Search results for ""Author Ross O'Carroll-Kelly""

''FUNNIEST YET!'' IRISH EXAMINERA love affair born in rural Ireland! Two mismatched lovers, locked in a relationship that will change both of them . . . forever! Ross O''Carroll-Kelly was brought up to believe that Gaelic games were invented for people too stupid to understand the laws of rugby. Little did he know that one day he would become a legend of Kerry football. But then, his life has taken a lot of unexpected twists and turns. His father is the Taoiseach of the country. His wife is an actual Government Minister. And his suddenly teenage daughter is heading for the Gaeltacht - and her very first rugby boyfriend. And then there''s Marianne . . . Of course, Ross was too busy becoming a Gaelic football star to realise that his family - like the entire country - was being pushed towards a cliff edge. And he was the only man capable of saving Ireland''s democracy. Which is just like, ''Fooooooock!''<

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THE NUMBER ONE BESTSELLERIreland, Ireland - no longer standing Dáil ...Leinster House had been burned to the ground. All that was left was a smouldering ruin and the blackened remains of an Irish flag.The old man was trying to pin the blame on Brussels, but I knew the actual truth? Unfortunately, Sorcha was too angry with me for having sex with our daughter's Irish teacher to listen.But I had, like, other irons in the - pordon the pun - fire. I'd just become Head Coach of the Ireland rugby team - albeit, women.The country might well have been focked. But very soon, we had everyone believing in fairy tales again.And it all happened once upon a time in . . . Donnybrook_______'Ross is a national institution' Irish Times'In a league of his own' Business Post

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The No 1 Bestseller!When a shameless rugby legend and a distinguished grey lady get together sparks are bound to fly. And when that legend is South Dublin's favourite socialite, Ross O'Carroll-Kelly, and the grey lady is the Irish Times, the result is, well, legendary. From locked-in in Donnybrook to locked-down in Killiney, Ross and the old gal have been through a lot. Now, you can enjoy the very best of his efforts to keep her entertained . . . - His adventures with the Mount Anville Moms WhatsApp group- His daughter Honor's infamous production of South Side Story- His father's court battles with Denis O'Brien- His wife Sorcha's efforts to force her banana bread on the neighbours- His son Ronan's attempt to make it as a Mixed Martial Arts fighterFrom the sheer joy of taking his feral triplets to their first Ireland v. England match, to the sheer misery of Kiely's pub (his spiritual home) closing down, to the pants-shitting tension of taking Honor to Electric Picnic - they're all here!And this new edition includes all new material from 2021 - lest we forget!As the Grey Lady herself would no doubt say: 'That was some ride, Ross!' ______________________________ 'The single greatest chronicler of our times' Irish Independent'A terrific collection' Pat Kenny, Newstalk

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THE NUMBER 1 BESTSELLER - AND THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE ROSS O'CARROLL-KELLY FAN IN YOUR LIFE!'Ross is a national institution' - Irish Times'The social satire is as sharp as it gets ... compelling and carefully crafted' Irish Examiner 'One of the funniest writers in the country' - RTÉ Radio One* * *'The name's O'Carroll-Kelly. Ross O'Carroll-Kelly.'As the great James Bond said, 'History isn't kind to men who play God.' How right the dude ended up being.My secret double-life was finally catching up with me. Sorcha wanted a divorce. I was facing jail time for taking my orse out in a pub in Cork. And there was a very good chance that my sister-in-law's surrogate baby was actually mine?One by one, all of the goys turned their backs on me.Then came an unexpected plot twist. From beyond the grave, Fr Fehily - the M and the Q to our Leinster Schools Senior Cup-winning team - sent us all on one final mission . . .To walk the Camino - or die trying!It's, like, double oh fock!* * *'Laugh-out-loud funny' - Anton Savage, Newstalk 'A legendary anti-hero' - Business Post'Ripe with witty neologisms, side-splitting sexscriptions and of course, rugby ... Paul Howard continues to keep the quality control at an impressively high level. Fair focks' Hot Press

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South Dublin's favourite son thought he could face any challenge - until he was asked to cross the bridge over the River Dargle.For Ross O'Carroll-Kelly - schools rugby hero, celebrated bon vivant and lover of beautiful women - life has suddenly become complicated. His father has been accused of rigging a General Election, his seventy-year-old mother is about to bring six surrogate babies into the world, and his daughter is being hailed as 'Ireland's answer to Greta Thunberg', telling everyone who cares to listen that the end of the world is nigh.As if that wasn't bad enough, the Greatest Rugby Player Never to Play for Ireland has a nagging sense that he has to more to contribute to the beautiful game. Now he's been offered a job coaching an underachieving school who've been waiting almost a century for their moment of glory. The challenge is to persuade a collection of jokers, chokers and forty-a-day smokers that they have what it takes to win the Leinster Schools Senior Cup.The only drawback ... the school is in Bray!Praise for the Ross O'Carroll-Kelly series:'Ross is a national institution ... wicked humour and sharp observation' Irish Times'One of the funniest writers in the land' Irish Independent'Extraordinarily accurate and outstandingly funny' Sunday Business Post

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The final instalment in the Ross O''Carroll Kelly series* * * It looked like it was Game Over for the Rossmeister General.I was staring down the barrel of the big four-oh! And what did I have to show for it?I was an out-of-work rugby coach who was soon to be divorced. My old dear was sliding away in a nursing home in a certain suburb of West Dublin. And my old man had brought the country to the verge of, like, nuclear annihilation.And if that wasn't bad enough, my teenage daughter was in love again. My sister-in-law was about to give birth to a baby that was possibly mine. And Castlerock College was about to go I can't even say the word co-ed.People kept saying that we were facing Ormageddon. But I was like, Hey, it's not the end of the world.'Because Father Fehily used to say, Sometimes good things come to an end so that better things can come to a beginning.'* * *''Ross is a national institut

