Search results for ""author bruno vincent""

'He's a total rock 'n' roller. There's a bit of Mario in all of us - well, maybe not Gary Neville - but the rest of us most definitely.' Noel GallagherHe may be football's latest superstar, but Mario Balotelli is just as famous off the pitch for his eccentricity and extraordinary antics. From the time he let off fireworks in his bathroom to the notorious bib incident, he's rarely out of the news. But in his secret diary*, as we follow Mario through one turbulent football season and the trail of mayhem he leaves in his wake, we discover that the headlines only tell half the story. Whether he's hiding Silvio Berlusconi in his basement, patrolling the streets of Manchester as a caped crusader or trying to be the first Premiership footballer to go to the moon, the truth is stranger, and much funnier, than we could have expected.*not the actual diary of Mario Balotelli

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthoodBringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to show Uncle Quentin what a jolly good chap he is.Join Julian, George, Dick, Anne and Timmy the dog as they celebrate Father's Day by taking Uncle Quentin to the local garden centre to chose a new garden shed in which to conduct his experiments. But what promised to be a relaxed outing turns into a nightmare when Quentin disappears into thin air. He surely cannot have gone far . . .

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: is it possible to get a good gluten-free cream tea?Julian, Anne, Dick, George and Timmy are all feeling really rather rum, and it's been going on for days. Nothing seems to work, and with their doctors mystified, they're driven to trying out various expedients to cure themselves. Julian goes online to self-diagnose that he's got pancreatic cancer, bird flu and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Anne decides that the old methods are the best and decides to have herself exorcised - which proves to be an awful lot of bother for everyone, and such a mess. Dick goes to a witch-doctor who calls himself a 'homeopath' ('sounds only one short of sociopath, Dick!') but it's George who discovers they need to go on an exclusion diet, so they enter a world of hard-to-find, maddeningly expensive specialist foods . . .Just perfect for anyone who likes Deliciously Ella, Amelia Freer and the Naturalista - as well as any reluctant partners who are begrudgingly spiralising courgettes for dinner.

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: give up the booze.Give up alcohol you say? Why, of course they can! Talk about an easy challenge! Five old friends set about this simple task and find all of a sudden that: the days are longer; they get to see each other for who they really are; the empty laughter of ordinary conversation is so much harder to fake. Yes, they're saving money and losing weight, but the world itself seems to take on a slow, dreary inevitability. Soon they begin to snap at each other, and then fight - until they begin to wonder, have the Five at last found the challenge that will defeat them?The perfect gift for anyone who has woken up and promised themselves that they will never drink again. Or at least until next weekend.

Read more less

'What operating system does your PC run on?' 'Electricity,' said Gran.From the author of November 2016 Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups!The Five go north to see their grandmother who is alone over the Easter weekend. They're shocked to find it's been so long that they don't recognise her at all. While they're there, they try to help her with her computer. They try first to fix her iTunes account, and then her internet banking - after all it's the least they can do! However everything they touch turns to dust. They end up getting her cut off from the internet, the gas and the electricity, and reduced to a World War II-style privations - that is until the toddler from next door comes in and fixes everything. They return home somewhat with their tails between their legs, only to discover that with their help Gran has learned to make videos, and has become an internet sensation.

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to show Aunt Fanny how much she means to them.Join Julian, George, Dick, Anne and Timmy the dog as they try to celebrate Mother's Day with Aunt Fanny. George has past form in forgetting - not least her mum's birthday and Christmas presents - so tensions are running high even for the charged normality of their mother/daughter bond.But things go from bad to worse when Fanny comes to stay, with relations strained almost to breaking point. Can the Five save the day, and will Uncle Quentin get involved?

Read more less

] A howl drifted up from nearby woodland and everyone shifted closer together. 'How about a ghost story,' suggested George.From the author of November 2016 Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups!It's a dark winter's night and the Five are scaring themselves witless recounting tales that would terrify the bravest of souls. From encounters with American werewolves and being lost in space, to ghostly graveyard apparitions, it is hardly surprising that there is a sleepless night ahead of the intrepid crew. Even grumpy old Uncle Quentin and kind Aunt Fanny cannot be relied upon to be entirely themselves . . .

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, can George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy survive the ultimate test of their friendship: Brexit?It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.)The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature... Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain...that is, until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat.Perfect for anyone sick of hearing that 'Brexit means Brexit', or for that relative you're still not talking to because of how they voted...

Read more less

'Ah! This is the dream!' says Julian one morning. 'With good old British common sense and community spirit like this, there's no reason that we couldn't exist on the island like this for the rest of our days!'What could possibly go wrong . . .?Anne has gathered Julian, Dick, George and, of course, Timmy, together for a last nostalgic jaunt in the countryside together before grown-up responsibilities take the four cousins off in different directions. It's only natural that they find their way onto Kirrin Island for a look around, as this might be the last time they're here together as a group. They are planning just to spend the night there and come home the next day, perhaps with a little exploring in the dungeon for old time's sake. But that night they hear the country has gone into lockdown. They are not allowed to leave. With their usual resourcefulness, they are determined to make the best of it, and remain cheerful and healthy. As Anne keeps saying: They're lucky, really, to have all this countryside and fresh air at their disposal!

Read more less

In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, it's Christmas at Baker Street, and Holmes is obsessed his most fiendish of unsolved cases: someone is murdering Santas across London!As Holmes and Watson struggle through the Christmas-shopping crowds, they must catch this most dastardly and un-Christmassy of villains, while sneakily trying to purchase each other's Christmas presents (they are in the world's least-secret Secret Santa, after all).Meanwhile, with the museums of London refusing to return cultural artefacts to their countries of origin, someone is taking matters into their own hands, and stealing back what was stolen. Are the cases connected, and could an ancient air fryer of demonic power hold the key to the mystery of the murdered Santas? And more importantly, can you prepare a whole Christmas dinner in an air fryer*?*Whether you can or not, Dr Watson's going to give it a jolly good try. Ho Ho Holmes!

