Adoption and fostering: advice, topics and issues Books

Book SynopsisI love you, no matter what.'An uplifting true story of an ordinary couple who build an extraordinary family, No Matter What describes how Sally and Rob Donovan embark upon a journey to adopt following a diagnosis of infertility.Sally Donovan brings to life with characteristic wit and honesty the difficulties of living with infertility, their decision to adopt and the bewildering process involved. Finally matched with young siblings Jaymey and Harlee, Sally and Rob's joy turns to shock as they discover disturbing details of their children's past and realise that they must do everything it takes to heal their children.By turns tragic, inspiring and hilarious, Sally and Rob's story offers a rare insight into the world of adoptive parents and just what it takes to bring love to the lives of traumatised children.Trade ReviewThis book should be compulsory reading for potential adoptive parents and for those professionals who touch their lives and pretend to understand what the whole experience is about. Sally Donovan's account touches upon the depth of despair, unbearable strain on a small family unit, incompetent or insensitive professionals, and fairly non-existent support. And yet it is full of optimism and hope for the human spirit. -- Young Minds MagazineFor those who already know the author through her adoption blog the brilliance of this book will come as no surprise... Sally Donovan seems to write as naturally as the rest of us breathe, with an eloquence and honesty that makes "No Matter What" totally absorbing. She has a fantastic story to tell that not only speaks to those who have their own adoption experiencer but to any reader who has an interest in rich, articulate personal stories and wants an insight into the life of a normal adoptive family... Much of what Sally writes will be all too familiar to other adoptive parents by the humanity, intelligence and humor of the writing captures the reality of adoptive family life in a truly enthralling way. -- Adoption TodayAs a post adoption social worker, who has also recently worked in a children in care team, this book struck a chord as to how our role impacts on children and adopters... I cannot recommend this book highly enough - it travels with me in my handbag and I sing its praises to whoever will listen! I urge everyone involved in adoption to read this book and to be inspired. -- Community Care Children's Services blogIf you've ever wondered what it's like to adopt, this book holds the answer: it's hard, sometimes traumatic, and far from "normal family life". It's also special, joyful, and utterly transformative - for parents as much as children. Yes our families are different; this book explains in both a moving and matter-of-fact way why we are proud to be so. -- Baroness Oona King, adoptive motherHonest, refreshing, heart-breaking, thought-provoking and inspiring - this is a valuable insight into adoption and the devastating effects of trauma. -- Lorraine Pascale, television presenter, chef and former model, adoptee and TACT patronThis book is sheer therapy for an adopter and enlightenment for anyone who comes into contact with adoption in any way. A must read for parents, schools and authorities. -- Carrie Grant Vocal Coach/TV Presenter, adoptive mother and BAAF adoption championSally Donovan has written a warm, humorous, hard-hitting and compelling story about her own adoption journey. What she says will resonate with the majority of those who have adopted children from care. Ultimately this is an overwhelmingly positive celebration of the transformation that adoption can bring to society's most damaged and vulnerable children, but it also clearly sets out the realities of parenting children affected by early childhood abuse and neglect. Every adopter will be able to recognise some aspect of their own experiences in Sally's story and I would urge every professional working with adopted children -- including health visitors and teachers, as well as social workers - to read this so they know what understanding and support those parenting adopted children need. -- Hugh Thornbery, Chief Executive, Adoption UKNo Matter What is by a long way the best account ever written of the experience of being an adoptive parent and carer of children traumatised by maltreatment. With heart-wrenching candour, it tells the story of a couple's journey through the pain of childlessness, the adoption process, and the lived experience of caring for Jaymey and Harlee whose early lives were 'almost unbearable to read about'. Sally Donovan evokes brilliantly the commitment, energy, therapeutic skill and humanity required to care for and heal children whose past abuse has left them distressed, feeling unworthy and acting out in often chaotic ways. This remarkable book is not only a major contribution to work on child welfare; such is the sheer power and brilliance of the writing that it triumphs as a work of literature, as art. Utterly compelling and humane, No Matter What is essential reading for all those who care for and about vulnerable children, adoption and fostering and who are open to being inspired by the healing power of love. -- Harry Ferguson, Professor of Social Work, University of NottinghamI found this book almost unbearably moving and, ultimately, uniquely uplifting. I have never before read, in a single book, such a compelling portrait of the horrors of child neglect and its consequences, alongside a portrait of the historical inadequacies of adoption assessment and post adoption support. This is a staggeringly vivid account of a heroic struggle by heroic adopters to heal the deep scars of neglect and abuse. I cannot recommend it warmly enough. -- Sir Martin Narey, Government Advisor on Children's Social Care and Visiting Professor, Durham and Sheffield Hallam UniversitiesEveryone should read this funny and deeply moving account of modern adoption: the highs, the lows, the risks and the rewards. Sally's writing is honest, insightful and beautiful to read.I am, and will remain, totally in awe of Sally and her husband Rob. Their empathy and resilience is sure to inspire anyone who reads this book, particularly those thinking about adopting a child.In the most modest, refreshing and unassuming way, Sally gives a voice to everyone struggling with infertility or learning to parent traumatised children. This book is a triumph in so many ways. -- Camilla Pemberton, Children and Families Editor, Community CareWith great humility Sally shares her journey of courage, hope and persistence in boldly loving her children despite the odds, no matter what...Throughout the book I laughed and cried, experiencing the highs and lows of loving children who have lived the unthinkable. For too long adopters walked this journey very much alone. We must now accompany them on this journey, in our neighbourhoods, communities and cities, and within our education, social care and health services. Together we can make a difference; each life is precious, however fragile and different. No Matter What communicates this truth, and is an important contribution at this time of policy change. -- Louise Michelle Bombèr, Adoption Support Teacher for Brighton and Hove, Attachment Support Teacher Therapist for The Yellow Kite Attachment Support ServiceIn No Matter What Sally has written about her adoption journey in a way which enables us to walk in her shoes and those of her children and which is informative and humbling. Anyone associated with children in the care system in any capacity could only benefit from reading this outstanding book. -- Jane Evans, Trauma Parenting and Behaviour Skills Specialist and TrainerNo Matter What pulls no punches in describing Sally and Rob's moving journey of adopting two siblings and the challenges of parenting them in great detail. It is beautifully written with humour and understanding.We learn from Sally that adopting children who have suffered neglect and abuse, requires not only resilient parents but expert advice, support and understanding from a range of professionals and from family and friends.This book is required reading for professionals such as social workers, health professionals, teachers and early years staff. It is also a must for those who want to adopt and for their families as it provides an honest account of the challenges but also the joys of falling in love with your adopted children. We can all learn so much from Sally and Rob's story. -- Sherry Malik, Director of Children and Adult Services in HounslowIt should be compulsory reading for all contemplating work within adoption, or indeed for any moving towards work with young children and their families, whether in social work or education, where children's behaviour can sometimes seem so hard to understand, by where change can only come about through real compassion, intense resilience and unending patience. -- Helen Bonnick, Practice Educator n East London * Professional Social Work *This book is a first-hand narration by Sally Donovan of her and her husband Rob's journey through infertility and the adoption... It is intensely individual story, but this story speaks to very many wider themes... In this book, we see the need for ongoing support for the family, both formal and informal...this book is not only recommended for adopters, social workers, teachers and health professionals (and I recommend it strongly for those groups), but for everyone. -- Sally Holland, CASCADE Children's Social Care Research and Development Centre * British Journal of Social Work *Table of ContentsAcknowledgements. Author's Note. Part 1. Revelations: In the Bad House. Chapter 1. Part 2. Keeping Secrets: Hope and Disappointment. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Part 3. Planning a Future: Flip Charts and Handouts. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Part 4. In the Family Way: Early Days. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9. Part 5. Extreme Times: Life and Loss. Chapter 10. Chapter 11. Part 6. Getting Educated: Learning the Hard Way. Chapter 12. Chapter 13. Chapter 14. Part 7. A Time for Healing: No Matter What. Chapter 15. Chapter 16. Chapter 17. Chapter 18.

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Book SynopsisThe ideal first book for prospective adopters.When you decide to adopt a child, you might assume that all the important work begins when the child comes to live with you. In fact the preparation stage before is crucial in ensuring that the adopted child will arrive to a safe and secure family. Preparing for Adoption provides clear advice on how to prepare for your adoptive child and create a strong foundation for a healthy and loving relationship. Julia Davis explains how many different factors can shape preparations for adoption, such as finding out about your child's history and using this information to establish a family environment which will meet your child's specific attachment needs. There is also advice on how to prepare your home to create a sense of safety for your child and how to prepare your family to support you as adoptive parents. Primarily for adopters, foster carers and professionals supporting adopters, this book offers ideas and strategies to help parents prepare a happy and settled home for children before their arrival and ways to parent them in the early days of becoming a family that addresses their attachment needs.Trade ReviewJulia Davis' book fills a big gap - supporting professionals, families and particularly children through the transition from foster care into an adoptive placement. She leads all those involved carefully and with real thought through the process with particular focus on what this transition means and may feel like for the child. The book contains plenty of practical suggestions around preparing children for a move into an adoptive family and helping them to settle and bond once they are there. She doesn't gloss over the challenges that this momentous time can present, but guides everyone involved with compassion and sensitivity. She also includes information on the special considerations required when siblings are transitioning, which isn't always covered in other texts. I strongly recommend this book for anyone involved in a child's transition from foster care into an adoptive family. I wish it had been around when our family was starting out. -- Sally Donovan, adoptive mother and author of No Matter What and The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive ParentingPreparing for Adoption breaks down the fraught build-up towards an adoption into calm, manageable and well-informed chunks, all of which are backed up with perceptive references to recent theory and shining examples of good practice. Each stage - preparing yourself, your future child, your family and friends and even their birth family - for the enormous forthcoming change in all their lives - is enlightened by extremely useful suggestions and invaluable insight gained from Julia Davies' personal and professional experience. Best of all, there is real empathy for all those involved in this complex and often lengthy process. I would thoroughly recommend this wonderful book to prospective adopters and their friends and family, as well as foster carers and social work practitioners. I only wish it had been written earlier. -- Ali Redford, adoptive parentI thought adopters couldn't be prepared for everything... until I read this book! It is tremendous - jam packed with practical advice and case studies that bring the real issues to life together with an excellent overview of the theory. I think all prospective adopters should be required to read it before children can be placed with them. -- Mark Owers, CEO, Consortium of Voluntary Adoption Agencies (CVAA) UKThis is the book I wish I could have read before we became foster parents. It manages to walk the fine line between being realistic about the trauma and corresponding issues that the children may face, without making them seem impossible to parent...Adoptive parents, even if you think you've read everything there is on bringing a new child into your home, I urge you to pick this book up...This is a hard job. Don't do it alone. -- Erin Kirchoefer, foster parentTable of ContentsCh1: Making Sense of it All. Ch2: Other ideas to consider. Ch3: Getting Ready. Ch4: Preparing Family and Friends. Ch5: Preparing Children. Ch6: When Everyone is ready. Ch7: Now you are Home. Ch8: Challenges and How to Meet Them.

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Book SynopsisThis is not just another book about adoptive parenting. This is the real stuff: dynamic, messy, baffling adoptive parenting, rooted in domestic life.Award-winning columnist and adoptive parent Sally Donovan offers savvy, compassionate advice on how to be 'good enough' in the face of both day-to-day and more bewildering challenges – how to respond to 'red mist' meltdowns, crippling anxieties about new routines and, most importantly, how to meet the intimidating challenge of being strong enough to protect and nurture your child. Full of affecting and hilarious stories drawn from life in the Donovan household, The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive Parenting offers parents a refreshing counterblast to stuffy parenting manuals -- read it, weep, laugh and learn.Trade ReviewSally Donovan seems to write as naturally as the rest of us breathe. -- Adoption Today magazineIn this new book Sally Donovan communicates powerfully the messy lived experience of daily family life with her two adopted children. In her hopeful, intelligent, moving, witty and psychologically sound reflections adoptive parents will gain a lot of comfort. This book will be an invaluable resource for both parents, extended family and friends and professionals. -- From the foreword by Dr. Vivien Norris, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, DDP Practitioner, Certified Theraplay® Therapist and Trainer, The Family PlaceWhen Sally Donovan asked me to read the draft of her second book I was both delighted and anxious. Delighted because I've come to know Sally - first through Twitter, then personally - and I have a high regard for her ability to tell it how it is, to support others and to write so engagingly. Anxious because I loved her first book , No Matter What, so much. When she told me that her second book was a guide to parenting adopted children I must admit to thinking that this had been done before by so many others and that it wouldn't come close to the power of her first book. I needn't have worried. The Unofficial Guide to Parenting Adopted Children is brilliant; it's Sally at her best and a must-read for all those involved in adopting children from care. Sally takes us through the reality of modern day adoptive parenting in a frank, hard hitting and ultimately uplifting way. She pulls no punches, but what is so good about this book is the hope that it offers. Sally takes us in to her world, and provides the reader in a very matter-of-fact way sound advice from her own experience and research into therapeutic parenting. Any adopter reading this will know that they are not alone, that they can forgive themselves for not being the perfect "elite" parent, and that with love, knowledge, support and determination very damaged young lives can be transformed. Some may worry that this 'warts and all' description of 21st Century adoption will put others off from adopting. I don't. Because Sally shows us that it is so worthwhile; it's probably the most impactful and all-consuming voluntary effort than anyone ever makes in our society. The risk to successful adoptions is the lack of support for adoptive families, not supportive books like this. -- Hugh Thornbery, Chief Executive, Adoption UKSally Donovan gives us a book that is honest, real and down-to-earth. The satisfaction and the pain of parenting traumatized children is here along with many practical suggestions for therapeutic parenting. Writing from the perspective of an adoptive parent of two children this book has the compassion and reassurance that can only come from having been there. Thank you Sally for helping us to understand what it is like; for showing us that therapeutic parenting can work even though the journey is a long one and for the wisdom that says give it a go and if you don't always follow the model that is okay too. -- Dr. Kim S. Golding, Clinical PsychologistEven at this early stage in my own adoption journey...reading this book was a great way of re-reminding myself of some of the things I should be either doing or considering doing. This is a warts and all book, and probably funnier for it (and it is often funny). Probably the best recommendation I can give this book is to say that I will be keeping it close by so that I can get to it when I need it. Not only that but I will also be picking up a couple of extra copies for my family members too, to help with their understanding of the reality of our wonderful situation. -- Scott Vine, www.informationoverlord.co.ukIf we had had this book to refer to many years ago it would have helped us to parent our children more easily. It is not a text book and it is not prescriptive. It is a practical guide, easy to read, full of helpful advice and strategies to try for children where traditional parenting methods fail because our children have not had a traditional childhood experience. It is a must read for all adoptive parents. Read from it, get ideas from it, but above all smile at it and use it to help you smile again with your family. -- From the foreword by Sue and Jim Clifford OBEAward-winning columnist and adoptive parent Sally Donovan offers savvy, compassionate advice on how to be "good enough" in the face of both day-to-day and more bewildering challenges - how to respond to "red mist" meltdowns, crippling anxieties and most importantly, how to meet the intimidating challenge of being strong enough to protect and nurture your child. Full of affecting and hilarious stories drawn from life in the Donovan household, this book offers parents a refreshing counterblast to stuffy parenting manuals - read it, weep, laugh an learn. -- Families NW London MagazineTable of ContentsIntroduction, 1. It's All About Us: Shaping Up to be a Therapeutic Parent, 2. Establishing the Basics, 3. This is Meant to be Fun, 4. Leisure Time, 5. Repetitive Strain, 6. The Hard Stuff, 7. Brothers and Sisters, 8. The Outside World, 9. Life Story Work, 10. Self-care, 11. Practical Techniques

