Search results for ""author james breakwell""

The slacker's guide to parenting from the Twitter's most popular dad!Overachieving parents want you to believe the harder you work, the better your children your will turn out. That lie ends now. The truth is most kids end up remarkably unremarkable no matter what you do, so you might as well achieve mediocrity by the easiest possible route.In Bare Minimum Parenting, amateur parenting sort-of expert James Breakwell will teach you to stop worrying and embrace your child's destiny as devastatingly average. To get there, you'll have to overcome your kid, other parents, unnecessary sporting activity, broccoli, and yourself. Everyone will try to make your life more difficult than necessary. Honestly, by reading this far, you're already trying too hard. But don't stop now. You're exactly the kind of person who needs this book.Reviews for James BreakwellHilarious! - The Sun VERY funny Twitter feed - The Daily Mail The most hilarious man on Twitter - The Telegraph The funniest dad on Twitter - BuzzFeed

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Raising kids can sometimes feel like society has ended, so why not go one further, and actually plan for it? From James Breakwell, who BuzzFeed called 'the funniest dad on Twitter', this hilarious book will help you through the rise of the undead, with helpful hints and tips on raising healthy, entirely human, offspring. So, hunker down, stock up on supplies (alcohol, primarily) and get ready for the long haul. Or alternatively, take the more proactive approach. Ransack your kid's toy chest/weapons locker for zombie lacerating objects, bear arms with a terrorising lightweight buggy, or (not recommended) use your baby as a human missile. With kids and with zombies, the possibilities are truly endless. And with parenting in a zombie apocalypse, the rules change. Bursting with twisted logic, questionable data, badly drawn cartoons and frank parenting advice, this is the witty book that everyone will be talking about this year. And who knows? It may even help you survive everyday life as well.Reviews for James BreakwellHilarious! - The Sun VERY funny Twitter feed - The Daily Mail The most hilarious man on Twitter - The Telegraph The funniest dad on Twitter - BuzzFeed

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There are 22 candidates. There are 12 seats.The last interstellar colony ship is down to its final batch of humans after the robots in charge unhelpfully deleted the rest. But rebooting a species and training them for the arduous task of colonisation isn’t easy – especially when the planet below is filled with monsters, the humans are more interested in asking questions than learning, and the robots are all programmed to kill each other.But the fate of humanity rests on creating a new civilization on the planet below, and there are twelve seats on the lander. Will manipulation or loyalty save the day?

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Delta is having a bad day. After the chaos of the Chosen Twelve crash-landing on Spenser Island, and Delta losing the love of her life, she just wants to hide from the world. But this is impossible when eleven dumb kids all look up to her as their leader on this barren island that is now their home… and their immortality machine is broken. Despite all the creatures out there who could eat them, everyone is too busy going through puberty and making smoochy faces at each other to even consider survival. Since no one else is even remotely qualified, Delta decides that if she’s destined to be alone, she’ll be the greatest leader there ever was. Even if that means killing the human race to get there…

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Tommy knows exactly what he wants to be when he grows up. But when he announces that he plans to be a pterodactyl, it turns out he’s surrounded by sceptics (because what would he eat? Where would he live? How would he make money?). What’s a kid with a big dream to do? Well first of all, he’s not about to give up. (And he has a lot of good answers!) And fortunately, Tommy also has a wonderfully open-minded dad who helps him find a way to fulfil his goal. Kids will be cheering for Tommy on his road to pterodactyldom in this funny, engaging story, all the way to its clever resolution.

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