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THE NUMBER 1 BESTSELLER - AND THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE ROSS O''CARROLL-KELLY FAN IN YOUR LIFE!''Ross is a national institution'' - Irish Times''The social satire is as sharp as it gets ... compelling and carefully crafted'' Irish Examiner ''One of the funniest writers in the country'' - RTÉ Radio One* * *''The name''s O''Carroll-Kelly. Ross O''Carroll-Kelly.''As the great James Bond said, ''History isn''t kind to men who play God.'' How right the dude ended up being.My secret double-life was finally catching up with me. Sorcha wanted a divorce. I was facing jail time for taking my orse out in a pub in Cork. And there was a very good chance that my sister-in-law''s surrogate baby was actually mine?One by one, all of the goys turned their backs on me.Then came an unexpected plot twist. From beyond the grave, Fr Fehily - the M and the Q to our Le

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'Ireland's finest comic creation since Father Ted' Hot PressI was a rugby player with a great future behind me. A 35-year-old father-of-five with an expanding waistline, who was trying to survive the bloody battlefield we call life. My son was locked in a violent turf war with a rival Love/Hate tour operator, my daughter was in love with a boy who looked like Justin Bieber, and my old dear was about to walk up the aisle with a 92-year-old billionaire who thought it was still 1936.I was, like, staring down the barrel of middle age with the contentment of knowing that I was the greatest Irish rugby player who no one in Ireland had ever actually heard of. Until a chance conversation with an old Jesuit missionary made me realize that it wasn't enough.I was guided, as if by GPS, to a muddy field in - let's be honest - Ballybrack. And there I finally discovered my destiny - to keep a struggling Seapoint team in Division 2B of the All Ireland League. Or die trying.'Hides a heart of darkness beneath the layers of craic and great gas and great story-telling and human warmth. Ross O'Carroll-Kelly is Ireland!' Irish Times'A cracking and hilariously witty read' Irish Independent'Book after book, Ross O'Carroll-Kelly delivers the goods ... Howard is in a league of his own' Sunday Business Post

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'FUNNIEST YET!' IRISH EXAMINERA love affair born in rural Ireland! Two mismatched lovers, locked in a relationship that will change both of them . . . forever! Ross O'Carroll-Kelly was brought up to believe that Gaelic games were invented for people too stupid to understand the laws of rugby. Little did he know that one day he would become a legend of Kerry football. But then, his life has taken a lot of unexpected twists and turns. His father is the Taoiseach of the country. His wife is an actual Government Minister. And his suddenly teenage daughter is heading for the Gaeltacht - and her very first rugby boyfriend. And then there's Marianne . . . Of course, Ross was too busy becoming a Gaelic football star to realise that his family - like the entire country - was being pushed towards a cliff edge. And he was the only man capable of saving Ireland's democracy. Which is just like, 'Fooooooock!'__________________________'I hope this series runs for decades' BELFAST TELEGRAPH'Ross is a national institution' IRISH TIMES

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So there I was, roysh, enjoying college life, college birds and, like, a major amount of socialising. Then, roysh, the old pair decide to mess everything up for me. And we're talking totally here. Don't ask me what they were thinking. I hadn't, like, changed or treated them any differently, but the next thing I know, roysh, I'm out on the streets. Another focking day in paradise for me! If it hadn't been for Oisinn's apartment in Killiney, the old man paying for my Golf GTI, JP's old man's job offer and all the goys wanting to buy me drink, it would have been, like, a complete mare. Totally. But naturally, roysh, you can never be sure what life plans to do to you next. At least, it came as a complete focking surprise to me … The life and times of Ross O'Carroll-Kelly, cult hero.

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So there I was, roysh, twenty-three years of age, still, like, gorgeous and rich, living off my legend as a schools rugby player, scoring the birds, being the man, when all of a sudden, roysh, life becomes a total mare. I don't have a Betty Blue what's wrong, but I can't eat, can't sleep, I don't even want to do the old beast with two backs, which means a major problem, and we're talking big time here. Normally my head is so full of, like thoughts, but now I'm down to just one: Sorcha, I'm playing it Kool and the Gang, but this is basically scary. I mean, I'm Ross O'Carroll-Kelly, for fock's sake, I don't do love. With a new introduction by Paul Howard, Ross's representative on, loike, earth.

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So there I was, roysh, putting the 'in' in 'in crowd', hanging out, pick of the babes, bills from the old pair to fund the lifestyle I, like, totally deserve. But being a schools rugby legend has its downsides, roysh, like all the total knobs wanting to chill in your, like, reflected glory, and the bunny-boilers who decide they want to be with me and won't take, like, no for an answer. And we're talking totally here. Basically, it may look like a champagne bath with, like, Nell McAndrew, with, like, no clothes and everything, but I can tell you, roysh, those focking bubbles can burst. And when they do … OH MY GOD! Ross O'Carroll-Kelly is all meat and no preservatives, roysh, at least, that's what it says in the can in, like, one particular south Dublin girls' school, which shall remain nameless, roysh, basically to protect the names of the guilty. You know who you are. With a new introduction by Paul Howard, Ross's representative on, loike, earth?

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So there I was, roysh, class legend, schools rugby legend, basically all-round legend, when someone decides you can't, like, sit the Leaving Cert four times. Well that put a focking spanner in the works. But joining the goys at college wasn't the mare I thought it would be, basically for, like, three major reasons: beer, women and more women. And for once I agree with Fionn about the, like, education possibilities. I mean, where else can you learn about Judge Judy, laminating fake IDs and, like, how to order a Ken and snog a girl at the same time? I may be beautiful, roysh, but I'm not stupid and this much I totally know: college focking rocks.

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