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Book SynopsisPositive and practical, this guide is designed to offer a route to recovery from grief and loss after adoption or long-term foster care.Children growing up in adoptive families or foster care often have complicated feelings about the loss of their birth parents - feelings which become all the more complex as they gain independence and become young adults, and which can endure throughout their lives. Common life events such as entering new relationships, building a family or losing a loved one can give rise to difficult questions about their own childhood and identity. In this book, Renée Wolfs provides an accessible explanation of the feelings of loss and grief commonly experienced by adults who grew up in adoptive families or foster care, and how debilitating they can be. She provides grounded advice and strategies to aid recovery and provides the reader with a useful tool: The Circle of Connecting. The Circle provides strategies for healing from loss, spanning all seven elements of your life: your body, mind, heart, environment, past, present and future. This book is essential reading for older teens and adults who need help in addressing feelings of grief and loss, as well as those who support them including adoptive and foster parents, social workers, counsellors and therapists.Trade ReviewAlthough every adoptee and former foster child has his or her own story, I am convinced that each of them will recognise him- or herself in the many stories which have been recorded in this book with such respect and empathy, and that everyone can put this book to good use in his or her own way. Let yourself be inspired and moved by this lovely and intense book. It deals with the pain of loss but with restoring connections, too. It's about coming home, really. -- From the foreword by Marlene van Steensel, Founder of and trainer at Be4you2.nl and former foster childOften when I am working with children and young people who are fostered or adopted around their life stories and processing their multiple experiences of loss I find they are not yet able to complete the journey towards integration. I have often wondered where these children will access support in adulthood to complete this process, agreeing as I do with Wolfs that the memory of these children's losses will be remembered in their bodies into adulthood, imprinted on their senses. I love that Wolfs locates the body at the centre of her seven element 'Circle of Connecting' developed specifically for adoptees and foster children to support coping with loss. In her book I hope motivated adult adoptees and foster children will discover a flexible framework to apply to their core losses, in which 7 elements are central: the body, mind, heart, environment, past, present and future. The reader is in control of the elements he wants to connect with in that moment in order to connect with himself and the past and develop new perspectives, feelings and thoughts about events past, the present and future. This is supported by case examples, practical suggestions and tools and an easy to read theoretical perspective on loss. -- Katie Wrench, Team Manager at the Therapeutic Social Work Team, Art Psychotherapist, Foster Carer and Co-Author of Life Story Work with Children Who are Fostered or AdoptedRenée Wolfs has delivered a fundamentally important book for adopted adults and people who were in foster care. Those who were transracially or transnationally adopted, those who were adopted from, or remained in, the care system after a traumatic start in life, adopters, foster carers and birth relatives can all gain some insight into the emotional turbulence created by such losses and changes. Because of the many personal examples given by adopted adults and fostered people throughout the book, we can see that we are clearly not alone, even if we feel that we often are. Wolfs offers a neat and containing method to manage this myriad of emotions so that we can learn to accept and live with the losses and changes that visit us all during our lives. -- Jean Milsted, Registered Intermediary, Adoption Services for Adults, England...this book will be very therapeutic for many adults who were adopted and for those who grew up in long term foster care. I say this based on my professional experience of reviewing childhood records with adults who return, sometimes years later, to discover or rediscover their childhood. -- Children AustraliaTable of ContentsAcknowledgments, Introduction, 1. Coping with loss, 2. Mourning the core loss, 3. The circle of Connecting, 4. Contact with your birth family, Bibliography, Additional reading, Appendix

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Book SynopsisHow can adoptive parents and their teenagers navigate the challenges of the adolescent years?Full of valuable, grounded advice, this guide will help parents to understand the impact of early trauma on a child's development and the specific nature of the changes that occur during adolescence. With tips for coping with common problems, it combines first-hand accounts from professionals, parents and teenagers themselves. It also covers essential topics such as: family and peer relationships, developing healthy intimate relationships, emerging identity issues, and contacting birth family. Accessible and honest, Parenting Adopted Teenagers is an invaluable resource for adoptive parents as well as professionals working with them.Trade ReviewMy initial reaction to this book has been gratitude for putting together all of the issues that have been a concern to me for the past 5 or 6 years. My daughter has just completed her first year at university and I have to recognise the fact that this has been helped by the support that I have been able to give her. However, I do not doubt that this support would not have been possible unless I in turn had been supported. Rachel has brilliantly outlined what it is to be a therapeutic parent and what it means to be an adopted teenager. I would urge any interested parties to read this book. I will certainly keep this as my constant source of support and reflection. -- Marion, adoptive parentThis book helps explain so many of my children's difficult and challenging behaviour. It is so rare for a professional to acknowledge so clearly the role of parents and that supporting us is also supporting young people. I found this consistent theme through the book so helpful and encouraging. Rachel Staff gets this issue that parents taking care of themselves is vital because unless we are emotionally healthy and resilient we won't be able to support our children. I strongly recommend this book to everyone parenting or working with adopted young people. -- Sorrel, adoptive parentI wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone with adopted teenagers or pre-teens - or indeed anyone wanting to think about and strengthen their relationships with their children - as it is full of very helpful insights and the latest research. I really like Rachel Staff's approach, always looking at the feelings, neuroscience and developmental issues that may lie behind behaviours, which is immensely valuable in helping parents and young people steer a course through challenging times. -- Jane, adoptive parentWhat those in challenging circumstances need is understanding, to feel they are not alone, and practical advice and support. Rachel's book delivers this and I trust that it will become a well thumbed reference for very many adopters. -- From the foreword by Hugh ThornberyTable of ContentsAcknowledgements. About Adoptionplus. Note on the Text. Introduction. 1. Key Emotional Themes. 2. Behaviours and 'Ways of Being'. 3. Approaches and Strategies for Managing the Emotional Roller Coaster. 4. Mental Health Provision for Adopted Adolescents. 5. Changing Relationships. 6. Emerging Identity. 7. Peer Relationships and Early Intimate Relationships. 8. Contact and the Adolescent Years. 9. Parents Come First - the Importance of Parent Support. Conclusion.

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Book Synopsis"Who makes adoption a success? We do: the kids and parents in the new family as we change shape to accommodate each other."With more than 70 real life stories, revealing moments of vulnerability and moments of joy, this book provides an authentic insight into adoption. These stories take the reader on a journey through every stage of the adoption process, from making the initial decision to adopt to hearing from adoptees, and offer an informative and emotive account of the reality of families' experiences along the way. It includes chapters on adopting children of all ages as well as sibling groups; adopting as a single parent; adopting as a same sex couple; adopting emotionally and physically abused children; the nightmare of adoption breaking down; contact with birth parents; tracing and social media and more. Adopting: Real Life Stories will be an informative and refreshing read for adopters, potential adopters, professionals and all those whose lives have in some way been touched by adoption or want to know more about it.Trade ReviewThere is nothing that can replace the knowledge and experience of those who have trod the path ahead of others... I thoroughly recommend this book. -- from the Foreword by Hugh Thornbery CBE, Chief Executive, Adoption UKAdopting: Real Life Stories brings together many voices and experiences and represents adoption in all its wonderful and sometimes frightening complexity. The book is accessible and there is much to be learnt from the broad range of accounts, all of which are written with authenticity and compassion. Ann Morris sets out 'not to underestimate the joys of adoption, but to reveal the challenges honestly', the book achieves this and more. It bravely tackles the realities but at the same time encourages hope and understanding, and that's a difficult balance to achieve. -- Sally Donovan, author of 'No Matter What' and editor of Adoption TodayTable of ContentsIntroduction. 1. So you want to adopt? 2. First meetings, first months. 3. Adopting babies and toddlers. 4. Adopting older children.5. Adolescents.6. Adopting a child with a physical or learning disability.7. Adopting an emotionally, physically or sexually abused child.8. Going it alone.9. Same sex couples.10. Adopting sibling groups.11. One plus one - adding an adopted child to your birth family.12. Adoption, race and religion.13. Taking in the child, taking on the school.14. Contact in adoption.15. Attachment issues.16. Breakdown.17. Who am I? Telling, talking and needing to know more. 18. Tracing and social media. 19. The birth mother's story. Useful organisations.

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Book SynopsisFriendship is so complicated! The children of The Adoption Club think they are friends - they go to the same school and belong to The Adoption Club.But what does it mean? What is the difference between a casual and a close friend? How should you respond to teasing? It's time for The Adoption Club to explore friendship.Written for counsellors and therapists working with children aged 5-11, as well as adoptive parents, this workbook is designed to help explore friendship, staying safe and social skills. It is one of a set of five interactive therapeutic workbooks featuring The Adoption Club written to address the key emotional and psychological challenges adopted children often experience. Together, they provide an approachable, interactive and playful way to help children to learn about themselves and have fun at the same time.Trade ReviewThe Adoption Club series by Regina M. Kupecky is a novel concept for helping adopted children share their stories. This therapeutic tool will help adoptees find and use their voices. Thank you, Regina! -- Sherrie Eldridge, author and speaker in the field of adoptionTable of ContentsIntroduction. Story. Bibliography.

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Book SynopsisFor children who are adopted families can get complicated, and that's very true when it comes to brothers and sisters, or 'siblings'. Today The Adoption Club are exploring the confusing world of siblings. Some children have half-siblings, adopted siblings, step-siblings. Michael has a birth sibling, his sister Angela, who he lives with, but many other children who are adopted are separated from their brother or sisters. The Adoption Club talk about their feelings about their own siblings.Written for counsellors and therapists working with children aged 5-11, as well as adoptive parents, this workbook is designed to help explore sibling relationships. It is one of a set of five interactive therapeutic workbooks featuring The Adoption Club written to address the key emotional and psychological challenges adopted children often experience. Together, they provide an approachable, interactive and playful way to help children to learn about themselves and have fun at the same time.Trade ReviewThe Adoption Club series by Regina M. Kupecky, is a novel concept for helping adopted children share their stories. This therapeutic tool will help adoptees find and use their voices. Thank you, Regina! -- Sherrie Eldridge, author and speaker in the field of adoptionTable of ContentsIntroduction. Story. Bibliography.

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Book SynopsisThe children of The Adoption Club have lots of different feelings about adoption.Michael was scared when he first met this adopted family, and was worried his adoptive family might not keep him. Other children talk about feeling happy, sad and angry, and how feeling can make them behave strangely. This workbook gives children a way to sort out feelings, discuss them and feel better.Written for counsellors and therapists working with children aged 5-11, as well as adoptive parents, this workbook is designed to help children to explore their feelings and behavior. It is one of a set of five interactive therapeutic workbooks featuring The Adoption Club written to address the key emotional and psychological challenges adopted children often experience. Together, they provide an approachable, interactive and playful way to help children to learn about themselves and have fun at the same time.Trade ReviewThe Adoption Club series by Regina M. Kupecky is a novel concept for helping adopted children share their stories. This therapeutic tool will help adoptees find and use their voices. Thank you, Regina! -- Sherrie Eldridge, author and speaker in the field of adoptionTable of ContentsIntroduction. Story. Bibliography.

