Draws on the latest science and field researc
Table of Contents
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS IX
INTRODUCTION: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE, SON? 1
Competing Purposes 3
What Is the Purpose of Boys? 4
We Who Care for Boys and Men 9
PART ONE UNDERSTANDING THE PURPOSE OF BOYS 11
1 THE LOSS OF PURPOSE IN AMERICAN BOYHOOD 13
Why Parents Want to Provide Purpose for Boys 15
Moving Forward with New Vision 22
2 HOW LITTLE BOYS DEVELOP THEIR SENSE OF PURPOSE 25
The Empathy of Boys 26
Brain Differences Between Boys and Girls 30
How Boys and Girls Need Purpose Differently 33
Your Little Boy’s Need to Save the World 36
Asking the Deep Questions of Boys 42
3 HOW ADOLESCENT BOYS SEEK THEIR PURPOSE IN LIFE 43
The Young Seeker Among the Primitive and the Civilized 45
How Adolescent Boys and Girls Seek and Develop Purpose Differently 48
What Motivates Different Boys 57
Helping Our Sons Seek Respect in Adolescence 59
Moving Forward with a Map in Hand 62
4.SON, YOU ARE MY HERO 63
The Heroic Son 64
The Story of Joseph 66
The Story Ends, for Now 86
PART TWO HELPING OUR SONS FIND THEIR PURPOSE IN LIFE 89
5 CREATING FAMILIES OF PURPOSE FOR BOYS 91
Creating a Three-Family System: The Parent-Led Team 92
The Development of a Boy’s Sense of Destiny in the Family System 96
The Ten Values Tool 97
The Value of Teaching Sexual Purpose 109
Helping Our Sons Find Purposeful Work 115
Helping Boys Find Purpose in Their Media Use 121
A Boy’s Search for Freedom 128
6 CREATING COMMUNITIES OF PURPOSE FOR BOYS 130
The Loss of Communities of Purpose for Boys 131
What the Community Can Do for Our Sons 134
Forming Purposeful Communities for African American Boys 141
Changing Helping Professions to Focus on Boys’ Needs 151
Enjoying Communities of Purpose with Boys 153
7 CHANGING SCHOOLS TOWARD RELEVANCE AND PURPOSE FOR BOYS 155
How Boys Are Struggling for Purpose in School 156
Fixing the Mismatch Between Schools and the Purpose of Boys 158
Investing in Schools of Purpose 178
8 CREATING AND PROVIDING RITES OF PASSAGE FOR YOUR SON 179
Guiding a Son Through Male Adolescence 180
Developing Your Own Rite-of-Passage Programs 184
The “Here I Am” Rite-of-Passage Program 189
The Power of Purposeful Men 205
EPILOGUE: COMING TOGETHER TO ADVOCATE FOR BOYS 207
NOTES AND RESOURCES 211
BIBLIOGRAPHY 225
APPENDIX: RITE-OF-PASSAGE PROGRAMS 229
THE GURIAN INSTITUTE 235
THE AUTHOR 237
INDEX 239