Read more less

'All I had ever wanted was privacy. In order to get it, it seemed that an exceptionally detailed 500,000-word book was in order...' He was born into an ancient powerful dynasty and, through no fault of his own, became one of the most recognisable men on the planet.His life was a constant barrage of press intrusion and manipulation. Until finally, he demanded that it stop. In order to get the privacy he so craved, he has written a frostbite-and-all book that goes deep inside the castle walls and exposes every shouting match, fist-fight, betrayal, teddy bear, awkward hug and tear-stained wedding rehearsal for the world to feast their eyes on. All for privacy!This is his story.

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: what exactly is this puzzling scrape referred to as a 'strategy away day'?The Five have gone on their greatest adventure yet - to become an even better team! They are booked into an exciting hotel right next to the jolly motorway services, where the nice (if somewhat nervous and sweating and depressed) man teaches them a number of exercises that will make them work better. But wait! Who's been sneaking messages through the hotel dumb waiter about secret assignations? Is there a smuggler's plot afoot? Or is Shelly from Production shagging Postroom Luke? All will be revealed . . .Ideal for those who are allergic to corporate jargon and will throw a sickie before having to play a trust game with colleagues.

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthoodBringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?

Read more less

In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, Holmes and Watson return to the site of their most famous case and discover someone is hounding the Baskervilles!Sherlock Holmes needs a holiday, so Dr Watson has taken him to Dartmoor, where they find a very changed Baskerville Hall. The gaunt, gothic mansion has gone: it's now an eco-friendly, zero-waste yoga retreat.But trouble is (cold-)brewing beneath the solar panels. Someone is stirring up hate against the supposedly woke agenda at Baskerville and is sending anonymous death threats, in the form of a gun's trigger and the word BEWARE'! Even worse, there are reports that the slathering hell-hound on the moor has returned!Can Holmes and Watson negotiate the heightened emotions between different social media tribes, without getting themselves permanently cancelled or even murdered*?*I mean looking at their track record, yes' is probably the answer, but it will be fun finding out!

Read more less

In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, Sherlock Holmes is feeling like an analogue detective in a digital world!The world's richest and most obnoxious Tech Bro (freshly decamped to the English countryside) has invited Sherlock Holmes to visit and vanished before Holmes gets there! Did he intend for the Great Detective to investigate his disappearance?Dr Watson is alarmed that Sherlock Holmes is growing forgetful. He can hardly remember why he came into a room, and keeps misplacing things. Is he finally losing his memory? Or is all a ruse, to engage a villain who may or may not be a piece of malevolent AI? And while we're talking about things being de-crypted, could Holmes's supposedly deceased adversary Moriarty be behind it all? Only Sherlock Holmes can save the day and of course Watson, if he can recall where he wrote down his damned list of passwords*!*They've got to be somewhere

Read more less

'Escape first, talk about politics later!' said George.From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups!It's a year after the Brexit vote. The four housemates and Timmy are on a visit to see their evil genius cousin Rupert. Rupert owns a chunk of the Jurassic Coast, part of which he has turned into an island and declared independence from Britain. Its fifteenth-century Dorset castle is a tourist attraction, but a computer hack puts the ancient fortifications into lockdown and plunges the Five into peril. Can our intrepid friends escape to the safety of mainland Europe?

Read more less

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: is it possible to get a good gluten-free cream tea?Julian, Anne, Dick, George and Timmy are all feeling really rather rum, and it's been going on for days. Nothing seems to work, and with their doctors mystified, they're driven to trying out various expedients to cure themselves. Julian goes online to self-diagnose that he's got pancreatic cancer, bird flu and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Anne decides that the old methods are the best and decides to have herself exorcised - which proves to be an awful lot of bother for everyone, and such a mess. Dick goes to a witch-doctor who calls himself a 'homeopath' ('sounds only one short of sociopath, Dick!') but it's George who discovers they need to go on an exclusion diet, so they enter a world of hard-to-find, maddeningly expensive specialist foods . . .Just perfect for anyone who likes Deliciously Ella, Amelia Freer and the Naturalista - as well as any reluctant partners who are begrudgingly spiralising courgettes for dinner.

Read more less

Welcome to the world of Fairy Tales, Millennial style...Inside you'll find Sleeping Beauty waking up Woke, the Nanny Goats Gruff getting trolled, and three little pigs explaining that - realistically - a house of straw is really the only way a first time buyer can get on the property ladder.Goldilocks discovers a darling little Porridge pop-up, the Pied Piper shifts his content strategy to attract more followers, and Hansel and Gretel meet a witch with a disruptive approach to clean eating.

Read more less

How easy is it to fall off a log? Where is the middle of nowhere? Do we really have no bananas? The readers of OLD GIT magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication's popular letters page. DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact. A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.

Read more less

The letters page of Old Git magazine continues to offer its readers an opportunity to ask and provide answers to the most pressing questions of our times. Questions such as:Would it help global warming if I left my fridge door open?What's the riskiest game of risk ever played? If I fell down a disused mineshaft would Lassie really run and get help, or just sit there licking his balls?Do Bats Have Bollocks? features a host of completely new and untrue questions and answers. With bags more rude jokes, shaggy dog stories and the odd entry from a new, bewildered editor who's wondering what the hell he's got himself into, this book is every bit as laugh-out-loud funny as last year's hugely successful volume Do Ants Have Arseholes?

Read more less