Description
Book SynopsisWorking Daughter is a revelatory look at who’s caring for our aging population and how these unpaid family caregivers are trying to manage caring for their parents, raising their children, and pursuing their careers. It tells the story of one woman who was enjoying a fast-paced career in marketing and raising two children, until both of her parents were diagnosed with terminal illnesses on the same day. In the challenges she faced and the choices she made, readers will learn how they can navigate their own caregiving experience and/or prepare for when they are inevitably called on to care for their parents. Working Daughter sparks the conversation we so desperately need to have about women and the workplace. With 10,000 people turning 65 every day and a shortage of caregivers predicted in the next few years, it’s time we talk about how family caregivers and their employers will face the impact of a rapidly aging society. This book fills the gap in the literature on women and work; there are volumes of books about managing career and children, but little advice on how to balance career and parents. Working Daughter provides a blueprint for women and a call to action for business leaders and policy makers. This is book is for women who want straight talk and real advice about the challenges of eldercare, the choices they will need to make, the aspects of caregiving they can control, and that which they cannot. And finally, Working Daughter shows family caregivers how they can achieve, the underreported but well-documented upside to caring for an aging parent, the caregiver’s gain.
Trade ReviewAiming her words at the many women in the sandwich generation, O’Donnell presents a blueprint for managing a career, children, and aging parents. She applies her own experience and that of others to talk plainly about the challenges of eldercare, the choices to be made, the aspects of caregiving that can and cannot be controlled, and the upside to caring for an aging parent. O’Donnell further considers common issues such as setting boundaries, caregiving with siblings, managing disruptions, and practicing self-care. VERDICT This book provides much-needed support for the growing population of women caregivers. Highly recommended for both public and personal collections. * Library Journal, Starred Review *
What happens to women who spend more time with their ailing parents than with their husbands and kids? They can feel overburdened and resentful, writes O’Donnell, a mom of two kids who was the primary caregiver for her now-deceased parents. On the same day in 2014, doctors diagnosed her father with early-onset Alzheimer’s and her mother with ovarian cancer. In this honest, advice-filled memoir, O'Donnell admits to feeling like a “horrible, selfish” person and an overwhelmed one, too. At one point, this super-daughter, who was also working full time, had 196 items on her to-do list for her parents. She advises parents to remove the word “should” from their vocabulary and to choose some “non-negotiables,” like being present in their kids’ lives and staying employed. “Perfect is overrated” and “impossible,” she says. After her father’s death in July 2017, she feels a “sense of freedom.” But it’s temporary. Her 51-year-old husband gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The lesson seems to be to expect the unexpected and to place more value on loving and caring for family members. * Booklist *
Liz O'Donnell, an expert on life challenges faced by working women, tackles an issue that most will eventually face: how to help an aging parent while keeping up with work and everything else a modern woman is often juggling. This book provides essential understanding, encouragement, and practical advice. I especially loved her suggestions on how to manage at work and how to handle the inevitable expectations and judgments that women encounter (not the least of which come from themselves). This is a great resource to help "working daughters" and I'd also recommend it to employers and policy-makers, who need to do more to support the many working family caregivers of aging adults. -- Leslie Kernisan, MD, Geriatrician, Founder of BetterHealthWhileAging.net and HelpingOlderParents.com
Women might be able to shoulder both work and motherhood, but throw an elderly parent’s care into the mix, and these mighty women can collapse into a heap of wine, cheese dip and tissues. Liz O’Donnell gives them some guidance on how to accept their fates, manage the mess, and even find some joy in the moment. -- Virginia Morris, author of "How to Care for Aging Parents"
Liz O’Donnell is a woman who knows how to write, how to be brutally honest, how to tell caregivers’ unique stories, and how tell a bigger story about the new normal we’re all experiencing as our parents live so much longer than any generation before now. I love this book so much. It’s required reading for every grown-up with a loved one to care for. Heck, it’s just required reading about modern American life. -- Anne Tumlinson, National aging expert, and founder of Daughterhood.org, a community of caregivers
Finally a book that respects and addresses the challenges faced by women in the workforce who are simultaneously caring for aging parents. Working Daughter is an essential guide that will help and empower caregivers at a time when they need it most. -- Dr. Nanette Fondas, D.B.A., M.Phil., author of "The Custom-Fit Workplace: Choose When, Where, and How to Work and Boost Your Bottom Line"
Working Daughter is an essential tool for the millions of families facing the crisis of elder care in this country. Liz crafts a gripping narrative that describes her own experiences and combines her story with a treasure trove of practical strategies that are universal in application. The book is a must-read for both daughters and sons of aging parents. -- Lauren Stiller Rikleen, president, Rikleen Institute for Strategic Leadership, and author of "The Shield of Silence: How Power Perpetuates a Culture of Harassment and Bullying in the Workplace"
Caregivers are joined by stories, because it is through our stories where diversity meets to the road to combat a common cause. And our common cause is caregiving. By sharing her caregiving story, Liz O'Donnell provides her readers with real-life stories, filled with real-life emotions, complemented by tried and tested solutions so that your caregiving journey just might be a tad bit easier. Well Done Liz! -- Christopher MacLellan, M.A.; Author, Host of the Healing Ties Podcast, Coordinator Caregiver Assistance Program for the South Florida Institute on Aging
Drawing from her own raw experience caring for her aging parents while juggling young children and working as her family breadwinner, in Working Daughter Liz O’Donnell offers hard-won lessons on dealing with shame, guilt and unrealistic expectations, as well as how to navigate the complex, confusing and woefully inadequate elder care system in America. A welcome and practical guide to anyone struggling to honor and care for aging loved ones while seeking to live their own lives fully. -- Brigid Schulte, award-winning journalist, author of the New York Times bestselling "Overwhelmed: Work, Love & Play when No One has the Time," and director of The Better Life Lab at New America
Well done Liz for giving permission to women (and men) to cut the perfection garbage that hurts everyone around elder care. Liz has captured the incredibly hard challenge and the joy of care-taking our parents while having a career. Every CEO should read this book so they can figure out how to help make it easier for people to do both. -- Jodi Detjen, Clinical Professor of Management, MBA Program Director, Suffolk University
Working Daughter is an unflinchingly honest, sharp, often funny guide to caring for an aging parent while holding down a job. If you've ever wished you could just talk to someone who understands what you're going through - and also offers the best advice - you've found her. -- Ashley Milne-Tyte, Host, The Broad Experience podcast
Table of ContentsAcknowledgments Introduction 1 Accept 2 Absolve 3 Prioritize 4 Flex 5 Choose 6 Manage 7 Disrupt 8 Renew 9 Plan 10 Reflect Notes Bibliography Index