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Book SynopsisWho are my birthparents? Is it okay to think about them? Can I care about all of my parents at once?A Place in My Heart tells the simple story of Charlie, a chipmunk adopted by a family of squirrels, who starts to wonder about his birthparents. At first he is scared that this might upset his family but feels much better when he talks to his mother. The story reassures children that it is okay to ask questions about their birthparents without upsetting their “forever” (adoptive) parents. This fully illustrated picture book for adopted children aged 2-5 gives you an opportunity to discuss adoption, birthparents, and the fact that our hearts are big enough to hold everyone we care about.Trade ReviewThis charming and realistic book helps children learn to talk about their feelings rather than act out. Charlie has big feelings about adoption, identity and birth parents and acts out his feelings. He is helped by his adopted mother to express his feelings in a positive way including an art project. The children I have used this book with love him and love doing the project. -- Regina M. Kupecky, social worker at The Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio, co-author of Adopting The Hurt Child, Parenting the Hurt child, A Foster-Adoption Story: Angela and Michael's Journey and The Case of the Multiple MothersI consider A Place In My Heart one of the very best books for young adopted children (and their parents) because it demonstrates how to make it 'OK' for children to hold their feelings and connections for both of their 'real' families: their birth parents and their adoptive parents. No surprise the book was written by an adult adoptee - she really 'gets it!' -- Beth Hall, Director, Pact An Adoption Alliance www.pactadopt.org , author of Inside Transracial AdoptionThis story... highlights that you may not have an answer to all your child's questions, but if you can hold their emotions and be by their side, they can live without these answers. -- Youth in MindA Place in My Heart is neither over nor understated in its dealings with adoption. The soft illustrations are well incorporated into the text and greatly enhance the narrative... It is evident that Mary Grossnickle is writing from experience. This is a comforting guide for parents and children alike who are dealing with adoption. -- Sasha Jawed * The School Librarian (SL) *

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Book SynopsisAs an adoptee, do you have mixed feelings about your adoption? If you do, you are not alone - adoptees often experience complex feelings of grief, anger, and questions about their identity. Sherrie Eldridge is an adoptee and adoption expert, and in this book she draws on her personal experiences and feelings relating to adoption as well as interviews with over 70 adoptees. Sherrie reveals how you can discover your own unique life purpose and worth, and sets out 20 life-transforming choices which you have the power to make. The choices will help you discover answers about issues such as: Why do I feel guilty when I think about my birth parents? Why can't I talk about the painful aspects of adoption? Where can I gain an unshakable sense of self-esteem? Sherrie also addresses the problem of depression among adoptees and common dilemmas such as if, when and how to contact a birth mother or father. This fully updated second edition includes new material on finding support online, contacting family through social media, and features three new chapters, including Sherrie's story of reuniting with her birth brother, Jon, in adulthood.Trade ReviewTwenty Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make is indeed life-transforming for those who will take advantage of the wisdom contained therein. The practical help given in chapters six and seven alone are worth the price of the book! So often as adoptees we can struggle with a lack of understanding from those who are not adopted, and how to respond to triggering statements or actions. Sherrie's wisdom on these issues is spot on. Adoptees will find great solace in her words and real help for the plethora of issues we deal with post-adoption. I am so very grateful for this amazing resource! -- Deanna Doss Shrodes, Blogger, Adoptee Restoration, Author, Worthy to Be FoundAlthough geared toward adoptee concerns and beliefs, Sherrie Eldridge's latest book provides practical and spiritual information helpful to both adoptive and birth families. Social workers, therapists, and adoption professionals will find this book an important companion piece to Ms. Eldridge's first book, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. -- Dirck Brown, Ed.D., author Clinical Practice in Adoption; founder, Post Adoption Center for Education and Research (PACER)As an adoptive mom and singer/songwriter and speaker at adoption conferences, I am once again VERY grateful for the honest and extremely helpful nature of Sherrie's latest book, Twenty Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make. Her previous books have been instrumental in preparing me and assisting us after the fact in our own family's adoption of two siblings who'd suffered greatly. As our children grow and comprehend more of their past, present, and future, Sherrie's insights and significant research continue to be an indispensable part of the healing, understanding, and hope-inspiring process for our entire family. -- Becky Wright, Singer/Songwriter/Speaker Founder of Tahlequah Orphan & Adoption Ministries Department of Artists in Christian Testimony, InternationalOnce again Sherrie Eldridge has written a very helpful book for the adoption community. This time her efforts have been directed toward adoptees and the twenty ways in which she encourages them to take control of their own healing. -- Nancy Verrier, M.F.T., author of The Primal Wound and Coming Home to SelfSherrie Eldridge speaks what so many of us wish we'd been able to explain to our adoptive parents. This has helped me tremendously as an adoptive mother myself now. -- Rebecca Kiessling, Founder and President of Save The 1, Co-Founder of Hope After Rape Conception, International Speaker and Attorney, Adoptee and Adoptive Mother.Sherrie Eldridge, the adoption expert who has so ably helped adoptive parents better understand their children's needs, is back again, helping other adoptees to learn from her own journey through search and reunion with her latest guide,Twenty Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make. It's a well-written guide for adoptees of all ages, empowering them to grow in positive new directions-- regardless of the outcome of their search. If adoption is your mountain, Sherrie Eldridge is your best possible sherpa, for few understand all of its peaks and passes the way Sherrie does, and her sage advice can help you reach your own summit. -- Elizabeth Jurenovich, Ms, LCPAA, LPC, LMFT Executive Director Abrazo Adoption AssociatesSherrie has written an honest book of courage, trust, and hope. Her practical ideas, deep insights, and all-embracing sensitivity will be of great assistance to adoptees as they construct their life stories. Her core message: Do not look away; discover who you are. -- Dan Hughes, Ph.D., author of Building the Bonds of Attachment and Focused Family Therapy WorkbookThis is a powerfully written book. Sherrie's revealing documentation of her insights for adoptees combined with her own and others' intimate, personal experiences dramatically highlights her difficult but liberating journey. -- Dale E. Theobald, Ph.D., M.D., Senior Medical Director for Community Home Health Services and Palliative Care at Community North Health Network, Indianapolis, Indiana.It is impossible to articulate how life-changing Sherrie Eldridge's book has been for me! This book gave voice to my thoughts, emotions, and actions that were holding me back from fully living the life I was created to live. Eldridge uncovers the common threads adoptees hold on to throughout our lives, including grief, loss, rejection, fear, hope and love. Many clients say, "I wish I had known about this resource years ago". -- LeAnne Parsons CPC, ELI-MP, The Walk Your Talk Coach, Legacy Now Lived™Table of ContentsPART 1: Our lifelong search for truth. 1 Caught unaware, 2 Preparing to grow. PART 2: Twenty truths and twenty choices that can transform. 3 Thoughts about our birth parents are innate, 4 Painful feelings about our adoption are normal, 5 Learning about adoption dynamics will help us relax, 6 It may often seem like no one 'gets it', 7 Share deep feelings only with "safe" people, 8 We can control our anger -- really!, 9 We can get unstuck from our painful past, 10 Many of us experience echoes of loss, 11 An Hour with a Fellow Adoptee Is Better Than Therapy, 12 False guilt shouldn't stop us from considering a reunion 13: Search and reunion may become a top priority, 14 We don't need to fear seeming ungrateful or disloyal, 15 We must give up being pleasers, 16 Taking concrete steps toward obtaining our pre-adoption history requires courage... we can do it!, 17 When we feel overwhelmed we must be gentle with ourselves, 18 Birth relatives may reject us, but there's someone who never will, 19 The word "rejection" may not be in the vocabularies of other birth relatives!, 20 Letting go of our birth mother's original decision will set us free, 21 Our footsteps are unique across the sands, 22 We can help others by being transparent, Appendix, Notes

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Book SynopsisMany people say being a parent is the toughest job there is. John DeGarmo, foster and adoptive parent, tells us just how tough it can be, having parented over 40 children. At times he and his wife, Kelly, have cared for up to nine children at a time, many with severe trauma and learning difficulties. Love and Mayhem is an honest and open account of the struggles, sadness and joy that comes with the job of being a parent to a traumatized child. From the sleepless nights with babies withdrawing from drug-addiction, to the heartbreak when a child moves on to another home, and the loving chaos that comes with a large and blended family, John DeGarmo fights for the many children who have come through his home.Ideal for foster families, general readers, fostering agencies and social workers who are looking for a true to life memoir of what it really is to be a foster parent.Trade ReviewTruly inspiring- John and Kelly DeGarmo go to extraordinary lengths to love broken children into wholeness and to teach others how to do the same. -- Rhonda Sciortino, author of Succeed Because of What You've Been ThroughSo many emotions abound in this book: joy and sorrow, trust and fear, elation and anger, confidence and uncertainty, energy and exhaustion, confirmation and questioning.... all reflect an honest view of foster parenting. Foster parents will love this book as it confirms everything they experience that others do not understand. For others it provides a true picture of the life of a foster family. Kudos to John DeGarmo for this well-written, entertaining and honest book. -- Irene Clements, Foster Care Consultant and President, National Foster Parent Association, USAJohn DeGarmo has established himself as an expert on foster care and adoption, yet he calls foster parenting the hardest thing he's ever done. Any foster parent I've ever known or read about would whole-heartedly agree with DeGarmo's assessment. In Love and Mayhem: One Big Family's Uplifting Story of Fostering and Adoption, DeGarmo tells stories from the front lines, as his family has fostered dozens of children through the years. On one level, DeGarmo's experience might discourage potential foster parents from entering the fray. Foster parenting can be full of heartbreak. DeGarmo does not gloss over the pain and ugliness of fostering. Yet the love and healing that foster children can find in families like the DeGarmos' is crucial and undeniable. DeGarmo describes the rewards and satisfaction of fostering in spite of the pain. Would that more families followed the DeGarmos' example and took up the mantle of fostering in cities across the country. -- Paul Mastin, adoptive parentTable of ContentsContents, Acknowledgments, Preface, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen.

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Book SynopsisPacked full of great ideas for fun games and activities, this book encourages positive attachments between a parent or carer and their child. When it comes to choosing the best games to play with children who have difficulties attaching, it is often hard to know how to play with a purpose. This book contains fun, age-appropriate games along with an explanation of why they matter. All the games included are designed for specific age ranges, from infants to older children, and help to address particular needs in children that are known to affect attachment, including fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. It provides an easy-to-understand description of attachment and reveals the crucial role that play has in forming attachments. Written for parents and carers, as well as for use by professionals, it is full of strategies to help build healthy attachments in children who have experienced early trauma.Trade ReviewFinally a book to engage children in building attachments with their parents through playing games. This book is practical and offers fun activities to encourage closer relationships between parents and children. -- Dr. Sue Cornbluth, National Parenting Expert in Childhood Trauma, USAWhen children are exposed to poor care very early in life, they have to suppress two very important processes that normally help children to feel safe with and enjoy their relationships with caregivers: separation distress which engenders the need for comfort and playfulness which leads to joyful connection. In this book, the authors focus on the playfulness side of parent-child connections, offering a wealth of practical, hands-on ways for caregivers to engage children in playful interactions. Parents and therapists who work with children exposed to poor care early in life will find this book extremely helpful. -- Jonathan Baylin, PhD, psychologist and coauthor of Brain Based ParentingIn a culture which is heavily focused on how to teach our children, or how to discipline them, the importance of play and joy in connection can get lost. All children, and especially children who have difficult early parenting experience, need connection and to discover the joy in relationship. Within this book Deborah Gray and her colleagues have delightfully put play at the centre of family life. There are lots of ideas for games tailored to age and with specific difficulties in mind. More importantly perhaps these ideas can act as a springboard for families to invent their own unique way of bringing fun into their lives. -- Kim S. Golding, Clinical Psychologist...really interesting, to the point, succinct... includes games for bonding with your child; between an adult/parent, games for the whole family, games for siblings... would be really beneficial for... a support group, foster carers doing foster parent training or skills to foster, prospective adopters... or a social work team. 7 out of 10. -- Al Coates, Adoptive parent and blogger at Misadventures of an Adoptive DadGames and Activities for Attaching With Your Child is a critical tool for anyone who is looking to nurture attachment with an adopted, biological or foster child. Deborah D. Gray, an expert in the field of attachment and adoption, along with her co-workers, have written an easily understandable and accessible book about games that can help children attach even in the most difficult of circumstances. They clearly lay out the importance of play for children and how it supports brain development, good social skills and the ability to connect with loved ones in order to aid in healthy connections. Step-by-step, from infancy to teens, they lay out activities for families to play in a fun, engaging and meaningful manner. What I like best is that it tells you how to use these activities for children all across the spectrum, from "normal" children to those who are detached and afraid to connect and have been hurt by trauma. As a social worker I have used some of these games and activities with my own clients to excellent effect but best of all, have shown parents how to play with their children where it counts the most which is with each other at home. As a foster mom I can say that these games work and have enhanced my relationships with my children. -- Karen Oil, Licensed Independent Clinical Social WorkerTable of ContentsAcknowledgements. Introduction. Chapter 1: Bonds, Attachment and Play. Chapter 2: The Value of Play. Chapter 3: Connecting the Two of You. Chapter 4: Connecting the Whole Family. Chapter 5: Connecting Siblings. Chapter 6: Activities to Help with Mood and Flexibility. Chapter 7: Building Attachment When Children Have Had Exposure to Toxins. Addendum. Resources.

