Description
Book SynopsisImprove your personal and professional relationships instantly with this timeless guide to communication, listening skills, body language, and conflict resolution.Maybe a wall of silent resentment has shut you off from someone you love. Maybe you listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other. Or maybe your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you.
People Skills is a communication skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these ?roadblocks? damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations.
People Skills will show you:
-How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques
-How body language often speaks louder than words
-How to use silence as a valuable communication tool
-How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers'' quarrels, and other heated arguments
Both thought-provoking and practical,
People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day.
Table of ContentsContentsPreface
PART ONE
Introduction
CHAPTER ONE
Skills for Bridging the Interpersonal GapCommunication: Humanity's Supreme Achievement
The Ineffectiveness of Most Communication
The Ache of Loneliness
So Much Lost Love
A Key to Success at Work
A Life-or-Death Matter
You Can Change
You Will Change!
Managing Your Resistance to Learning
Five Sets of Skills
SummaryCHAPTER TWO
Barriers to CommunicationCommon Communication Spoilers
Why Roadblocks Are High-Risk Responses
Judging: the Major Roadblock
Roadblock
Sending Solutions Can Be a Problem!
Avoiding the Other's Concerns
Roadblock Number Thirteen
SummaryPART TWO
Listening Skills
CHAPTER THREE
Listening Is More Than Merely HearingThe Importance of Listening
Listening Defined
Listening Skill Clusters
Attending Skills
Following Skills
SummaryCHAPTER FOUR
Four Skills of Reflective ListeningReflective Responses Provide a Mirror to the Speaker
Paraphrasing
Reflecting Feelings
Reflecting Meanings
SummaryCHAPTER FIVE
Why Reflective Responses WorkStyle and Structure in Listening
Six Peculiarities of Human Communication
Skepticism Is Best Dissolved by Action
SummaryCHAPTER SIX
Reading Body languageThe Importance of Body Language
Nonverbals: The Language of Feelings
The "Leakage" of Masked Feelings
Guidelines for Reading Body Language
Reflect the Feelings Back to the Sender
A Clear But Confusing Language
SummaryCHAPTER SEVEN
Improving Your Reflecting SkillsGuidelines for Improved Listening
Beyond Reflective Listening
When to Listen Reflectively
When Not to Listen Reflectively
The Good News and the Bad News
SummaryPART THREE
Assertion Skills
CHAPTER EIGHT
Three Approaches to RelationshipsListening and Assertion: The Yin and Yang of Communication
Methods for Developing Assertiveness
The Need to Protect One's Personal Space
Impacting
The Submission-Assertion-Aggression Continuum
Payoffs and Penalties of Three Ways of Relating
Choose for Yourself
SummaryCHAPTER NINE
Developing Three-Part Assertion MessagesVerbal Assertion: The Third Option
Three-Part Assertion Messages
Effective and Ineffective Ways of Confrontation
Writing Three-Part Assertion Messages
A Voyage of Self-Discovery and Growth
SummaryCHAPTER TEN
Handling the Push-Push Back PhenomenonSurprise Attack
The Human Tendency to Be Defensive
The Upward Spiral of Increasing Defensiveness
A Six-Step Assertion Process
SummaryCHAPTER ELEVEN
Increasing Your Assertive OptionsMany Varieties of Assertive Behavior
"Natural" Assertions
Self-Disclosure
Descriptive Recognition
Relationship Assertions
Selective Inattention
Withdrawal
The Spectrum Response
Options
Natural and Logical Consequences
Stop the Action; Accept the Feelings
Say "No!,"
Modify the Environment
The Danger of Going Overboard
The Aura of Assertiveness
SummaryPART FOUR
Conflict Management Skills
CHAPTER TWELVE
Conflict Prevention and ControlConflict Is Unavoidable
Conflict Is Disruptive and/or Destructive
The Benefits of Conflict
Realistic and Nonrealistic Conflict
Personal Conflict Prevention and Control Methods
Group/Organizational Prevention and Control Methods
The Dangers of Conflict Prevention and Control
SummaryCHAPTER THIRTEEN
Handling the Emotional Components of ConflictFocus on the Emotions First
The Conflict Resolution Method
The Conflict Resolution Method in Action
Four Ways to Use the Conflict Resolution Method
Preparation for the Encounter
Evaluating the Conflict
Expected Outcomes of the Conflict Resolution Method
SummaryCHAPTER FOURTEEN
Collaborative Problem Solving: Seeking an Elegant SolutionThree Kinds of Conflict
Alternatives to Collaborative Problem Solving
Seeking an Elegant Solution Through Collaborative Problem Solving
Six Steps of the Collaborative Problem-Solving Method
What This Problem-Solving Method Communicates
Collaborative Problem-Solving in Action
Handling the Crucial Preliminaries
What Do I Do When Collaborative Problem Solving Doesn't Work?
Applications of Collaborative Problem Solving
SummaryCHAPTER FIFTEEN
Three Essentials for Effective CommunicationIn Communication, Skills Alone Are Insufficient
Genuineness
Non-possessive Love
Empathy
Implementation of the Core AttitudesAFTERWORD
Four Steps to Improved CommunicationA Quantified Commitment to Use the Skills
Select Appropriate Situations
Undaunted by Occasional Failure
Prepare Others for the Change
Skill TrainingNotes
Index
