Description
Book SynopsisThis book seeks to imagine the possibility of a more loving masculinity in a society where structural violence, failures of government and economic inequality underpin much of the violent behaviour that men display. Enriched with personal reflections on his own experiences as a partner, father, psychologist and researcher in the field of men and masculinities, Why Men Hurt Women and Other Reflections on Love, Violence and Masculinity is Kopano Ratele’s meditation on love and violence, and the way these forces shape the emotional lives of boys and men.
Blending academic substance and rigour in a readable narrative style, Ratele illuminates the complex nuances of gender, intimacy and power in the context of the human need for love and care. While unsparing in its analysis of men’s inner lives, Ratele lays out a path for addressing the hunger for love in boys and men. He argues that just as the beliefs and practices relating to gender, sexuality and the nature of love are constantly being challenged and revised, so our ideas about masculinity, and men’s and boys’ capacity to show genuine loving care for each other and for women, can evolve.
Table of Contents
- Foreword by Raewyn Connell
- Part 1: Love
- 1 Why do women love men?
- 2 One ear turned inward and the other outward
- 3 Love needs
- 4 We can change how we love, but not without changing how we fight
- 5 Love hunger shows itself in many acts, and violence may be one of them
- 6 Why there is no love in the Plan
- 7 I love you, but I wish to hurt you
- 8 To love is to receive and to give
- 9 Talking matters
- 10 Listening carefully is an articulate act of love in action
- 11 Must love hurt?
- 12 The world is not yet ready for loving black boys
- 13 Producing and embodying the loving images we want of ourselves
- 14 If women stopped caring for men
- Part 2: Violence
- 15 ‘I am more scared of them’
- 16 Men who speak with fists
- 17 Violence wears many faces
- 18 ‘Brothers, check yourselves!’
- 19 ‘I have never raped anyone’ is not an achievement
- 20 Why is there violence where we expect to find love?
- 21 Really nice guys
- 22 ‘There was nothing suspicious about him’
- 23 They don’t teach about sexual consent at university or at home
- 24 Jeanne and Emmanuel
- 25 Is the lesbian an alibi for an untenable model of masculinity?
- 26 Will we reduce rates of rape of women and children when we cannot face prison rape?
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- Part 3: Masculinity
- 27 Trying to transform men is not a futile exercise, but it is slow and difficult work
- 28 A few key ideas to consider when thinking about men and changing masculinity
- 29 The politician told students you can’t ask for money from somebody who raped you
- 30 ‘Dad, look at me’
- 31 ‘I have never hit a woman’ gets you no loving man award
- 32 Before death, before conception, in the many in-between moments, then repeat
- 33 Baldwin was a full man
- 34 The masculinity of a man who is a boy
- 35 Mr President, end patriarchy?
- 36 When work gets in the way of emotional connections
- 37 Love cannot escape power
- 38 What’s up with all this attention given to boys?
- 39 The fact of lovelessness in why men hurt others
- 40 Inheriting and passing down a loving masculinity
- Acknowledgements
- Index