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Book SynopsisHow Does Foster Care Work? is an international collection of empirical studies on the outcomes of children in foster care. Drawing on research and perspectives from leading international figures in children's services across the developed world, the book provides an evidence base for programme planning, policy and practice.This volume establishes a platform for comparison of international systems, trends and outcomes in foster care today. Each contributor provides a commentary on one other chapter to highlight the global significance of issues affecting children and young people in care. Each chapter offers new ideas about how foster care could be financed, delivered or studied in order to become more effective.This book is important reading for anyone involved in delivering child welfare services, such as administrators, practitioners, researchers, policy makers, children's advocates, academics and students.Trade ReviewThe authors conclude with the hope that the findings which are reflected in this volume have the potential to bring a greater understanding of the complex interplay of those factors that nurture or impede the well-being of children in care. They anticipate that it would impact positively on care planning, the provision of services, the development of policy and future research. We know that foster care works. This book may very well make it work better. -- Aotearoa New Zealand Social WorkThis is a must-read for any social worker who desire greater understanding of the theoretical principles and empirical evidence that undergird foster care today in a number of developed countries... We know that foster care works. This book may very well make it work better. -- Aotearoa New Zealand Social WorkEach study scrupulously teases out the different variables affecting outcomes. The volume ends with a synthesis of research findings giving direction for policy, practice and research... My personal preference is for those studies that powerfully convey the experience of children, such as chapters by Fernandez on Growing up in Care and by Ward and Munro on Very Young Children in Care in England. The latter highlights the instability that was a feature for many infants, with 45 per cent having four or more placements. The consequences of placement disruption and instability on relationships, emotional and behavioural health, and education are a theme in a number of chapters. This mirrors recent findings in Hannon et al. . 2010 and gives even greater weight to the authors' call for measures to improve placement stability. Pecora et al. in their chapter on Rates of Emotional and Behavioural Disorders among Alumni of Family Foster Care in the United States make comprehensive recommendations for policy and practice to improve the mental and emotional health of young people in care, which I warmly commend. Various authors comment on both the positive and negative aspects of contact, with Farmer arguing persuasively In her chapter on Fostering Adolescents in England for differential approaches to contact decisions, to support grandparent contact and promote children's links with extended family members. The volume clearly demonstrates the value of studying fostering cross-nationally and will be of interest to policy makers, commissioners of care services, practitioners and researchers. -- Wiley Online Library, Child Abuse ReviewFoster care practice needs both an international perspective and an evidence base to allow us to learn and develop. This book supports both of these objectives. -- Children & Young People NowTable of ContentsPart 1. Introduction. Foreword. James K. Whittaker, University of Washington, USA. Introduction: Reviewing International Evidence to Inform Foster Care Policy and Practice. Elizabeth Fernandez, University of New South Wales, Australia and Richard P. Barth, University of Maryland, USA. 1. International Perspectives on Foster Care. June Thoburn, University of East Anglia, UK. Part 2. Placement Movements and Destinations. 2. Five Year Developmental Outcomes for Young Children Remaining in Foster Care, Returned Home or Adopted. Richard P. Barth and Christopher Lloyd, University of Arkansas, USA. 3. The Placement Stability in Foster Care. Fred Wulczyn and Lijun Chen, University of Chicago, USA. 4. Foster Care in the Netherlands: Correlates of Placement Breakdown and Successful Placement. Johan Piet Strijker, University of Groningen, The Netherlands. 5. Profile and Scope of Foster Care in Spain. Jorge Fernandez del Valle and Mónica López, University of Oviedo, Spain. 6. Reunification in Australia: Insights from South Australia and New South Wales. Elizabeth Fernandez and Paul Delfabbro, University of Adelaide, Australia Part 3. The Foster Care Experience: A Life Course Perspective. 7. Very Young Children in Care in England: Issues for Foster Care. Harriet Ward and Emily R. Munro, Loughborough University, UK 8. Fostering Adolescents in England: What Contributes to Success? Elaine Farmer, University of Bristol, UK. 9. Rates of Mental, Emotional, and Behavioural Disorders Among Alumni of Family Foster Care in the United States: The Casey National Alumni Study. Peter J. Pecora, Catherine Roller White, Lee Ann Murdock, Kirk O'Brien, Casey Family Programs, USA, Ronald C. Kessler, Nancy Sampson and Irving Hwang Harvard Medical School, USA. Part 4. Psychological Outcomes and Correlates of Outcomes. 10. What Makes for Effective Foster Care: Some Issues. Ian Sinclair, University of York, UK. 11. Long-term Outcomes of Foster Care: Lessons from Swedish National Cohort Studies. Bo Vinnerljung, University of Stockholm, Sweden, Eva Franzén, Swedish Ministry of Health and Social Affairs, Sweden, Anders Hjern, National Board of Health and Welfare, Sweden and Frank Lindblad, Uppsala University, Sweden. 12. Foster Care in Denmark: Comparing Kinship and Non-Kinship Forms of Care. Lajla Knudsen, Tim Egelund and Anne-Dorthe Hestbæck, SFI, The Danish National Centre for Social Research, Denmark. 13. Selected Educational Outcomes for Young People Aged 17–19 Years in Long Term Foster Care in Ireland. Fiona Daly, Irish Association of Young People in Care, Ireland and Robbie Gilligan, Trinity College Dublin, Ireland. 14. Can Tutoring by Foster Parents Improve Foster Children's Basic Academic Skills? A Canadian Randomized Field Trial. Robert J. Flynn, Marie-Pierre Paquet and Robyn Marquis, University of Ottawa, Canada. 15. Wellbeing in Foster Care: An Australian Longitudinal Study of Outcomes. Elizabeth Fernandez. Commentary by Robert Flynn. Conclusion. Richard P. Barth and Elizabeth Fernandez. List of Contributors. Index.

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Book SynopsisAdopted children whose early development has been altered by abuse or neglect may form negative beliefs about themselves and parents, and may resist connecting with others. This book outlines how therapeutic stories can help children to heal and develop healthy attachments.With a thorough theoretical grounding, the book demonstrates how to create therapeutic stories that improve relationships, heal past trauma, and change problem behaviour. The story of a fictional family that develops its own narratives to help their adopted child heal illustrates the techniques. This second edition includes updated research on attachment, trauma and the developmental process; a new chapter on parental attunement and regulation; and a new chapter with full length samples of a variety of narrative types.The gentle and non-intrusive techniques in this book will be highly beneficial for children with attachment difficulties. This guide will be an invaluable resource for parents of adopted children and the professionals working with them.Trade ReviewOverall, I found this book to be an interesting and stimulating read. The early chapters refreshed my knowledge and understanding of attachment difficulties, particularly as they relate to adopted children. I found the Family Attachment Narrative Therapy approach and the case examples given fascinating and was pleased that parents were of key importance in developing their own narratives... I would recommend this book both to professionals working with adoptive families, to parents of adopted children and to those with an interest in this area or in therapeutic story telling. -- DebateThis book is a welcome addition to the resources available to not only adoptive parents but also social workers in practice with children and young people with attachment issues. -- RostrumThis book is a discussion and guide on the use of narrative to help children and parents work through difficult behaviour and attachment issues. But it is also much more... This book's emphasis on helping parents do the therapeutic work of building the family as a safe healing space is spot on. -- Children & Young People NowThis book provides a very valuable, innovative resource for adoptive families supporting children with complex, traumatic early life histories. The focus is on empowering adoptive families to support their children with complex, traumatic early life stories. The focus is on empowering adoptive families to support their children, by giving them a thorough understanding of how early life history will affect each child's internal working model... I found this a very exciting, meaningful book. It provides clarity and recognition of the challenges and issues for adopted children with complex, traumatic early life histories. -- Lapidus JournalStories are the currency of life. "Connecting with Kids Through Stories: Using Narratives to Facilitate Attachement in Adopted Children" discusses the importance of stories in forming bonds with adopted children, to children who may not have had the easiest life coming into a caring parent's care.... A strong pick for parenting collections, especially those with a focus on adoption. -- The Midwest Book ReviewThis is a clear, practical, relevant and optimistic book that gives adoptive parents a deeper insight into the lives of their children, and an effective intervention made all the more attractive because it is based on the universally familiar and compelling business of telling stories about life’s most significant emotional experiences. -- David Howe, Professor Emeritus, School of Social Work and Psychology, University of East Anglia, UKThis is a wonderful book that goes to the heart of the matter in healing traumatized adoptees. If adopted kids are to grow and thrive in their adoptive family, the how and why of the arrival into the forever home must be told. Using the context of storytelling to tell the often painful tale is brilliant - even challenging and older children will accept a story. I particularly like the abundant examples of stories, the words of encouragement to parents to get started, the use of narratives to cover all aspects of the aftermath of trauma, the overview of how trauma leaves a child afflicted and the overriding message that underneath all the chaotic behavior is a child desperately trying to tell us the meaning of his or her experiences. Once attune to this meaning, each member of the family can connect. Thus, the meaning of being a part of a healthy family emerges for the adoptee, brothers, sisters and parents. -- Arleta James, therapist, Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio, USATable of ContentsForeword. Acknowledgements Legacy of an Adopted Child. Introduction. 1. The Internal Working Model. 2. Putting the Pieces Together: Discovering the Child's Model. 3. Narratives that Bond, Heal and Teach. 4. Parental Attunement and Regulation. 5. Claiming Narratives. 6. Trauma Narratives. 7. Developmental Narratives. 8. Successful Child Narratives. 9. Stories, Stories and More Stories. 10. Conclusion. Appendix A. EMDR. Appendix B. Story Construction Guide. References. Resources and Recommended Reading. Index.

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Book SynopsisAttaching in Adoption is a comprehensive guide for prospective and actual adoptive parents on how to understand and care for their adopted child and promote healthy attachment.This classic text provides practical parenting strategies designed to enhance children's happiness and emotional health. It explains what attachment is, how grief and trauma can affect children's emotional development, and how to improve attachment, respect, cooperation and trust. Parenting techniques are matched to children's emotional needs and stages, and checklists are included to help parents assess how their child is doing at each developmental stage. The book covers a wide range of issues including international adoption, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, and learning disabilities, and combines sound theory and direct advice with case examples throughout.This book is a must read for anyone interested in adoption and for all adoptive families. It will also be a valuable resource for adoption professionals.Trade ReviewAttaching in Adoption' is a valuable resource for parents not only as they contemplate building their family through adoption, but also as they travel child's emotionally challenged path towards mental health and happiness. Deborah Gray has described attachment and all of the skills and responses that relate to an individual's attachment style and degree of attachment, and she has done do in a manner easily understood by non-professionals. The chapter on developmental stages is an invaluable tool for parents to assess their child's emotional age and determine what tasks have yet to be mastered. Parents who understand and implement what tasks have yet to be mastered. Parents who understand and implement the wisdom and methods described in this book will certainly strengthen their families! -- Nancy Spoolstra, D.V.M., adoptive and foster parent and Executive Director of the Attachment Disorder NetworkAttaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents' is a brilliantly written sensitive educational journey into the development world of attachment. The book is a comprehensive and clear depiction of the importance of attachment, the challenge faced by parents adopting high risk children, and the negative effects of trauma and grief on the development of a secure attachment. The book reflects Ms. Gray's depth of perception, understanding of child development, empathy, and attunement with the children and families she has served in her therapeutic practice. Ms. Gray provides practical common sense tools for parents that can support them in developing skills that will enhance healthy relationships and connections with their children. Ms. Gray is realistic and honest as she speaks to parents. She empowers them to take charge in a nurturing way. She respects the importance of the balance of nurture and structure. The chapters building emotional intelligence, forming a team of support, and suggestions of when and where to seek professional help prove a hopefulness that there is a way out of the darkness of emotional chaos into the light of safety and trust for children suffering from attachment problems. Although "Attachment in Adoption" is written primarily for parents. I would encourage my fellow professionals to include this book on their "must read" list. It will assist them in their overall understanding of attachment and in their therapeutic work with adoptive parents and children -- Beverly Cuevas, LCSW, ACSW, Co-founder of Attachment Center Northwest, Founding member and Board member of ATTACH, Founding Board member of ADI (Attachment Disorder Institute)Deborah Gray had written an excellent book on parenting adopted children who resist being parented. It is not a cookbook, but rather a comprehensive book on parenting adopted children with attachment problems. That is why it is excellent. Deborah does not take the easy road of simply giving recommendations for various behavior problems. Instead she takes the more arduous route of first trying to help parents understand the meaning of their adopted child's behaviors. After helping parents to understand the reasons for their child's behaviors, she then gives them the tools for developing interventions that are most likely to fit their unique child. Deborah asks us to go beyond concluding that an adopted child has Reactive Attachment Disorder because they manifest a list of symptoms. She asks us first to also understand the impact of grieving and trauma on a child's functioning. She also asks us to know more about the effects of anxiety, cultural changes, and various other diagnoses, such as ADHD, FAE/FAS, and Learning Disorders. Most importantly, Deborah teaches us about the seven stages of attachment, beginning at birth and extending through adolescence, and she helps us to be aware of various interventions that can facilitate development at each stage. Finally, she tells us about emotional intelligence, its failure to develop following early abuse and neglect, and the importance of understanding ways to facilitate it. Deborah's contribution to parenting adopted children with attachment problems is substantial. It is based on understanding and having empathy of the meaning behind a child's symptoms, along with effective, sensitive, and well-matched parental interventions. At the same time, she addresses the necessity of parental self-care, is parents are to persistently provide the quality of care that their adopted child requires.After reading her book, many parents will feel certain that Deborah understands their child and their family. These same parents will also be likely to understand their child more deeply themselves, and at the same time be able to develop the unique practical skills that parenting their child requires. -- Dan Hughes, Ph.D. author of 'Facilitating Developmental Attachment and Building the Bonds of AttachmentDeborah Gray's work captures theory, practicality, and sensitivity toward traumatized children - all in one book. Too many books have only one of these components, and her integration of may important facets of all three, comfortably leads the reader to a clear understanding of how children are hurt and how families help them heal. I will be extremely comfortable recommending 'Attaching in Adoption' to parents and professionals. I also think it is suitable for adolescents to read. It would help them understand so many of their issues - particularly around the entire birth family "web' and issues of shame and self-blame. I like this book! -- Gregory C. Keck, Ph.D., Founder, Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio and co-author of 'Adopting the Hurt Child' and 'Parenting the 'Hurt Child'Gray, a clinical social worker specializing in attachment, grief and trauma, has penned a comprehensive guidebook for adoptive parents, taking an in-depth look at how children and families adjust. The author notes that many of today's adoptions involve older children, who may have been abused or neglected, or who may have spent years in institutions or various foster situations; due to their past experiences these children may have difficulty attaching to their adoptive parents. Explaining that attachment forms the template for future adult relationships, Gray stresses how important it is for adoptive parents to be patient in forging this new bond. She advises creating a high structure/high nurture environment for the child, and instructs parents to find out about their child's background. The book covers many issues, including cross-cultural and interracial adoption, religious concerns and other complications for attaching, such as ADHD and learning disabilities. Gray also includes a detailed exploration of development delays common in kids who have been adopted later in life. While the book is densely written, it will nevertheless be invaluable for adoptive parents. Gray compassionately helps readers form realistic expectations, while offering a myriad of suggestions for families and children striving to form lasting, loving relationships. -- Publishers WeeklyI have no idea what percentage of a personality is determined by genes. I don't know what a percentage of personality is. But if there's anything I can do to load the dice of fate in my child's favor, I will do it. Most adoptive parents feel the same. 'Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents' is for us. I wish this book had been around a decade ago, when my husband and I first started thinking about adoption. I wish it had been around when we brought our daughter home two years later. And I wish it had been around when our daughter was 21 months old and the babysitter quit and a new one started and our forlorn, frantic child screamed all day, every day, for a week.How we searched Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton, Richard Ferber, and all the other illustrious names in childrearing literature! Their advice, while sometimes helpful, didn't quite fit. What we needed was a Deborah D. Gray to set out - in straightforward, unthreatening language - practical tips for responding to the challenges all adopted children face when they leave one home (their birth parents', their foster family's, or their orphanage) and enter another. Our child's adjustment was relatively easy. But if we'd known more, it could have been easier. 'Attaching in Adoption' covers the full range of attachment challenges - from the transitory to the traumatic and from infancy to adulthood. Gray's approach is positive, practical and realistic, providing age-specific advice with clear explanations of developmental stages for adopted children and checking age-specific advice with clear explanations of developmental stages for adopted children and checklists to help parents assess how their child is doing at each stage. The best part, for those of us who adopted before this book was published, is that it's never too late to learn. For those struggling with serious attachment disorders, this book could be a lifesaver. I agree with Nancy Thomas [the author of 'When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD] who wrote: 'This is the most comprehensive work on the subject I have ever enjoyed reading...My wish would be that every adoptive parent could read this book before beginning the journey to adopt.' -- Adoptive FamiliesIn 'Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents', Deborah Gray is able to translate into the written word the same caring, compassion, and respect that she shows toward both child and parent in her person-to-person contacts. In this book she returns again and again to the importance of both nurturing and structure in working to form close family relationships; the striking part is how well she is able to provide both for parents in the writing of this book. She emotionally nurtures parents while providing clear structure for them in creating a family environment that will promote attachments. In identifying ways to promote attachment, she follows a clear developmental approach, recognizing the needs of children of varying ages and helping parents identify how and where their child might be stuck in earlier stages of development. This is very important aspect of this work; what is necessary at one stage may be inappropriate at another. My favourite chapters of the book, however, are two of the shorter ones. Both fill gaps in the adoption literature for parents. The chapter on 'Trauma and Traumatic Loss' translates the more recent information on the physiologic and psychological effects of trauma, as reported in the professional literature, into material that parents can understand and use in their day to day parenting.The second chapter that I particularly like is the one on 'Building Emotional Intelligence'. In this section, Deborah again takes the material from non-adoption sources and translates it into very practical ideas for adoptive parents to use in helping their child build and maintain healthy friendships. She identifies the gaps that children may have in their skills and provides ideas for remediation. As Deborah points out, "Skill in building and retaining healthy friendships is highly correlated with future happiness in life - much more so than are academic skills."Although this book is primarily written for parents, most professionals in the area of adoption will find a wealth of practical ideas for helping parents be successful in building attachments with their adopted children. -- Vera I. Fahlberg, M.D., author of A Child's Journey through Placement"This is the most comprehensive work on the subject I have ever enjoyed reading. Deborah's incredible insight from her years of experience with difficult kids shines through in this enlightening book. No stone is left unturned in her effort to give a clear understanding of attachment. This book will be a powerful tool to help families with their children wounded by attachment breaks. My wish would be that every adoptive parent could read this book before beginning their journey."Nancy Thomas, founder of Families by Design, parent trainer, presenter, and author of 'When Love is Not Enough -- A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD.'"This positive, but realistic book is an important resource for all adoptive families, at any stage of pre and post-adoption. The information on attachment challenges will allow prospective adoptive parents to understand the possible issues of their new children. Those that have adopted will be able to recognize some behaviors of their children and learn methods of parenting that will help all to achieve success.As an adoptive parent and adoption professional, I found the vignettes heart warming and at other times, heart wrenching, but realistic and achievable within a hectic family setting. The clear explanations of the phases allows parents to easily measure where they are, where their children are and how they can improve their parenting and health of entire family. 'Attaching in Adoption' is also a valuable resource for professionals who work with parents. It will assist them to help parents to manoeuvre the sometimes-challenging path of adoptive parenting. Deborah's focus on the health of the family helps to normalize the specialized skills and techniques taught. -- Yolanda Comparan, MSW, Program Manager, Adoption Resource Center Northwest Region (Seattle) Children's Home Society of WashingtonTable of ContentsAcknowledgements. Introduction: Equipping Parents of Children at Risk for Attachment Problems. 1. What is Attachment and Why is it Important? 2. Challenges for Children and Parents. 3. What Children Have Already Learned About Attachment. 4. Grief and Its Effects. 5. Trauma and Traumatic Loss. 6. The Impact of Cultural Change. 7. Other Complications for Attaching. 8. Emotional Development: Promoting Attachment at Every Phase. 9. The Shape of Progress. 10. Relaxing the Grip of Anxiety and Control. 11. The Fairness Factor. 12. Building Emotional Intelligence. 13. Forming a Team of Support. 14. Getting Professional Help. Epilogue. Appendix. Resources. Index.

