Non-monogamy / Polyamorous Books

Book SynopsisA practical guide to nurturing healthy, loving non-monogamous relationships using attachment theory. Attachment theory has entered the mainstream, but most discussions focus on how we can cultivate secure monogamous relationships. What if, like many people, you’re striving for secure, happy attachments with more than one partner? Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual non-monogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Polysecure is both a trailblazing theoretical treatise and a practical guide. It provides non-monogamous people with a new set of tools to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships, and offers radical new concepts that are sure to influence the conversation about attachment theory.Trade Review‘Polysecure provides a roadmap for people who want to establish emotionally intimate and securely attached relationships with multiple partners. One of the most important insights is that secure attachment is a product of relationship experiences, rather than relationship structures.’ -- Dr Elisabeth Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door, Stories from the Polycule, When Someone You Love is Polyamorous, and Children in Polyamorous Families‘Secure attachment is absolutely central to successful polyamorous relationships, and insecure attachment is at the core of the jealousy and other challenges in open relationships of all kinds. This book can help poly people, as well as clinicians, get to the heart of their struggles and pain. It can help them to take concrete steps to become more comfortable with their non-monogamous relationships and trust their partner’s love and commitment. This is required reading for people in open relationships and should be used as a textbook for every therapist who works with people in polyamorous relationships.’ -- Kathy Labriola, counsellor, nurse, and author of The Polyamory Breakup Book‘Gives people a way to understand how they may be recreating old patterns by bringing their own childhood attachment styles into their adult relationships. More importantly, it offers concrete skills for how to use this knowledge to create healthier, more satisfying, and secure relationship dynamics.’ -- Max Rivers, author of Loving Conflict: how conflict is really your relationship trying to go deeper‘I whole-heartedly recommend this book to anyone interested in self-acceptance and self-mastery, as well as their own emotional wellbeing as they build loving, sustainable, healthy multiple relationships.’ -- Kitty Chambliss, relationship coach and author of Jealousy Survival Guide: how to feel safe, happy and secure in an open relationship‘Anyone even considering non-monogamy would benefit from reading Polysecure. Jessica Fern does an excellent job of not only explaining attachment theory and applying it to non-monogamy but also offering real steps readers can take and skills they can hone to help create the secure, satisfying relationships they want.’ -- JoEllen Notte, sex educator and author of The Monster Under the Bed: sex, depression, and the conversations we aren't having‘This is my favourite kind of book. Not only does it dissect the intricacies of interpersonal dynamics into fun charts and lists, but it also provides a helpful how-to for applying this information in your actual relationships, and to every aspect of your own life. I'm suggesting it to all my therapist friends immediately!’ -- Tikva Wolf, creator of Kimchi Cuddles and author of It’s OK, Feelings, I Got You and Love, Retold.‘Smart, readable, path-setting, and deeply caring. And practical. Jessica Fern presents abundant material that will inform poly-friendly therapists everywhere, and she offers six particular strategies that will help polyfolks and their beloveds to become more “polysecure” in their relationships.’ -- Lindsay Hayes, Polyamory in the News‘Polysecure is a must-read for polyamorous folks and for therapists with clients who are practicing consensual non-monogamy. However, I believe that its insights and messages could open doors for people who have, or are hoping to find, a single partner. We all carry unconscious beliefs about what love is and what it can be — and we can all benefit from asking ourselves if those beliefs really are leading us to the love we need.’ -- Jeremy Adam Smith, Greater Good Magazine‘An extremely helpful addition to the literature on consensual non-monogamy, and the first self-help book to focus on applying attachment theory to non-monogamous relationships. Taking the reader by the hand, Jessica Fern explains how perfectly secure attachment styles are rare, and how all of us can usefully work with our attachment issues, whatever our way of doing relationships. Weaving together research findings with therapeutic literature and personal experience, Fern does an excellent job of challenging the popular view that non-monogamous people are more likely than anyone else to struggle with attachment. She presents an extremely helpful model locating our relationship patterns within our wider culture and community as well as within our family background and relationship experiences. The notion of openly discussing whether we want an attachment-based partnership or not is worth the price of the book all by itself, as is the chapter on developing a secure attachment with yourself. This is gold!’ -- Dr Meg-John Barker, author of Rewriting the Rules: an anti self-help guide to love, sex and relationships

