Search results for ""author jeremy clarkson""

Welcome back to Clarkson's Farm.So, that went well The spring barley crop failed. Just like the oil seed rape. And the durum wheat. Then the oats turned the colour of a hearing aid and the mushrooms went mouldy. Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative. Jeremy would be better off trying to breed ostriches.But in the face of uncooperative weather, the relentless realities of the agricultural economy, bureaucracy, a truculent local planning department and the world's persistent refusal to recognise his ingenuity and genius, our hero's not beaten yet. Not while the farm shop's still doing a roaring trade in candles that smell like his knacker hammock, he isn't.On the face of it, the challenges of making a success of Diddly Squat are enough to have you weeping into your (Hawkstone) beer, but misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy knows he's got the best.

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THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLERHead back down to Clarkson Farm with the bestseller from our favourite welly-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson___________Enthusiastic trainee farmer Jeremy Clarkson made just £144 in his first year at Diddly Squat Farm. This year he's determined to do better. Not because he now knows what he's doing. But because he's fed up of getting stick from Kaleb.Yet farming continues to be a challenge.For instance . . .· Loading a grain trailer was more demanding than flying an Apache gunship?· Cows were more dangerous than motor-racing?· It's easier to get planning permission to build a nuclear plant than to turn a barn into a restaurant?Jeremy's always got a plan. Loads of them. Often cunning.Not always greeted with wild enthusiasm by Kaleb and Cheerful Charlie, however . . .___________PRAISE FOR DIDDLY SQUAT'Clarkson has done more for farmers in one series than Countryfile achieved in 30 years' James Rebanks, author of A Shepherd's Life'Clarkson has showcased the passion, humour and personalities of the people who work throughout the year to grow the nation's food . . . and brought an understanding of many of the issues faced by farmers to the British public' National Farmers Union'A deserving Farming Champion of the Year' Farmers Weekly'I don't know anything about farming. It's like David Attenborough doing jet-skiing, or Nicholas Witchell saying, "I'm going to be a cage fighter'" Jeremy ClarksonNumber 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2022

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Clarkson is back with a brand new book of hilarious stories and observations about our gone-wrong world.___________In November 2016 we woke up to the news that the forthright presenter of a popular television programme had become the most powerful man on the planet. His name, sadly, was not Jeremy Clarkson, but we might not have been any more surprised if it had been.Because the world seems to have taken a decidedly odd turn since Jeremy last reflected on the state of things between the covers of a book. But who better than JC to help us navigate our way through the mess?And while he's being trying to make sense of it all he's discovered one or two things along the way, including- The disabling effects of being vegan- How Blackpool might be improved by drilling a hole through it- The problem with meditation- A perfect location for rebuilding Palmyra- Why Tom Cruise can worship lizards if he wants toIt's all been a bit unsettling.But don't worry. If You'd Just Let Me Finish is Clarkson at his best. He may be as bemused, exasperated, amused and surprised as the rest of us, but in a world gone crazy, thank God someone has still got his head screwed on . . .Praise for Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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The fifth volume in the mega-bestselling World According to Clarkson series.Well, someone's got to do it: in a world which simply will not see reason, Jeremy sets off on another quest to beat a path of sense through all the silliness and idiocy. And there's no knowing what might catch Jeremy's eye along the way. It could be:-The merits of Stonehenge as a business model-Why all meetings are a waste of time-The theft of the Queen's cows-One Norwegian man's unique approach to showing his gratitude-Fitting a burglar alarm to a tortoise-Or how Lou Reed was completely wrong about what makes a perfect dayPithy and provocative, this is Clarkson at his best, taking issue with whatever nonsense gets in the way of his search for all that's worth celebrating. Why should we be forced to accept stuff that's a bit rubbish? Shouldn't things work? Why doesn't someone care? I mean, is it really too much to ask?It's a good thing we've still got Jeremy out there, still looking, without fear or favour, for the answers.