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Book SynopsisThe perfect starting point for parents of transracially adopted children and those who are considering adopting transracially.The Interracial Adoption Option is a personal guide to interracial adoption which draws on the lives and experiences of the authors, a white US couple, who adopt two African-American children. Starting from their decision to adopt their first child interracially, it describes the situations and decisions that followed as a result of their child's racial background. The authors' combine their personal experiences with practical advice. They address common issues like where to live, how to choose a doctor and how to take care of your child's hair and skin. They also tackle difficult questions such as, 'Does race matter?' 'Why is a healthy racial identity important?' and 'What do I do if I suspect my child is being treated unfairly because of his/her race?' An accessible introduction to the complex world of interracial adoption, this book is the first book you need to read if you are thinking of adopting transracially or have done so already.Trade ReviewRarely does a book address the particular challenges of parenting children adopted into a family of a different race. This work eloquently weaves together cutting edge scholarship on racial identity development in children with pragmatic approaches to parenting transracially. Fine and Johnson offer the reader, both parent and adoption professional, a highly accessible map to traverse this previously unexplored terrain of transracial adoption. They provide rich vignettes that boldly and poignantly illustrate the preparation and skills necessary for all involved in the field of transracial adoption. This is a highly valuable contribution to our understanding of adoption across races. -- Kathleen Reardon, Ph.D., MSW, Founder and Co-director, Crossroads Counseling Associates, Harvard, Massachusetts, USAMuch more than an excellent guide to transracial adoption, The Interracial Adoption Option: Creating a Family Across Race is an invitation to the opportunity, joy, and richness of becoming a multiracial family. It underscores how critical it is for white parents of children of color to acknowledge their own privilege and to make a lifelong commitment to guiding their children in developing a healthy racial identity -- and provides a wealth of concrete ideas, examples, and resources for doing so. Fern Johnson and Marlene Fine seamlessly combine the wisdom of scholars with the warmth of loving, adoptive mothers in a beautifully written and accessible book that blends exhaustive research with the fullness of lived experience. -- Kara Mikulich, Adoptive MotherBased on my experience as the adoptive parent of an African-American son, this book succinctly captures the unique rewards and challenges of adopting a child of a different race. Many dilemmas and decisions explored by the authors mirrored my own journey, and made me wish that this book had been written twenty years ago. Their informative and straightforward discussion offers insights for those considering forming a multiracial family through adoption, and for those seeking to understand and support such families. It fills an important gap in the adoption literature and offers insights for all involved with transracial adoptive families. -- Linda Pursley, Adoptive ParentTable of ContentsAcknowledgements. Introduction. 1. Making the Decision to Adopt a Child of Another Race: When Birds of a Feather Might Not Flock Together. 2. Talking about Race and Adoption with Others: You're Doing What?!! 3. Helping Your Child Develop a Healthy Racial Identity: 'Daddy, Why Am I Brown and You're Pink?'. 4. Talking about Race and Adoption with Your Child: 'Mommy, Who's My Real Daddy?'. 5. Navigating School: Homework for Parents. 6. Creating a Support System for You and Your Child: It Takes a Village. Index.

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Book SynopsisMother Bird is looking after her baby bird in the forest, when a huge storm scatters her nest. Try as she might, she just can't give him the protection he needs. She faces a choice: continue to struggle on her own, or give her precious baby bird to another family who can care for him in their strong, secure nest. In this classic adoption picture book for children, common issues in adoption are addressed—from the enduring force of a birth parent's love and contact post-adoption to the importance of nurturing an adopted child in his or her new environment. It is a timeless and enduring tale of sacrifice, wisdom and love.This book is ideal for reading aloud with adopted children aged 5–10 and their siblings, whether at home or in school.Trade ReviewThis tender and beautifully written story about a little bird, who must make the sad decision to give up her baby for adoption because she is too young to be able to look after it properly, is matched by equally tender and beautiful black and white chalk illustrations. -- Healthy BooksSo many children's books avoid, or gloss over, the story of how a child began, who they were before adoption, who their parent(s) were, and why adoption became part of their life. The Mulberry Bird has been one of the few books that poignantly and sensitively tells a real story, and clearly portrays the birth mother as loving and emotionally connected to her child. In this way, the book tells a story that is not about abandonment, but rather about how a birthmother, faced with what seemed insurmountable, became a loving, caring and uniquely responsible parent.I have 'prescribed' this book over the years, not only for adopted children, but also to help birthparents who are raising children born to them after the adoption. This edition is much more sensitively conveyed because of the magnificent art that evokes so much along with Anne's words. I will continue to 'prescribe' this book to many! -- Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao, Lecturer in Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School, CEO Pavao Consulting and Coaching, Cambridge and New YorkChildren need guidance in understanding adoption-related issues that include lack of birthparent resource, being part of one family and connected to another family, and decision-making in child welfare. Anne Brodzinsky's book helps me to explain these abstract ideas to children. The themes, as portrayed in the book, are easily grasped by children. This is a valuable book for therapists, caseworkers, or parents as they assist children in processing adoption information. -- Deborah D. Gray MSW, MPA, Founder, Nurturing Attachments, and author of Attaching in Adoption and Nurturing AdoptionsA must have for adoptive parents and professionals. The Mulberry Bird is a classic adoption book which shapes a narrative for adopted children of all ages to understand the complexities of their personal adoption stories. It is a powerful resource to explore the underpinnings of the choices in adoption and helps to answer the resonating question in the minds of all adoptees, "Why was I adopted?" It is a story that can be retold over and over as children's developmental understanding of adoption broadens. It is one of our most valuable tools here at C.A.S.E. -- Debbie Riley LCMFT, CEO, Center for Adoption Support and Education (CASE), USAThis gentle story shows the struggle of first parents with the decision to place their child for adoption and offers a reassuring answer to every adopted child's question, "Why is there adoption and why was I adopted?" This book should be on every adopted child's shelf. It is deep and real - a true classic. -- Beth Hall, Director, PACT - An Adoption Alliance, USAThe Mulberry Bird is not only a wonderful tale but also a unique tool in the life story work of any adopted child. This heart-warming story explores the tale of adoption from the perspective of the Birth Parent, which makes it a thought-provoking and supportive book for many children. The Mother Bird's plight is portrayed sensitively and emotions are explored to help the reader understand the journey which she undertakes in making the decision for her baby to be adopted. Themes of love, anxiety, acceptance and the overwhelming desire for the best care for the baby bird run throughout the story - but what truly sets the book apart is the ability to present this in both a realistic and easily understandable manner for any child. I would highly recommend this book as a tool to be used in life story work and I look forward to reading this with my own adopted children. -- Maryam Lane, Adoptive Parent, www.maryamlane.blogspot.co.ukThe Mulberry Bird is insightful, inspiring and important. Parents everywhere-and not just adoptive ones-should read it to their children (and to themselves!) for the enjoyment of a well-written book, but also to help them understand the complexity and value of this thing we call 'family. -- Adam Pertman, Executive Director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, and author of Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution Is Transforming America

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Book SynopsisWhen you decide to foster, you are faced with many difficult decisions, dilemmas and questions: How do you navigate the daily struggles of foster parenting? How can you nurture bonds with your foster child who is angry, sad, and defiant? How can you prepare to step back when it's time to let go?Foster Parenting Step-by-Step is a concise how-to guide to fostering that summarizes what to expect as a foster parent, and gives immediate practical solutions. It outlines the different stages of a fostering relationship, raising common issues encountered at each age and how to tackle them. It also explains the impact of trauma on your child: how this can show itself through challenging behavior and how to respond to it. This book will provide fostering parents with the skills and knowledge to support the needs of the children in foster care. It will be invaluable not just to foster parents but also to those professionals supporting foster placements.Trade ReviewDr. Gopal has been a lifeline for many children in foster care and their parents and foster parents for many years. [She] is also a well-known speaker and has blessed the National Foster Parent Association with numerous workshop presentations at our annual education conferences. In Foster Parenting Step-by-Step: How to Nurture the Traumatized Child and Overcome Conflict, Dr. Gopal… writes as if she were sitting across the table from you and explaining the incredibly many aspects of foster care and foster parenting. My recommendation is to read the book from cover to cover, taking time to mark those areas that you know you will want to refer to time and time again as you welcome additional children into your home. This new book provides insights and recommendations that will be beneficial to all who chose to provide foster care and/or kinship care. -- From the foreword by Irene Clements, Foster Care Consultant and President of the National Foster Parent Association (NFPA), Minneapolis, USAThis useful book is valuable for foster carers (and prospective foster carers) in helping to consider the issues around looking after other people's children who have suffered early difficulties in their lives. It will help any foster carer to work reflectively and consider the options and issues that the child they are looking after is facing, together with ideas about strategies that might usefully be used in understanding and managing situations. As with all good foster care sharing ideas and thoughts gained in studying this book is made more effective by discussion in supervision. -- Jim Bond MBE, Foster Carer and CounselorTable of ContentsQuotes from Foster Children. Preface. Introduction. 1. The Motivational Stage – First Things First! Know What to Expect. 2. The Planning Stage – About Your Family. Are You Prepared? 3. The Welcoming Stage – Getting to Know Your Foster Child. 4. Displacement Trauma. 5. The Adapting Stage – Attachment and Protecting Your Foster Child. 6. The Educational Stage – Parenting Issues and Much More. 7. The Empowering Stage – Successful Evidence-Based Strategies. 8. The Letting Go/Adopting Stage. Resources and Useful Addresses. Bibliography. Index.