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Book SynopsisAs polyamory continues to make its way into the mainstream, more and more people are exploring consensual non-monogamy in the hope of experiencing more love, connection, sex, freedom, and support. While for many, the move expands personal horizons, for others, the transition can be challenging, leaving them blindsided and overwhelmed. Beyond the initial transition to non-monogamy, many struggle with the root issues beneath the symptoms of broken agreements, communication challenges, increased fighting, and persistent jealousy. Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley share the insights they have gained through thousands of hours working with clients in consensually non-monogamous relationships. Using a grounded theory approach, they explore the underlying challenges that non-monogamous individuals and partners can experience after their first steps, offering practical strategies for transforming them into opportunities for new levels of clarity and intimacy. Trade Review‘In her latest book, Jessica Fern has crafted the map to guide readers and lovers venturing into the uncharted. With great care and necessary nuance, Polywise is a must-read for anyone navigating open relationships.’ -- Esther Perel‘I often say there’s being polyamorous and then there’s being polyamorous well. I believe Polywise can equip you to do just that.’ -- Evita Sawyers, author of A Polyamory Devotional‘Most of us are content to “make polyamory work” and keep ourselves and our partners reasonably happy. Jessica Fern is taking us far beyond that to a much deeper level of understanding of our psyches and the underpinnings of our relationship dynamics. She and her co-conspirator David Cooley have bared their souls about the evolution of their own poly lives and relationships, as well as sharing countless illuminating stories about their clients’ struggles … Required reading and a must-have for your poly bookshelf!’ -- Kathy Labriola, author of The Polyamory Breakup Book‘An exceptional achievement that will be required reading for anyone practicing consensual non-monogamy, from seasoned veteran to timid newbie alike.’ -- Emily Sotelo Matlack, co-host of the Multiamory podcast and co-author of Multiamory: essential tools for modern relationships‘If you are ready to think more deeply about communication, codependency, conflict, and repair in your most important relationships, Polywise is required reading.’ -- Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, author of Love Every Day and host of Reimagining Love‘In Polywise, Jessica Fern and David Cooley help readers understand the often unseen root causes of symptoms and give them the strategies they need so their relationships can actually thrive.’ -- JoEllen Notte, author of The Monster Under the Bed: sex, depression, and the conversations we aren’t having and In It Together: navigating depression with partners, friends, and familyPraise for Polysecure: ‘A deeply compassionate book, Polysecure is a great read for both therapists who serve people in consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships and laypeople who are interested in what makes for secure attachments in such relationships. It offers an excellent summary of conventional attachment theory, critiques and re-interprets attachment theory for CNM relationships, and provides a roadmap for people in CNM relationships who want to establish emotionally intimate and securely attached relationships with multiple partners. One of the most important insights from Fern’s delightful book is that secure attachment is a product of relationship experiences rather than relationship.’ -- Dr Elisabeth Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door, Stories from the Polycule, When Someone You Love is Polyamorous, and Children in Polyamorous FamiliesPraise for Polysecure: ‘Polysecure is likely to become for people interested in polyamory, what Love Languages is for understanding romance. It gives people a way to understand how they may be recreating those old patterns by bringing their own childhood attachment styles into their adult relationships. And even more importantly, it offers concrete skills for how to use this knowledge to create healthier, more satisfying, and secure relationship dynamics.’ -- Max Rivers, intimacy coach and author of Loving Conflict: how conflict is really your relationship trying to go deeperPraise for Polysecure: ‘An extremely helpful addition to the literature on consensual non-monogamy, and the first self-help book to focus on applying attachment theory to non-monogamous relationships. Taking the reader by the hand, Jessica Fern explains how perfectly secure attachment styles are rare, and how all of us can usefully work with our attachment issues, whatever our way of doing relationships. Weaving together research findings with therapeutic literature and personal experience, Fern does an excellent job of challenging the popular view that non-monogamous people are more likely than anyone else to struggle with attachment. She presents an extremely helpful model locating our relationship patterns within our wider culture and community as well as within our family background and relationship experiences. The notion of openly discussing whether we want an attachment-based partnership or not is worth the price of the book all by itself, as is the chapter on developing a secure attachment with yourself. This is gold!’ -- Dr Meg-John Barker, author of Rewriting the Rules: an anti self-help guide to love, sex and relationships

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Book SynopsisThe Polysecure Workbook encourages examination of any attachment challenges you may have experienced in your opening up process and offers insights into how to build secure relationships. Through practical exercises, you will explore your own attachment history, examine your reasons for practicing nonmonogamy and the different styles of nonmonogamy that you relate to, and consider whether you rely on relationship structure for your attachment security. The Polysecure Workbook provides the tools needed to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships and to build personal security.

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Book SynopsisAn exploration of the search for meaning in nonmonogamous relationships. The love story we’re all familiar with ends with “ … and they lived happily ever after.” But how often do we hear a nonmonogamous love story with that ending? In all kinds of contexts, nonmonogamous happiness is erased. From the ubiquitous “friend who tried it once and it didn’t end well” to Dan Savage’s long-term jokes about never being invited to a polyamorous third wedding anniversary, we are repeatedly assured that nonmonogamy leads to misery. In “real” love, we are taught to expect the opposite: to expect happiness. When we want to ask if someone’s relationship is going well, we ask if they are “happy with” their partner. We might even ask whether their partner makes them happy. But what does love have to do with happiness? Doesn’t love have space to accommodate the full range of emotional experience? Carrie Jenkins thinks it does, or at least it can. She draws connections between the expectation that love will make us happy and the undue focus on positive emotions to the exclusion of “negative” ones. She argues that love—monogamous or otherwise—might better aim at being eudaimonic than at being happy, and that we have a better chance of achieving this if we are able to make relationship choices free from the prejudices and distortions that lead to an unduly rosy view of monogamy and an unduly miserable picture of the alternatives.Trade ReviewIn Nonmonogamy and Happiness, Carrie Jenkins writes about love in a way that is both extraordinarily sophisticated and as intimate as a conversation with an old friend. Her writing never fails to make me feel like a smarter, calmer, more generous person—both in and out of love." —Mandy Len Catron, author of How to Fall in Love with Anyone: A Memoir in EssaysTable of ContentsAcknowledgements Introduction What’s the Point? Manifesting Ideology Who’s Afraid of the “Negative” Emotions? A Series of Fascinating Transitions Notes

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Book SynopsisA true story of submission, dominance, bondage and fabulous sex.

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Book Synopsis

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Book SynopsisEducators are often overworked, underpaid and at the crosshairs of every cultural debate. Teachers dedicate themselves to creating safe, nurturing environments for students, but are themselves subjected to levels of personal scrutiny practically unseen in other professions. In some careers, keeping a picture of your loved ones on your desk isn't worth a second thought. For teachers with nontraditional families, it can come with the risk of becoming a political football.Informed by her firsthand experience as a nonmonogamous educator, Ashley Speed examines the typical objections raised about nonmonogamous people teaching children, how to refute them and how to navigate some of the difficulties of being a nonmonogamous teacher in today's stormy political waters. It also offers practical advice for administrators and parents who want to support nonmonogamous teachers, and tips for teachers on how to make their classrooms friendly for kids from nonmonogamous families.

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