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The Top Gear Years brings together Jeremy Clarkson's collected magazine columns for the first time.Clarkson at his pithy, provocative, hilarious bestWe now know all about the world according to Clarkson. In a series of bestselling books Jeremy has revealed it to be a puzzling, frustrating place where all too often the lunatics seem to be running the asylum. But in The Top Gear Years, we get something rather different. Because ten years ago, at an ex-RAF aerodrome in Surrey, Jeremy and his friends built a world that was rather more to his liking: they called it Top Gear HQ. And Top Gear is for Jeremy what the jungle is for Tarzan: the perfect place to work and play. But they didn't stop there . . . With this corner of Surrey sorted out, Jeremy and the boys decided to have a crack at the rest of the world. With Top Gear Live charging through with the subtlety of a touring heavy rock band and far flung outposts across the globe from North America to China - an empire of petrol-headed upon which the sun never set. And all along Jeremy was writing about it in Top Gear magazine. Here, collected for the first time, are the fruits of his labours: the cars, the hijinx, the pleasure and the pain. Brilliantly written and laugh out loud funny.The Top Gear Years follows Jeremy Clarkson's many bestselling titles including Round the Bend and The World according to Clarkson series. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Jeremy Clarkson is very funny and his well-honed political incorrectness is a joy. .' - Daily TelegraphJeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life. Today he is the tallest person working in British television.

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Jeremy Clarkson is once more Driven to Distraction.Brace yourself. Clarkson's back.And he'd like to tell you what he thinks about some of the most awe-inspiring, earth-shatteringly fast and jaw-droppingly cool cars in the world (oh, and a few irredeemable disasters...).Or he would if he could just get one or two things off his chest first. Matters such as: * The prospect of having Terry Wogan as president* Why you'll never see a woman driving a Lexus * The unforeseen consequences of inadequate birth control * Why everyone should spend a weekend with a diggerDriven to Distraction is Jeremy Clarkson at full throttle. So buckle up, sit tight and enjoy the ride. You're in for a hell of a lot of laughs. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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Jeremy Clarkson gets under the bonnet in Clarkson on Cars - a collection of his motoring journalism.Jeremy Clarkson has been driving cars, writing about them and occasionally voicing his opinions on the BBC's Top Gear for twenty years.No one in the business is taller.In this collection of classic Clarkson, stretching back to the mid-1980s, he's pulled together the car columns and stories with which he made his name. As coal mines closed and house prices exploded to a soundtrack of men in make-up playing synthesizers, Jeremy was already waxing lyrical on topics as useful and diverse as:* The perils of bicycle ownership * Why Australians - not Brits - need bull bars* Why soon only geriatrics will be driving BMWs* The difficultly of deciding on the best car for your wedding * Why Jesus's dad would have owned a Nissan Bluebird * And why it is that bus lanes cause traffic jamsIrreverent, damn funny and offensive to almost everyone, this is writing with its foot to the floor, the brake lines cut and the speed limit smashed to smithereens. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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Welcome back to Clarkson's Farm.So, that went well ...The spring barley crop failed. Just like the oil seed rape. And the durum wheat. Then the oats turned the colour of a hearing aid and the mushrooms went mouldy. Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative. Jeremy would be better off trying to breed ostriches.But in the face of uncooperative weather, the relentless realities of the agricultural economy, bureaucracy, a truculent local planning department and the world's persistent refusal to recognise his ingenuity and genius, our hero's not beaten yet. Not while the farm shop's still doing a roaring trade in candles that smell like his knacker hammock, he isn't.On the face of it, the challenges of making a success of Diddly Squat are enough to have you weeping into your (Hawkstone) beer, but misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy knows he's got the be