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Book SynopsisCapturing the warmth and fun of forming close relationships with children, this book offers simple advice to parents of children who find it difficult to attach and bond - whether following adoption, divorce or other difficult experiences.Attachment therapist Deborah D. Gray describes how to use the latest thinking on attachment in your daily parenting. She reveals sensory techniques which have proven to help children bond - straightforward activities like keeping close eye contact or stroking a child's feet or cheeks - and explains why routines like mealtimes and play time are so important in helping children to attach. The book offers positive ideas for responding to immediate crises like difficult behaviour and meltdowns, but importantly also offers longer-term strategies to help children to develop the skills they need to cope as they grow up - the ability to plan, concentrate and be in control of their emotions. Offering fascinating insights into how children who struggle to attach can be helped, this book is full of easy-to-use ideas which will help you to enjoy the many pleasures of bonding and attaching with your child.Trade ReviewDeborah has provided us with a highly practical book aimed at helping parents to parent in a way that promotes attachment security. This book is full of wisdom and clear suggestions for parenting children with a range of insecurities across a range of ages from toddlers to teens. Whilst there are some UK/USA differences, there really is something for everyone here. I especially liked the focus on parents taking care of themselves and the way that all behavioural management suggestions are provided within the context of providing warm, nurturing care that promotes connection, security, and self esteem. When these qualities are central within parenting our children will grow to successful maturity able to fulfil their potential. -- Kim Golding, Clinical Psychologist with Worcestershire Health and Care NHS TrustA must read for parents! Informative and practical knowledge for parents about two critical aspects of childhood development; emotional intelligence and attachment. -- Dr. Sue Cornbluth, Clinical Psychologist and Professor of Psychology at Temple University, Philadelphia, USAThis is a lovely, practical, wise book that parents will find helpful on many levels. The author seamlessly integrates attachment concepts, brain science, and concrete examples of parent-child interactions to provide a well-spring of hands-on guidance for raising resilient, secure, emotionally intelligent kids. I highly recommend it. -- Jonathan Baylin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist, Broudy and Associates, Wilmington, DelawareAttaching Through Love, Hugs, and Play is an invaluable resource for parents wanting to deepen their relationship with their children. For struggling parents, Attaching Through Love, Hugs and Play provides an accessible resource for understanding what is driving their children's challenging behaviours. More importantly, in this volume, Deborah Gray provides a practical playbook for bringing joy and laughter into the parenting relationship! -- Dr. Karyn Purvis, Director of the Institute of Child Development, TCU, Fort Worth, TexasIn Attaching Through Love, Hugs, and Play, Deborah Gray focus on parenting skills that develop strong secure attachments needed for children to be willing to turn to a special adult or adults for protection, calming and reassurance of their worth. Gray provides a wealth of concrete examples of how touch, play, language, structure and limit setting can be employed to strengthen the nurturing parent-child connection that is the foundation of pre-social child development. Any parent, foster parent or adoptive parent who is helping an abused or neglected child recover from early trauma and/ or neglect will find a wealth of invaluable practical guidance in Attaching Through Love, Hugs and Play. Public child welfare agencies should consider making Deborah's Gray's books widely available to foster parents and adoptive parents who are desperate for guidance in parenting children whose early histories have left a legacy of fear, anger and distrust of caregivers. -- Dee Wilson, Director, Child Welfare Services, Casey Family Programs, Author of the Sounding Board commentariesThis easy-to-read book has much to offer to adopters or step-parents about how to develop attachments... Parents will find many examples of everyday behaviour that they face alongside practical strategies to illustrate how to respond helpfully, especially for children whose early experience include trauma, abuse or loss... As the title suggests, t values sensory approaches to forming emotional connection, using touch and play to help provide nurture and regulate emotional states... Overall this is a very rich and positive book, which presents a well-informed, humane, evidence-based view of parenting strategies that will enhance attachment. it is likely to be valuable resource, especially for parents of children who have had adverse early experiences. -- Alison Paddle, Independent social worker * Seen and Heard *Table of ContentsDedication. Introduction. 1. Close Connections: Attaching and Bonding. 2. Put Your Oxygen Mask on First 3. Teaching Children to Calm, Care, and Think: Behavior and Daily Routines. 4. Helping Children with Thinking and Caring. 5. "Carrots and Sticks", Rewards and Limits. 6. Life Stories. 7. Promoting Attachment in Tweens and Teens. Epilogue.

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Book SynopsisMeet Chelsea - a young girl who was adopted. Chelsea invites you to learn about adoption from her perspective and introduces us to two friends of hers who were also transracially adopted. Chelsea and her friends help children understand what it means to be adopted, the experiences and challenges that follow the adoption process, and how they can help. Accessible and informative, this illustrated book is an ideal introduction to adoption for children aged 7-11 and is a great tool for encouraging discussions for families, teachers and professionals working with adopted children.Trade ReviewThis useful, accessible book is written from the perspective of a young girl (,...) Chelsea's perspective, it invites the reader to understand adoption from the young person's point of view; what adoption is like, the questions, worries and fears adoptees may have and ways o open up communication about these issues... At the end of the book, there are sections specifically for parents and teachers offering advice about how they can help adopted children, and to inform parents and teachers. -- Youth in MindThe overall tenor of this book is upbeat and I can envisage it being a great help both to adopted children and those with whom they have regular contact - teachers and children - at school. -- Red Reading Hub by Jill BennettI love the honest and clear way this book tells how children come to be adopted. This explanation will be useful for adopted children trying to understand their own story, as well as informing those around them. I can definitely see the benefits of this book being used in schools as well as at home, and I will be recommending it to teachers I know and work with. -- Sarah Hill, adoption blogger and adoptive parentI think many adopted children will appreciate the straight talking on some of the emotional issues they face. -- Sally Bell, adoptive parentCan I tell you about Adoption?' is an illustrated book accessible to children aged seven+ that invites the reader to explore the thoughts and feelings that can surround adoption through the eyes of Chelsea, a young girl who wasadopted... Throughout the book Chelsea acknowledges thoughts and feelings connected to birth parents, foster parents, adopted parents and the adoptee themselves that may never go away. Helpful suggestions of how to ask an adopted child questions are given as well as a valuable insight into ways of empathically understanding how anadopted child may feel... Straight talking on emotional issues and difficult questions runs throughout the book. This makes it a useful tool for opening up discussions for parents, families, teachers and professionals who work with adopted children as well as adopted children themselves. The end of the book provides advice sections for teachers and parents which is followed by a list of helpful reading resources and organisations. -- Play TherapyThe slim publication is likely to prove a useful tool for young adopted children to enable them to raise and discuss issues they may have about their life-story with their adoptive parents and to gain confidence in discussing issues surrounding their adoptive status with their friends. It is also likely to be of value to professionals, including social workers and teachers, working with children who have been adopted, or are about to be adopted.The illustrations included in the book will help engage young readers and help to get the message home about some rather complex issues. -- Dr Darshan Sachdev, Independent Research Consultant * NAPCE Journal: Pastoral Care in Education *Overall, this book is a worthwhile read and it would help to open up discussion within a family who have an adopted child...in summary, this book sets out to help others to understand what it feels like to be adopted and I think it achieves this objective very well. -- Denise O'Neill * Irish Association of Social Workers *Table of Contents1. Introduction. 2. Introducing Chelsea. 3. My Adoption Story. 4. Meet my friends Adilu and Kira. 5. Difficult Questions and Feelings about being Adopted. 6. Good Things about Being Adopted. 7. Notes for Parents. 8. Notes for Teachers.

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Book SynopsisHow do you create an adoption portfolio that will show prospective birth families why you are the perfect adoptive parent for their child? Do you know which pictures to include and which to leave out? Do you really understand what prospective birth parents care about? This is a step-by-step guide to creating a portfolio which will reflect your personality, make a strong positive impact and encourage the right birth family to choose you. Madeleine Melcher shares the secrets she has discovered over years of creating successful portfolios, profiles and prospective birth parent letters. She combines simple and effective design ideas and tips for writing and layout with a deep understanding of how portfolios work. Importantly, this book also draws extensively on the experiences of birth mothers and the professionals who support them to examine what they are really looking for, featuring questions which prospective birth mothers will want to see answered in your portfolio. From text to design, this guide will give you the confidence to create a portfolio that sets you apart. It is essential reading for prospective adoptive parents, as well as adoption attorneys and adoption agencies advising those hoping to adopt.Trade ReviewMadeleine Melcher's expertise and guidance in creating an adoption portfolio made parents and satisfied customers out of me and my partner. This book will make the process of adopting less intimidating and the end result, parenthood, more accessible to those who want to adopt - a win-win situation for both prospective parents and children who need homes. It's a beautiful thing, a true gem. -- Beth Vollmer, adoptive parent, USAWorking with Madeleine was wonderful. She designed our adoption portfolio and we were chosen just two days after its completion. We are grateful for her knowledge and understanding of what prospective birth parents want to know about you. Her book will give you the tools needed to create a portfolio that will stand out among the rest. -- Allison and Kendall Sidorsky, adoptive parents, USAAs a birthmother and the co-founder of BirthMom Buds, I was honored to be a part of Madeleine's book. Madeleine does a great job of giving a voice to expectant mothers considering adoption and through her book educates adoptive parents on how expectant mothers considering adoption think and feel, which will in turn build healthier relationships amongst birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees. -- Nicole 'Coley' Strickland, Co-Founder of www.birthmombuds.com, USAYou're told over and over that the profile is the single most important piece in an adoption - the only way to truly represent yourself to potential birthmothers - and this can be really daunting. When faced with the challenge of making an adoption portfolio or profile, the only tool you needs is Madeleine's new book! It's like having her right there alongside you for this incredible journey, as we in fact did. Madeleine created two of our adoption portfolios, which both ended in successful adoptions. Our fourth adoption happened very quickly - and our son's birthmother still tells us over a year later, that it was all because of our portfolio. Thank you Madeleine for putting this into a book. -- Rawley and Gus Tziavias, adoptive parents, USAMs. Melcher's book assisting families with writing their Dear Prospective Birthparent letter and Adoption Profile gives not only the "how to", but an educational experience as well. She discusses what pregnant couples are looking for in an adoptive family to raise their child, the importance of keeping contact agreements between the two families that must be honored (even though many states now have legally binding contracts), and different designs and text to create their profile. Dear Birthmother letters have been used for quite some time but the additional need now for a booklet makes this a timely book for everyone considering an adoption placement. The workbook at the end further assists prospective adoptive families. How To Create a Successful Adoption Portfolio is very insightful, well thought out and helpful. -- Maxine Chalker, MSW/LSW, Founder, President & CEO, Adoptions From The Heart, USAHow-to" tells you something."Why-to" tells you more. Way more.This book will tell you both.At a time when there is so much confusing advice about adoption, Ms. Melcher "gets it. -- Birney Bull, adoption attorney, Savannah, GA, USA, www.AdoptNeed.comFor families who are feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of writing an adoption or family profile this book is a great place to start... Very easy to read and follow it touches on all the bases, knowing your audience, remembering the guidelines set forth by your agency or attorney, the importance of photos etc. This book is a great place to start and makes the task of writing an adoption profile much more manageable. -- Wordpress.comAs an adoptive dad of two-and starting the process to adopt #3-my wife and I have created several adoption profiles (aka portfolios). We had guidelines to follow from our agency and we got better at creating them but after getting Madeleine's book, we found a great process for creating the best profile. She does an amazing job teaching about how to start, what you need to know, writing your letter to a prospective birthmother, how to layout the pages and (in my opinion) the most important part-how to make your profile unique.I highly recommend getting the book. A HUGE bonus in the book is that it contains a wonderful workbook in the back that takes you step by step through creating your portfolio. Good stuff! This WILL help you. -- Tim Elder of InfantAdoptionGuide.comTable of Contents1. Introduction - "I understand...". 2. What is an Adoption Portfolio? 3. Before You do Anything Else... 4. What Prospective Birthmothers are Looking for. 5. Get Your Camera Out Now! - Pictures ARE Important! 6. Writing Your Text and Preparing for Layout: Insight and Samples by Page. 7. Speciality Text Issues. 8. What Will Your Design Say about You? 9. Ways to Create Your Portfolio. 10. Your Final Review - Getting a Fresh Set of Eyes. 11. Printing Choices Make a Difference. 12. Marketing Yourself Making Use of Your Portfolio. 13. Letting Go. 14. Your Dream CAN Come True. 15. Workbook Questions for Core Pages.

