Search results for ""Author Lawrence Dorfman""

According to NewYorker.com, “Lawrence Dorfman assembled a heroic collection. I spent an hour in a state of catharsis, reveling in the sufficiency of the insults,” in his previous homage to snarkdom (Insult Edition). Now just imagine the reviewer’s state after an hour reading the Sex Edition. Here are sharply witty personal observations, jokes, quotations, he-said-she-said snarks, and much more. A taste of what’s to come: • “I’d like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he’s working on now.”—George Carlin • “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”—Lily Tomlin • “Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”—Oscar Wilde • A couple was lying in bed one evening, when the woman felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. His fingers started at her neck, moved down her shoulders, past the side of her breast and so forth. Then he suddenly stopped, rolled over, and became silent. She said, “Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?” “I found the remote,” he mumbled. With the same Snark Handbook style, this latest entry in the series will titillate, amuse, and entertain.

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Do we dare go after the holiest of institutions, that bastion of reverence known as Motherhood and Fatherhood? Do we take a chance ticking off the entire world? After all, we're either a mother or a father or a son or a daughter. . . . Are we, indeed, on “Shaky ground?” Have we finally gotten to the one thing that we shouldn’t poke fun at? Is the sanctity of our home life the one untouchable?NahThroughout the ages, the one constant in literature, music, film, politics, and life has been the love/hate relationship we have with our parents or kids. Whether we’ve sucked up to them to get what we want or we’ve ignored and alienated them; family is the cornerstone for the majority of headaches that we deal with on a daily basis. We love them, we hate them, we resent them, we loathe them . . . but unfortunately, no matter what, they still show up on Thanksgiving and eat the big turkey leg.With that said, what’s a better gift for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Grandparents Day—hell any day—where you can tell your “loved ones” exactly how you feel.But one word of caution. . . . Be careful. They know all your deep, dark secrets.

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CLICHÉ: nounEtymology: French, literally, printer's stereotype, from past participle of clichér, to stereotype, of imitative originDate: 18921 : a trite phrase or expression; also : the idea expressed by it2 : a hackneyed theme, characterization, or situation3 : something that has become overly familiar or commonplace In the words of Stephen Fry, “It is a cliché that most clichés are true, but then like most clichés, that cliché is untrue.” Clichés are like rationalizations: try going a week without using one. It can't be done! They are the hobgoblin of little minds. For most of us, once you begin to take notice, they are fingernails on a chalkboard.From Shakespeare to Shakira; in music, on television, at the movies; in the boardroom, on a conference call, online or in person, clichés have taken over the world. While some nitwits might say they're just misunderstood, they didn't start out that way. There was a time when they were new and vibrant, clever and pithy. Now they're just predictable—a vapid collection of much-too-familiar descriptions or metaphors that often replace smart conversation, speech, or writing.This book is a collection of the most overused phrases of all time. Hopefully, it'll make you laugh. Hopefully, it'll make them think. And at the end of the day, if the early bird catches the worm and the slow and steady win the race . . . Please . . . kill . . . me . . . now.

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Offer praise at the altar of snarkiness!The lord of snark, Lawrence Dorfman, is back! With this treasury of backhanded compliments, sarcastic insults, and catty comebacks, Dorfman gives us transformative wisdom that’s sure to change your life—or at least induce a light chuckle.One question plagues us all: How do we survive all the Sturm und Drang of everyday life? The answer is but one word: snark.“She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on by a pitchfork.” —Jonathan Swift“Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.” —P.G. Wodehouse“He’s a mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.” —Tom Waits“They hardly make ’em like him anymore—but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.” —Hunter S. Thompson“He has a Teflon brain. . . . Nothing sticks.” —Lily Tomlin“He has no more backbone than a chocolate éclair.” —Theodore RooseveltSnark will keep the wolves at bay (or at least out on the porch). Snark, much like a double scotch, will help you deal with relatives, shopping, and rudeness; it is an outlet for the unleashed vitriolic bile that’s saved itself up over the months. Like a shield, it will protect you while you go about your life. Snark is your answer!

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Learn how to become the most glorious a**shole the world has ever seen. Are you tired of everyone’s bullsh*t? Responding to their dumba** questions? Making boring small talk and offering robotic replies? Can’t take one more monotonous, people-pleasing conversation with a distant family member or a friend’s friend? If you have no f*cks left to give and want to dish out some serious snark, grab a copy Snarky as F*ck, the premiere guide to all things sarcastic and sardonic. Explore topics such as: Sex and Romance (Responses to D*ck Pics, Mansplaining, and More) Geography (Snarkiest States in the US!) 21st Century Snark (Curse Word Definitions, Inspirational Bullsh*t, etc.) In the Workplace (Snarky Replies, Sotto Voce Things to Say to Your Boss) Family, Friends, and other Influencers (Greeting Cards for Bastards, and Insults for Around the Dinn

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Another political year is upon us . . . a year in which we elect another useless figurehead to piss off the masses, confuse the classes, and, above all, reward the jackasses. It will be a time of fear, angst, and anger, the perfect moment for The Snark Handbook: Politics and Government Edition. Filled with quotes, jokes, and timeless snarks, this brave foray into the political theater, old and new, will serve as a priceless source of sanity as you navigate the asylum. In the same inimitable style as the previous bestselling Snark titles, this timely entry is guaranteed to amuse and entertain. The wit and humor of Lawrence Dorfman shines in this collection, where he highlights the ineptitude and malice that is American democracy. You’ll see first-hand the shenanigans that started with our Founding Fathers and still continue bravely on today. Hail to the Chief!

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After an expert tutorial on choosing, buying, lighting, smoking and enjoying a good cigar, The Compendium gets into the finer points of smoking, finding the right cigar shop, then gets into the arcania of the cigar, with lengthy sections of cigar-related quotations, anecdotes, jokes, and, finally, a state-by-state listing of the country's best cigar stores and lounges.

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From the author of the bestselling Snark series comes the premiere guide to satire, sneering, jeering, and mockery in their finest forms. A surviving knight of many a verbal joust, Larry Dorfman has become an expert at backhanded sass and cathartic banter.Featuring life lessons from the master himself, as well as quotes and quips by some of history’s sarcastic greats, The Sarcasm Handbook teaches readers how to deflect stupidity and express their inner dissatisfaction with a keen sensibility, hushing subtlety, and wisecrack wit. Included in these invaluable teachings are chapters on achieving the right tone, sarcastic bastards in history, as well as scenarios depicting some of the greatest moments in sarcasm.So pick up your copy today and start learning the art of disparagement through passive aggressiveness!

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