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The hilarious new collection of stories and observations from Jeremy Clarkson - setting our off-kilter world to rights with thigh-slapping wit once again.Who is that tractor-driving Gentleman Farmer? Has Jeremy turned into a horny-handed son of the soil?These and other perplexing questions may or may not be answered in the latest volume of Clarkson's utterly unbiased musings on life, the universe and everything in between (except cars - this isn't one of his four-wheel drive books).Inside you'll also discover why:· Bathing in crude oil isn't for everyone · People who go fishing hate their kids· Noise-cancelling headphones will never silence James May· The rambler who stole his marrow is in for itFull of fact-checked opinions and ideas so good they're no longer following the science but chasing it up a tree, Can You Make This Thing Go Faster? is one hundred per cent guaranteed Clarkson . . . Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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Born to be Riled is a collection of hilarious vintage journalism from Jeremy Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson, it has to said, sometimes finds the world a maddening place. And nowhere more so than from behind the wheel of a car, where you can see any number of people acting like lunatics while in control (or not) of a ton of metal.In this collection of classic columns, first published in 1999, Jeremy takes a look at the world through his windscreen, shakes his head at what he sees - and then puts the boot in. Among other things, he explains:* Why Surrey is worse than Wales* How crossing your legs in America can lead to arrest* The reason cable TV salesmen must be punched * That divorce can be blamed on the birth of JesusRaving politicians, pointless celebrities, ridiculous 'personalities' and the Germans all get it in the neck, together with the stupid, the daft and the ludicrous, in a tour de force of comic writing guaranteed to have Jeremy's postman wheezing under sackfuls of letters from the easily offended. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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Everyone knows that Jeremy Clarkson finds the world a perplexing place - after all, he wrote a bestselling book about it. Yet despite the appearance of The World According To Clarkson, things don't seem to have improved much. However, Jeremy is not someone to give up easily and he's decided to have another go. In And Another Thing, our exasperated hero discovers that: He inadvertently dropped a bomb on North CarolinaWe're all going to explode at the age of 62Russians look bad in Speedos. But not as bad as we do.No one should have to worry about being Bill Oddie's long lost sisterHe should probably be nicer about David BeckhamThigh-slappingly funny and - as ever - in your face, Jeremy Clarkson bursts the pointless little bubbles of the idiots while celebrating the special, the unique and the sheer bloody brilliant ...

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Jeremy Clarkson gets really riled in Round the Bend.What's it like to drive a car that's actively trying to kill you?This and many other burning questions trouble Jeremy Clarkson as he sets out to explore the world from the safety of four wheels. Avoiding the legions of power-crazed traffic wombles attempting to block highway and byway, he he:* Shows how the world of performance cars may be likened to Battersea Dogs Home* Reveals why St Moritz may be the most bonkers town in all of the world* Reminds us that Switzerland is so afraid of snow that any flakes falling on the road are immediately arrested* Argues that washing a car is a waste of timeFunny, globe-trotting, irreverent and sometimes downright rude, Round the Bend is packed with curious and fascinating but otherwise hopelessly useless stories and facts about everything under the sun (and just occasionally cars). It's Jeremy Clarkson at his brilliant best.Praise for Jeremy Clarkson'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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Pull on your wellies, grab your flat cap and join Jeremy Clarkson in this hilarious and fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the infamous Diddly Squat FarmTHE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out_________Welcome to Clarkson's farm.It's always had a nice ring to it. Jeremy just never thought that one day his actual job would be 'a farmer'.And, sadly, it doesn't mean he's any good at it.From buying the wrong tractor (Lamborghini, since you ask . . .) to formation combine harvesting, getting tied-up in knots of red tape to chasing viciously athletic cows, our hero soon learns that enthusiasm alone might not be enough.Jeremy may never succeed in becoming master of his land, but, as he's discovering, the fun lies in the trying . . ._________'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening StandardPraise for Clarkson's Farm:'The best thing Clarkson's done . . . it pains me to say this' GUARDIAN'Shockingly hopeful' INDEPENDENT'Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here' TELEGRAPH'Quite lovely' THE TIMESDiddly Squat, Number 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2022

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What Could Possibly Go Wrong... is the eighth book in Jeremy Clarkson's bestselling Clarkson on Cars series.There's nothing quite like messing about on four wheels. In fact, there's no better way to contemplate the madness of the world than from the driver's seat of something which is zooming by very fast indeed. Or so Jeremy Clarkson believes. For he's been pondering some really rather important matters, such as why:- God has a streak of German perfectionism- Crab spread beats Heston Blumenthal's rhubarb mousse- Monaco's billionaires are ruining the Grand Prix- The back of a dog tastes nicer than marzipanSomeone's got to. And while a full tank and the open road might not quite reveal the meaning of life, there's certainly some fun to be had along the way . . . 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