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Book SynopsisThe Foster Parenting Manual is a comprehensive guide offering proven, friendly advice for novice and experienced parents alike. Distilling many years' experience into one book, John DeGarmo combines his own wisdom with that of fellow foster parents. He describes what to expect from the process, how to access help and how to ensure the best care for your child. He tackles thorny issues such as children's use of the Internet and social media, managing contact with birth parents and how to support your child at school. Most importantly, he provides advice designed to help your child feel safe, secure and loved.The Foster Parenting Manual offers seasoned, sympathetic advice that will be valued by foster parents and the professionals who support them.Trade ReviewDeGarmo, an experienced foster parent of more than 30 children, fills the gap in current, quality literature on foster parenting with this concise yet comprehensive guide for potential foster parents or those affected. Beginning with a short history of the practice, he helps readers understand who foster children are, how best to understand their challenges and struggles, and how to establish rules and expectations in a home, as well as considerations for working with caseworkers and birth families... VERDICT For anyone considering becoming a foster parent, this title is esstential reading, full of rich advice. Unequivocally recommended. -- Library Journal, starred reviewJohn DeGarmo's new book, The Foster Parenting Manual exceeds expectations! Realistic and honest, it effectively describes the foster care system with discernment, describes being a foster parent and a foster family clearly and compassionately and it describes the children in the foster care system with empathy, sensitivity and truthfulness. It is an honor to endorse this book. -- Irene Clements, Foster Care Consultant and President of the National Foster Parent Association (NFPA), Minneapolis, USAThis is a unique book for people doing a unique job of fostering children which explains the subject simply and pragmatically. The gift of this book is the way it dispels the myths surrounding fostering and should help to lessen the anxiety around caring for someone else's child and also children who can struggle to accept care. It also provides carers with practical and reassuring guidance - encouraging positive outcomes in what can be a difficult yet rewarding partnership. The real-life examples support research in the field, and provide non-fostering adults a glimpse into the world of foster families and families themselves with insights and guidance from peers. This book is a fostering manual for the modern age and supports good learning for us all. -- Gradle Gardner Martin, Foster Care and Social Work Trainer, Elevate Training and Development Ltd, London, UKJohn DeGarmo is one of foster care's most promising experts. His new book The Foster Parenting Manual: A Practical Guide to Creating a Loving, Safe, and Stable Home is an essential resource for any foster parent or foster care professional. DeGarmo's detailed knowledge of foster care coupled with a smooth delivery ensures the reader of an informative and entertaining reading experience. -- Chris Chmielewski, Owner and Editor, Foster Focus magazine, Pennsylvania, USAJohn DeGarmo's latest book, The Foster Parenting Manual is a valuable reference for both prospective and new foster carers, written from the carer's perspective. Whilst some material in the manual may be specific to the foster care system in the United States, the book contains many practical suggestions on how to manage the day to day interactions with a foster child in a way that assists the child. The book is easy to read and could be used as a basis for a series of training sessions for new carers. Caseworkers would benefit from the book's perspective on many of the issues that carers face. The book points to the universality of the issues societies face in raising children who are separated from their families and the critical importance of providing them with supportive care. -- Scott Bray, Life Without Barriers, AustraliaThe Foster Parenting Manual: A Practical Guide to Creating a Loving, Safe and Stable Home lays the foundation of understanding for potential and current foster parents. It answers all the questions up front, so people can easily determine if fostering will be the right path for them. DeGarmo covers all of the important topics, including allegations, grief and loss and so much more… The manual is a must-read for anyone considering foster parenting. -- Kim Phagan-Hansel, Editor of Adoption Today & Fostering Families Today, Colorado, USAThe author as an experienced foster carer himself acknowledges how difficult placements can be and the many challenges it may have on the foster carer's family life... This is an excellent aid for both foster carers and prospective foster carers as well as professionals who are responsible for placing children. -- Aileen Dunne, children's guardian and independent social worker * Seen and Heard *Table of ContentsAcknowledgements. Foreword by Mary Perdue, Former First Lady of Georgia. Introduction. 1. Foster Care: Children, Parents, and Caseworkers. 2. The History of Foster Care. 3. Training. 4. Placement: What to do Beforehand/How to Prepare. 5. Problems Foster Children Face. 6. Creating Rules and Expectations. 7. Your Foster Child and His Development. 8. Foster Children and School. 9. Working with Caseworkers. 10. Birth Parents and You. 11. Protecting Yourself and Family. 12. Finding Help as a Foster Parent. 13. When a Foster Child Leaves. 14. Adoption. 15. Resources. Index.

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Book SynopsisFoster children are more likely than other children to be involved in risky activities online due to backgrounds of neglect and abuse, an absence of supportive adults, lower self-esteem, and greater exposure to drugs and alcohol. Covering all the dangers of online technology that your foster child might encounter, from cyberbullying and "sexting", to child grooming and online hoaxes, this book pays particular attention to dangers unique to foster families, such as the difficulties internet access poses for maintaining formal arrangements for contact with birth families. DeGarmo equips foster parents and professionals with strategies to keep foster children safe online, giving tips on establishing expectations for internet usage, advice on how to prevent inappropriate contact and protect personal information, and explaining the importance of "netiquette". An indispensable guide to negotiating online dangers, this is required reading for all foster families as well as residential child care workers, social workers and other professionals working with children in care.Trade ReviewI'm grateful to Dr. John DeGarmo for tackling this overwhelming and frustrating topic. He has made it easy to understand both the pitfalls and the positive learning experiences associated with technology and social media. The information in this book is vital to everyone who works in the foster care system or who develops training programs for the children and youth in care. -- Irene Clements, President, National Foster Parent Association, USA“Keeping Foster Children Safe Online should not only be on the nightstand of every foster parent - it should be in the hands of every parent whose children are online." -- From the Foreword by Kim Hansel, Editor, Adoption Today and Fostering Families TodayThis book provides a wealth of information, good and ghastly, about the dangers and risks that foster carers, adoptive and biological parents, teachers, youth workers, social workers and others who work with, teach or live with preteens and adolescents really ought to know!... This book should be read and re-read and information shared... Having been a foster carer myself, I cannot highly enough recommend this book to anyone who lives or work with young people - not just foster children. -- Nurturing Potential, Potential UnleashedDeGarmo looks at the positives of internet use but also explores in detail the "nastiness" of the cyber-world we all know about... the addition of case studies brings the realities of this to life... this is an invaluable resource and should be required reading for all parents and everyone in the children's workforce. -- REES Centre NewsletterTable of ContentsForeword. Preface. Introduction - It's a Digital World. 1. Sex, Violence and Scams. 2. Establishing Ground Rules. 3. Social Networking. 4. Texting and Sexting. 5. Cyberbullying: Beyond the Playground. 6. Contact with Birth Parents. 7. Sexual Predators. 8. Access to Drugs, Alcohol and Cigarettes. 9. Apps and Video Games. Conclusion. About the Author. Resources. References. Glossary of Terms.

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Book SynopsisChild Adoption is a straightforward, concise and comprehensive guide which adoptive parents and the professionals who advise them will find invaluable. R.A.C. Hoksbergen covers the practical and emotional issues and possible problems which affect child and parents in adoption, such as:* preparation of the family and the child* adopting from different races or cultures, and dealing with discrimination* helping the child adjust to school* discussing the adoptive status with the child.This handbook provides much-needed information so that everyone involved in the adoption process can make educated and fully thought-out decisions. It is invaluable reading for any professional involved in the process of adoption including adoption workers and lawyers, social workers and couples who are considering adoption.Trade ReviewHere is a truly international perspective, perceptive, gentle, humorous and ironic. The views and utterances of adoptive children and adults who were adopted in childhood, are particularly enlightening....a welcome addition to the learning material of adoption educators and trainers. -- Issues in Social Work EducationCovers a whole range of issues related to adoption. The book is indeed very useful for couples preparing for international adoption, especially when they are preparing for a home-study or when a home-study is already in progress. The book is well worth reading. The book contains a welath of information, is very concise and the list of references makes it easy to find more information on the subjects touched upon in the book. -- Adoption UKThis book will be of interest to all professionals dealing with adoption, as it outlines possible problems realistically and backs up its case with plenty of research. I would recommend it to all trans-racial adopters unreservedly. -- Child Care in PracticeThe book is informative, non-judgemental, and sensitive to the initial problems for both adopters and adoptees. Its contents are supported by research and from the writer's own experiences of over 20 years of work in this area... The advice given can be of help to those adopting in many situations. My experience, having read the book, is that it achieves what it set out to do. For anyone who feels they need information or guidelines to adoption this is a book that is worth reading, especially if you work in this field. -- Psychotherapy and CounsellingAn informative, comprehensive guide to the possible challenges of adoption. -- ParentwiseTable of ContentsPreface 1. What do adoptive parents have to take into consideration? 2. Why do people adopt a child? 3. Adoptive parents need intensive preparation 4. The arrival of the child changes the family 5. The adoptive child at school 6. Some years later 7. Psychic homelessness and adoption 8. Transracial adoption and discrimination 9. The adoptive status should be discussable for the parents as well as for the children Conclusion. Appendix: Adoption Centre Brochure

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Book SynopsisThis is a book of real life stories of adopters which takes the reader through every stage of the adoption process starting with the moment when they decide that adoption is the right option for them to the stories of adoptees brought up by adoptive parents.In between, the book looks at all the different types of adoption that are carried out by all sorts of families from all sorts of children of every race and age and with every kind of problem. They range from babies who are only days old when they are taken into an adoptive family to teenagers with a multitude of psychological and physical problems. The book looks at both the success and failure of these adoptions.Its aim is to inform and enlighten professionals, adopters, potential adopters and all those whose lives have in some way been touched by adoption or want to know more about it.In 15 chapters it includes more than 70 real life stories which are all told from the heart sometimes in a moment of crisis and sometimes at a time of joy. They are not analysed, they are true stories about how it feels to be at the centre of adoption. All the stories, which have been recounted over the past 10 years, are reflective of adoption today in Britain.The book also includes a chapter on the legal aspects of adoption and a further chapter of useful information and addresses.Trade ReviewWould that there had been such a book when our sons were little, especially when we added a seven year old with emotional and behavioral difficulties to the family. I hope that everyone involved in adoption will be aware of the existence of this book, since it covers the actual experience of adoption form every aspect... Those who have contributed to this rich collection of personal experiences have been generous in sharing their hopes and fears: the good moments and the moments of utter despair and even failure... Like any book that is a compendium of writings, it would be easy to imagine that people, for whom adoption was a painful experience, would not have a voice here. This might be true to some extent but there are accounts of adoptions that failed, and times when tracing a birth-parent did not bring complete happiness. There are stories that might have been painful to write but can shed light on what it means to be an aopder or an adoptee, such as the story of the family whose badly damaged son suddenly seemed to thrive, and went on to become a successful business and family man, only to committ suicide at 27. This book should be required reading for all social workers, teachers, would be adopters, adopters and their doctors. For years adoption was a family secret for the birth-mother and the adopters. Now we are passed that stage it is important that the stories be heard. -- Mental Health Care and Learning Disabilities.The most appealing aspect of this book is that it consists of actual stories from actual adopters, incorporating every part of the adoption process from the 'short moment of pure joy and excitement for most potential adopters when they first decide that they want to adopt' to their feelings about their children seeking a reunion with their natural families or simply leaving home. The accounts, taken from this very journal over the past 10 years, have a rare honesty about them, resulting in an unadulterated insight into both the joys and the nightmares that adoption can bring. It is for this reason that I would describe it as a must for anyone considering adoption - including professionals - whose life has already been touched by adoption. Read from start to finish, it is as compelling as any novel, but the way the accounts are separated into themes such as "You want to adopt" and "Telling, tracing and the need to know more" - each with an introduction by the editor - also makes it a volume that can be accessed as a reference book. -- Adoption UKThis collection of first hand experiences of adoption has been compiled by Adoption UK. It is aimed primarily at adopters and prospective adopters and has the express aim of encouraging those who are thinking about adoption to consider it more seriously. However, it will be of general interest and offers an engaging and informative read for anyone interested in the adoption process and the issues it raises. Adoption UK believe that all children have a right to a family life, and lament the number of children who still wait for suitable adopters- particularly black children, older white children and children with disabilities. Through adopters own experiences the book covers the decision to adopt and the process of adoption, the adoption of school children and adolescents, children with a physical or learning disability, children who have been abused, adoption by single parents and gay couples and race and adoptions. -- ChildrightTable of Contents1. You want to adopt. 2. First meetings, first months, falling in love - good times, bad times, bonding. 3. Adopting babies and toddlers. 4. Adopting schoolchildren. 5. Taking on an adolescent. 6. Adopting children with a physical or mental disability. 7. Adopting a physically or sexually abused child. 8. Unusual adopters - single parents, unmarried couples, homosexuals, adoption over birth choice. 9. Adoption and race. 10. Openness in adoption. 11. Attached or unattached, the ongoing problem. 12. The nightmare - when an adoption breaks down. 13. Telling and talking. 14. Tracing. 15. The birth mother's story. 16. What adoptees say. Appendix 1. Legal issues. 2. Index of organisations.

