Description
Book SynopsisTrain your body to communicate with confidence and clarity-have your body match what your mouth says. The popular phrase "leading from influence" takes for granted that influence derives chiefly from verbal communication. However, communication is about more than words.
Table of ContentsForeword byMichael Grinder ix
Foreword byMichael Port xi
About the Author xiii
Acknowledgments xv
About This Book xvii
Introduction 1
Understanding the Difference between Power, Intimidation, and Influence 6
How Influence Equals Opportunity 7
Items of Note 10
1 The Signals You Are Sending 13
Good versus Bad Nonverbals 15
2 How the Signals Work 19
Intentional Gestures Are a Powerful Tool 20
When and How the Gesture Happens 22
How Long to Hold the Gesture 25
“But Wait, There’s More . . .” Connecting Two Ideas Nonverbally 25
How to Disconnect Two Ideas Nonverbally 28
3 Gestures of Relationship 33
How to Attach Yourself to a Message 41
How to Create a Visual Placeholder 43
4 Gestures of Location 53
How to Use Locations 54
How to Create a Phantom Location 56
How to Assign Negatives to a Location 57
How to Avoid Cross-Contaminating Your Message 63
5 Gestures That Teach 65
Keep the Gesture Simple and Familiar 66
Verbal and Nonverbal Congruency 70
Do I Always Have to Be Congruent? 71
6 Gestures of Expectation and Influence 73
How to Use Your Posture to Show Your Confidence 74
Manage the Behavior—Not the Person 79
Proactive versus Reactive 80
I Expect You to Wait 83
Power Gestures 86
How to Confirm Others’ Perception of the Experience 87
7 The Eyes Have It 91
Where Do I Put My Eyes? 92
What Can I Do with My Eyes? 94
Eyes and Emotion 95
How to Manage with Eye Contact 96
Pros and Cons of Little or No Eye Contact 97
8 How the Signals Sound—The Voice 101
Voice Patterns of What We Do andWho We Are 105
How to Use the Credible Voice Pattern 106
How to Use the Connection Voice Pattern 108
Is Your Voice Sabotaging You? 110
Addicted to the Verbal Pause 112
The Need to Breathe 113
9 The Unintentional Nonverbals 119
Fidget Reboot Button 121
The Nonverbal Outburst 122
10 The Fine Print in Your Owner’s Manual 125
The Trick Is to Remain Flexible 126
Master the Behavior Game 128
11 Putting It All to Work 137
Feelings Change Facts 138
Emotions Motivate 139
How to Communicate a Clear Direction 140
Observe to Become Self-Aware 141
How Context Controls the Message 141
Final Thoughts: Master Your Message—Next Steps 146
Cheat Sheets 149
Resources and Recommended Reading 158
Quick Reference Guides 160
Index 170