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Get tucked in to a third bestselling helping of Clarkson's Farm from our favourite wellie-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy ClarksonWelcome back to Clarkson's Farm. Since taking the wheel three years ago Jeremy's had his work cut out. And it's now clear from hard-won experience that, when it comes to farming, there's only one golden rule:Whatever you hope will happen, won't.Enthusiastic schemes to diversify have met with stubborn opposition from the red trouser brigade, defeat at the hands of Council Planning department, and predictable derision from Kaleb - although, to be fair, even Lisa had doubts about Jeremy's brilliant plan to build a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup. And only Cheerful Charlie is still smiling about the stifling amount of red tape that's incoming . . . But he charges by the hour.Then there are the animals: the sheep are gone; the cows have been joined by a rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro;. the pigs are making piglets; and the goats have turned out to be psychopaths.But despite the naysayers and (sometimes self-inflicted) setbacks, Jeremy remains irrepressibly optimistic about life at Diddly Squat. Because It's hard not to be when you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner.And, after all, it shouldn't just be Break-heart Maestro who gets to enjoy a happy ending . . .Diddly Squat, Number 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2022

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Volume 4 in the bestselling World According to Clarkson seriesJeremy Clarkson had a dream. A world where the nonsensical made sense, the idiotic was abolished and the sheer bloody brilliant was embraced. In How Hard Can It Be? our hero embarks on a quest to set the world to rights. Again. En-route he discovers how rhubarb will become the new crack, that a comb over will end anyone's quest for global domination and what unites a Filipino chambermaid in Abergavenny with Prince Andrew.For anyone who's ever woken up and thought the time has come to stop the nonsense and celebrate the sensational, read on. Because seriously, how hard can it be?Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. He now writes for the Sun and the Sunday Times and is the tallest person working in British television.

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Jeremy Clarkson invites us to Motorworld, his take on different cultures and the cars that they drive.There are ways and means of getting about that don't involve four wheels, but in this slice of vintage Clarkson, Jeremy isn't much interested in them.Back in 1996, he took himself off to twelve countries (okay, eleven - he goes to America twice) in search of the hows, whys and wherefores of different nationalities and their relationships with cars. There were a few questions he needed answers to:* Why, for instance, is it that Italians are more interested in looking good than looking where they are going?* Why do Indians crash a lot?* How can an Arab describe himself as 'not a rich man' with four of the world's most expensive cars in his drive? * And why have the otherwise neutral Swiss declared war on the car?From Cuba to Iceland, Australia to Vietnam, Japan to Texas, Jeremy Clarkson tells us of his adventures on and off four wheels as he seeks to discover just what it is that makes our motorworld tick over. _____________Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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JEREMY CLARKSON'S LATEST - AND MOST OUTRAGEOUS - TAKE ON THE WORLDCLARKSON'S BACK - AND THIS TIME HE'S PUTTING HIS FOOT DOWNFrom his first job as a travelling sales rep selling Paddington Bears to his latest wheeze as a gentleman farmer, Jeremy Clarkson's love of cars has just about kept him out of trouble.But in a persistently infuriating world, sometimes you have to race full-throttle at the speed-bumps.Because there's still plenty to get cross about, including:· Why nothing good ever came out of a meeting· Muesli's unmentionable side effects · Navigating London when every single road is being dug up at once· People who read online reviews of dishwashers· ****ing driverless carsBuckle up for a bumpy ride - you're holding the only book in history to require seatbelts . . .Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: Brilliant . . . Laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . Will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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Crikey, the world according to Clarkson's been a funny old place of late . . .For a while, Jeremy could be found in his normal position as the tallest man on British television but, more recently, he appears to have been usurped by a pretend elephant.But on paper the real Jeremy remains at the helm. That's as it should be. For nearly thirty years he has been fearlessly leading the charge as one the best comic writers in the country. And in 2015, he shows no sign of slowing down. So, whether it's pondering: If Jesus might have been better off being born in New Zealand Why reflexive pronoun abuse is the worst thing in the world How Pam Ayres's head trumps Gordon Gecko's underpants Or what a television presenter with time on his hands gets up toJeremy is still trying to make sense of all the big stuff.Circumstances change. Nothing's forever. But As I Was Saying provides glorious proof that Jeremy remains as funny, puzzled, excitable, outspoken, insightful and thought-provoking as ever. As if you ever doubted it . . .***Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant... laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny... will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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The publication of The World According to Clarkson in 2004 launched a multi-million-copy bestselling phenomenon. But to no avail. Jeremy's one-man war on crimes against common sense has not yet been won. And our hero's still scratching his head at the madness of it all. But it's not all bad. He's learned a little along the way, including: Why binge drinking is good for you The worst word in the English language The remarkable secret of eternal youth The pleasure and pain of middle-aged drumming The problem with America And how to dispose of a seal For anyone who's ever been driven to wonder just what is the matter with people these days, For Crying Out Loud is the perfect riposte. Surprising, fearless and always laugh-out-loud funny, Clarkson's back. And he's got a point . . . Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the associated Kent Newspapers, and Lincolnshire Life. Today he is the tallest person working in British television.