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Book SynopsisWritten by an experienced adoptive parent, this clear, sensitive and practical handbook is designed to encourage and support adoptive and long-term foster parents, their children and adolescents. An adopted child may well have suffered abuse, neglect or inconsistent parenting in the past; he or she will certainly have experienced painful separations and losses. These early traumatic experiences, often expressed in emotional and behavioural problems within the family, can conceal a broad range of subtle alterations to the brain and nervous system of the developing child. They may become increasingly problematic as the youngster approaches the developmental challenges of adolescence.Drawing on both firsthand experience and some of the latest medical research, Caroline Archer presents strategies to help parents deal with their youngsters' troubling behaviour and to make them feel more comfortable, in what seems to them a hostile world.Archer sets out to provide adoptive and foster parents with an understanding of the complex range of difficulties with which their children may struggle as a result of their early experience of adversity. By exploring, in very simple ways, the effects of adverse experiences on the child's built-in biological response systems, she assists parents to make sense of the frequently perplexing behaviours of the hurt child within their family. Common situations which she specifically addresses include: sleep problems; anger, aggression and violence; lying and stealing; staying out late and running away; addictive behaviours and self harm; impulsiveness and risk-taking; sex; suicide and compulsive eating disorders.Following on from First Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts: Tiddlers and Toddlers (2nd edition), Next Steps will be an invaluable resource for adoptive and foster parents seeking to support their child through the later stages of childhood and adolescence. This book will also be an essential practical guide for professionals working with families and eager to gain a thorough understanding of the on-going developmental and relationship difficulties of adopted children.Trade ReviewIf you don't buy another book buy this one. For adoptive parents and foster carers, and for professionals working in either field, this is a must. Here the perplexing behaviours that drive us to despair and seriously threaten relationships, are explored with great sensitivity and a depth of understanding that has long been awaited. Caroline Archer draws upon new medical research to illustrate the changes to the brain and development of young people who have endured early trauma, and uses first hand experiences to provide a practical guide to the egg-shell-strewn daily journey with pre-teens and adolescents, All the problems we thought were ours alone – and surely due to our personal mismanagement – are explained here in this clear and well-constructed publication. Easy to read, it tackles with honesty all circumstances from bed-wetting to suicide attempts, lying to exploitation, sexuality to addictions and self-injury to protection of siblings. It also offers reassurance, encouragement and strategies allowing you to recognise and reach out to the child who hurts. -- Foster Care[Reviewed with First Steps] 'The holistic approach makes it particularly relevant to occupational therapists. They will be pleased to see references to neurological development and a mention of the value of sensory integration for some children whose trauma has caused tactile defensiveness or some other sensory problem. However, the majority of the chapters rightly deal with the psychological aspects. The focus on parents and carers does not prevent realistic advice on when to seek help from professionals. A sympathetic understanding of the children's feelings is balanced by a real concern for the needs of carers and the rest of the family. There is a clear recognition that firm boundaries are essential and there is frequent emphasis on positive approaches… I have found “Tykes and Teens” so supportive in my work with children who hurt and their foster or adoptive families that I am recommending it to parents and colleagues alike. I also recommend it to all NAPOT members who are involved in this field.' -- NAPOT Journal…this is a clear, sensitive and extremely practical handbook which looks at the reasons behind difficult behaviour, especially the effects of early trauma in a child's life, as well as suggesting strategies for dealing with it… This is a must-have book for adopters and foster carers and is also highly recommended for ordinary parents and step-parents whose children hurt for other reasons. If you are only in the early stages of considering adopting or fostering, it may open your eyes to issues you have not considered but try not to let its realism put you off unnecessarily. Not all children who have been through the care system have extreme problems, especially if they are given the sensitive support suggested here. -- Adoption and FosteringThis book follows on logically from the First Steps book and continues the challenging journey through childhood and into adolescence… In essence this is a book about love, and the ability to express it towards the adopted child, despite persistent and often extreme tests of that love. The author uses innovative imagery to explain the effects of emotional trauma early in the adopted child's life which may result in the “scared kid”, the “stuffed kid” and finally the “superkid”. The “looking glass” model is particularly effective at describing the marked perceptual differences that may arise between the child and the parent… A large section of the book is devoted to a review of specific sensitive situations that commonly arise… These range from bedwetting to stealing to self-injury and suicide. No attempt is made to offer all the answers and indeed the author emphasises that only the parent will know what is right for their own particular family and set of circumstances. This is another excellent book which draws on the real experiences of many adoptive parents and their families… For some the solutions suggested will not prove appropriate and for others very different problems will arise. However the basic tenets of the book deserve the widest possible readership amongst all those involved with adoptive children. -- Ed Abrahamson, Consultant Paediatrician, for Adoption UK JournalThe author's basic premise is that all children who have been adopted or placed in long-term care have undergone some form of psychological hurt. She argues that while some children will be more resilient to this hurt than others, many children will need their hurt to be acknowledged by their parents/carers, and be allowed to grieve for their losses in order to move forward to a life of greater well-being and fulfillment. [The book begins] by exploring such issues as bringing a child home, child development and what to do when things “don't seem quite right”. Other issues covered are the effects of trauma on a child, and how to handle specific difficulties that may arise with an adopted child. -- Family MattersNext Steps deals with “tykes and teens”. It looks at... potential hazards, such as addictive behaviour, sexual acting out and drug and alcohol use, all now, arguably, the birth-right of any parent. Of particular use here is a section called “Principles into Practice” where a range of scenarios is proposed with possible outcomes. These could also serve as training material…grounded in hard won experience. -- Community CareTable of ContentsForeword by Professor David Howe. What is Adoption UK? Introduction. 1. Coming Home. 2. More Beginnings: Continuing Child Development. 3. When Things Don't Seem Quite Right. 4. Through the Looking Glass. 5. Fundamental Principles. 6. Principles into Practice. 7. Sensitive Situations. Glossary. References. Hope Against Hope.

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Book SynopsisThe Silicon Tongue is centred on the life of London-born Alice who was brought to New Zealand as a servant in the 1930s. Tricked by the authorities into believing she was an orphan, Alice tells her story into the tape recorder of a mysterious oral historian and discloses family secrets of rape and adoption. She discovers a kinship with a teenage nethead called Pixel and learns that old women can fly in cyberspace along with the young. Meanwhile, Alice’s daughter Joy finds out that when it comes to family stories there is always more than one version of the truth.

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Book SynopsisWriter Elspeth Sandys was born during the Second World War, the result of a brief encounter between two people who would never meet again. The first nine months of her life were spent in the Truby King Karitane Hospital in Dunedin, where she was known by her birth name, Frances Hilton James. This would change with her adoption into the Somerville family. A new birth certificate was issued and Frances James became Elspeth Sandilands Somerville. Tom and Alice Somerville, Elspeth''s new parents, lived with their son John in Dunedin''s Andersons Bay. While Elspeth was happy among the ebullient and welcoming Somerville clan, she had a difficult relationship with her adoptive mother, who was frequently hospitalised with mental health problems. Elspeth''s search for her birth parents did not begin until much later in her adult life. What she discovered after an exhaustive search provided answers that were both disturbing and, ultimately, rewarding. What Lies Beneath is a searing, amusing, and never less than gripping tale of a difficult life, beautifully told.

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Book SynopsisRecently there has been a renewed interest in family placement, its effectiveness and its value for money. What Works in Adoption and Foster Care? reviews changes in policy and practice and will assist managers and practitioners in family and childcare social work to make decisions based on sound evidence about where to place children and what sort of practice is likely to bring about the desired outcomes for children, birth relatives, foster carers and the adoptive family. The authors explore the factors that research indicates are likely to be associated with positive outcomes, how practice can be evaluated and what outcome measures can be used, and also look at the shortcoming of this research.

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Book SynopsisAn unusually humorous and candid memoir of Mulholland's experiences of growing up adopted, searching for and finding his birth mother and dealing with the psychological trauma he associates with the adoption.

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Book SynopsisThe true and moving story of a family's adoption of a little boy with cerebral palsy.

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Book SynopsisHonest and heartfelt, Laurel Ashton's memoir focuses on the adoption of not one, but two baby girls.

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Book SynopsisThe true story of a lesbian couple who adopted three girls.

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Book SynopsisA handy pocket book containing all the essential information a busy adoption worker needs to know. Fully updated with 2013 government legislation.

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Book SynopsisThe Don’t Touch Garden explores what it is to be adopted, both for the child and the adoptive parents, through a wide range of poetic styles and complex emotions.An absorbing account of the legacy of being an adopted child. Forthright and tender, this moving sequence reflects Foley’s unflinching gaze into the mirror in a sometimes excoriating attempt to discern traces of her belonging, and to make peace with the past. Joy Howard, Poet, publisher and former Fostering Services Manager

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Book SynopsisThe author’s account of being abandoned by her mother as a young child and her life in homes and institutions will captivate any reader. The mystery of her search for her mother and constant rejections will leave the reader wondering what demons drove her to be so elusive. “Call Me Auntie” was the best her mother could offer but this was just the start of a bizarre sequence of events. After discovering she had a brother and looking for her long lost family in Barbados the author finally came to understand she “may be a princess after all”. Call Me Auntie is a story of survival, resilience and changing attitudes to racism and ethnicity as the author forged a successful career beginning as a Woolworth’s shop girl before joining the police, then moving into social work. Extract: ‘Our new house-parents were Harold and Dora … He was a big guy who always looked angry. She was a little mousy figure but with a steel will underneath … Overnight, the household regime changed. As controlled as our lives might have been in the [previous houseparents’] time, the changes were shocking. Chores had to be performed to much higher standards, and there were new ones … There were new rules, routines, and responsibilities. But this was not all. With the new chores and new rules, our fear set in.'Trade Review‘Anne’s story is a compelling account, not just of her search for her birth mother but of her extraordinary journey from being a child in care, then qualifying as a social worker and finally becoming a magistrate … I read it at a sitting and could not put it down. Her account of life in a children’s home in the 1960s and 1970s deserves to find a place on every social work training course’— Retired Judge Robert Zara; ‘A must-read for anyone who wants to make a difference for children and their lives. Make it compulsory for all social work students’— John Bolton, Visiting Professor, Institute of Public Care, Oxford Brookes University, and a former Director of Social Services.

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Book SynopsisHow do you teach a mother to love her child, when she's still a child herself?Jeanie Doyle nurtures, teaches and cares for young and dysfunctional mums, showing them how to care for their newborn babies, sometimes even taking the mother into foster care before the baby is born.The first in a brand-new series of books by the 'foster super-gran', Wicked Girl is the shocking true story of the very first case Jeanie dealt with: a baby girl who was found abandoned on the steps of a church just before Christmas. While the 14-year-old mother was tracked down, Jeanie took her little daughter into her own care. But while she tried to help the two of them heal and bond, the terrible truth about the baby's father was revealed...A twist on the standard Cathy Glass books, Wicked Girl offers Jeanie's rare perspective of fostering young women alongside their babies. Will mother and daughter be reunited for good, or will the vulnerable young mother make the heartbreaking decision that they are both better off apart?

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Book SynopsisFor anyone considering or going through Fostering for Adoption, this book gives you a detailed, personal account of the process which takes you through all the stages and prepares you to cope with the highs and lows. Fostering for Adoption is a relatively recent initiative (Children and Families Act, 2014) in the adoption legal landscape, seeking early permanence for babies and young children where adoption is most likely to be the plan for the child. This is often cited as a route to be in the best interests of the child, enabling secure attachments and stability. However, for adopters it is inherently risky, it is the adopters who take on the risk in this situation, accept the placement on a fostering basis and hope that the final outcome will be adoption. There is currently a knowledge gap on experiences of Fostering for Adoption which this book tackles. Written from an adopters’ perspective of the risks and challenges, as well as the benefits that it brings, it is perfect for those who are considering the process as well as their friends and family. A book on Fostering for Adoption can’t just focus on one story and one outcome so we’ve included case studies which cover the key experiences adopters may face when agreeing to accept a baby on a Foster to Adopt placement such as: Caring for a baby a few days after birth The paperwork, rules and fostering process The uncertainty and risk Meeting with birth parents Contact Looking after a withdrawing baby A termination of placement Written in an engaging and friendly style, this book is perfect reading for anyone looking to adopt a child and for adoption professionals seeking to understand the experience of the adopter more profoundly. Praise for Fostering for Adoption "As someone who has been through a similar journey this book resonated with me. It is honest about the ups and downs and is a great, informative book for anybody thinking of taking this route or who have family or friends that are. I can say that this book will help anyone at the beginning of their journey, to help them through the process and – start the lifetime of learning about how we can support our children." Lisa Faulkner, Author, Meant to be "Alice’s book will be a great companion to anyone considering or starting on the foster to adopt process. It is well-researched and written and doesn’t shy away from the many complexities and the considerations that adults must make in the best interests of children." Sally Donovan, Author of No Matter What, and Editor of Adoption Today "I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, I found myself laughing and getting emotional throughout. As someone who has themselves been adopted, but who is also a social worker who has now adopted a child, this book is brilliant from every angle. A must read for anyone considering Fostering for Adoption." Jo, Social Worker, Midlands “This book gives a balanced and honest view of the whole Fostering for Adoption journey. It gets to the emotions and seriousness of decisions being made about children's lives. This is an important read for any potential adopter and will be on our book lists for sure” Angi, Social Worker, Adoption Tees Valley Trade Review"As someone who has been through a similar journey this book resonated with me. It is honest about the ups and downs and is a great, informative book for anybody thinking of taking this route or who have family or friends that are. I can say that this book will help anyone at the beginning of their journey, to help them through the process and – start the lifetime of learning about how we can support our children." -- Lisa Faulkner * Author of Meant to be *"Alice’s book will be a great companion to anyone considering or starting on the foster to adopt process. It is well-researched and written and doesn’t shy away from the many complexities and the considerations that adults must make in the best interests of children." -- Sally Donovan * Author of No Matter What, and Editor of Adoption Today *"I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, I found myself laughing and getting emotional throughout. As someone who has themselves been adopted, but who is also a social worker who has now adopted a child, this book is brilliant from every angle. A must read for anyone considering Fostering for Adoption." -- Jo * Social Worker, Midlands, UK *"This book gives a balanced and honest view of the whole Fostering for Adoption journey. It gets to the emotions and seriousness of decisions being made about children's lives. This is an important read for any potential adopter and will be on our book lists for sure." -- Angi * Social Worker, Adoption Tees Valley *Table of ContentsCh 1: Introduction and background to Foster to Adopt Ch 2: Where our story begins: The first training session and Stage 1 Ch 3: Expressing our story: Stage 2, the home assessment and panel Ch 4: Who will join our story? Matching, tracking and the emotional rollercoaster Ch 5: The story continues: Being matched and more waiting Ch 6: Our story gets real: Transition and placement Ch 7: Documenting the detail of our story: The early days of and everyday life of F2A Ch 8: Retelling our story as a family of three: Preparing for panel Ch 9: Formalising our story: Applying for the Adoption Order and everyday life-in-between Ch 10: Our story can continue: Legally part of our family

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