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Jeremy Clarkson puts the pedal to the floor in Don't Stop Me Now, a collection of his Sunday Times motoring journalism.There's more to life than cars. Jeremy Clarkson knows this. There is, after all, a whole world out there just waiting to be discovered. So, before he gets on to torque steer and active suspension, he takes time out to consider:* The madness of Galapagos tortoises* The similarities between Jeremy Paxman and AC/DC's bass guitarist* The problems and perils of being English* God's dumbest creationThen there are the cars: whether it's the poxiest little runabout or an exotic, firebreathing supercar, no one does cars like Clarkson. Unmoved by mechanics’ claims and unimpressed by press junkets, he approaches anything on four wheels without fear or favour. What emerges from the ashes is rarely pretty. But always very, very funny.Praise for Jeremy Clarkson'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson writes about the machines that he believes have 'soul'. It will come as no surprise to anyone that Jeremy Clarkson loves machines. But it's not just any old bucket of blots, cogs and bearings that rings his bell. In fact, he's scoured the length and breadth of the land, plunged into the oceans and taken to the skies in search of machines with that elusive certain something.And along the way he's discovered:* The safest place to be in the event of nuclear war* Who would win if Superman, James Bond and The Terminator had a fight* The stupidest person he's ever met* What an old Cornish institution called Arthur has to do with 0898chat lines* And how Jean Claude Van Damme might get eaten by a lion . . .In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson tells stories of the geniuses, innovators and crackpots who put the ghost in the machine. From Brunel's SS Great Britain to the awesome Blackbird spy-plane and from the woeful - but inspiring - Graf Zeppelin to Han Solo's Millennium Falcon, they can't help but love them in return.Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

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Jeremy Clarkson shares his opinions on just about everything in The World According to Clarkson.Jeremy Clarkson has seen rather more of the world than most. He has, as they say, been around a bit. And as a result, he's got one or two things to tell us about how it all works; and being Jeremy Clarkson he's not about to voice them quietly, humbly and without great dollops of humour.In The World According to Clarkson, he reveals why it is that:Too much science is bad for our health'70s rock music is nothing to be ashamed ofHunting foxes while drunk and wearing night-sights is neither big nor cleverWe must work harder to get rid of cricketHe likes the Germans (well, sometimes)With a strong dose of common sense that is rarely, if ever, found inside the M25, Clarkson hilariously attacks the pompous, the ridiculous, the absurd and the downright idiotic, whilst also celebrating the eccentric, the clever and the sheer bloody brilliant.Less a manifesto for living and more a road map to modern life, The World According to Clarkson is the funniest book you'll read this year. Don't leave home without it.

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