Description
Book SynopsisLegal gay marriage is still a relatively new phenomenon. As gay men who are now able to get married, we find ourselves in a bit of a quandary: for many male couples, sex is a lot more important for us than it is for heterosexuals. Two married men often have a stronger desire for sex - wanting more of it and with a wider variety of partners - than married opposite-sex couples. How does this work within the structure of a monogamous marriage? Is an open relationship a better structure for gay marriage? Assuming that gay marriages will emulate heterosexual marriages is neither a valid nor a helpful assumption. But, as gay men, where does that leave us? There are currently no “rule books” for how a marriage between two men could or should work. While there are lots of books about how to plan your gay wedding, there are virtually none that address what to do after the honeymoon is over (literally and figuratively). This book fills that void. It offers married gay couples (and gay men considering marriage) an easy-to-follow, practical framework that they can use to help create, adjust and structure their marriages. Using helpful examples and first-hand quotes throughout, Openly-gay psychotherapist Michael Dale Kimmel offers a roadmap for gay men who want to be married but have questions and concerns about monogamy and monotony.
Trade ReviewEngaging, candid and filled with insightful practical advice, Kimmel’s The Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage is a timely, compassionate invitation to challenge cultural norms and forge our own ways of loving. -- David Charles Manners, author of Limitless Sky
The Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage is a valuable look in to the unique challenges that gay male marriages face. Kimmel is refreshingly frank and most importantly, he understands and navigates the nuances of male-male relationships. -- Craig Laurance Gidney, Two-Time Lambda Literary Award Finalist
For the gay man who's married, going to be married, or in a dating relationship, Michael Dale Kimmel gives an honest, insightful, and fun look at how to make sex, love, conflict, and competition work--both in and out of bed. -- Alex Sanchez, author of Rainbow Boys
A complete guide to what gay men experience in relationships. Finally, a book on sexual relationships, just for us. -- Adam D. Blum, MFT, Founder and Director, Gay Therapy Center
Finally, an intelligent, compassionate guide to help navigate the complex waters of sexuality in gay relationships! Filled with insights, secrets, and practical tools, this groundbreaking work will help you forge a path to love and intimacy that truly works for you. -- Mark Matousek, author of Sex Death Enlightenment and When You're Falling, Dive
The Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage is for anyone who is wanting to bring awareness and consciousness to the choices they make in their relationships and having the marriage that they dream of and deserve. Cheers to Michael Dale Kimmel for helping all of us in the gay community better take care of each others hearts. -- Conrad Ricamora, star of “How to get away with Murder”
I actually got emotional about the suggestions Kimmel provided for giving one another time and space to process when things get heated, and apologizing through action if words don’t come as easily. I reflected on how many of my past relationships would have benefited from this simple guide for “double testosterone” conflict resolution. Being right doesn’t mean we win in a relationship. This is one of many crucial points the book illuminates. A great read. -- Darryl Stephens, author, Required Reading: How to Get Your Life for Good
Michael Dale Kimmel offers an unflinchingly honest perspective into the relatively unknown territory of the "Double Testosterone" marriage. As a relationship anthropologist of sorts, Kimmel has excavated the roots of holy matrimony, while trimming away the branches that no longer serve us, allowing the birth of a new age of partnership. A must read for any same-sex couple or individual questioning how & where we can discover our own happily-ever-after. -- Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, Actor and LGBTQ activist (Unreal, Love by the 10th Date)
A smart, thorough, no-judgements guide book to the discussions every gay couple should have (but rarely do) before they even think about ring shopping. -- Michael Bastian, designer
Growing up as the only gay individual in my family (that I know of), it was and still is very easy to fall into a heteronormative sense of self. What Michael illustrates and analyzes so beautifully and meticulously in this book is the beauty and complexity of being different in an institutionalized, heterosexualized world. I only wish this book had come out when I was a young adult to help guide me through some of my past relationships. Being gay is unique and special. And the wealth of experience and knowledge from evident years of practice and research that pours from this book is just that: unique. A definite must read for any man navigating the tricky waters of loving another man. The takeaway for me? There is no one way to do anything. And never be ashamed or afraid to ask for what you want out of love. Because you deserve it. -- Matthew Risch, actor, writer
I'm grateful to be part of the first LGBT generation that reached adulthood knowing gay marriage was a reality. But now what? In this book, Michael Dale Kimmel has provided us with a nuanced look at the question we face next in our evolution: What can our marriages become now that we have them? I recommend this read for any man who's ever dreamt of saying 'I do' to the one they love. -- Michael J. Willett, actor, G.B.F. and Faking It
Table of ContentsIntroduction Section 1: Unique Challenges for Gay Marriages 1: Designing your Marriage 2: Conflict and Competition 3: Redefining Gender-based Roles 4: Soul Mates, Family and Community Support Section 2: Exploring Open Marriage 5: Sexual Freedom and Expression 6 : Negotiating Jealousy and Insecurity 7: Creating and Adjusting to an Open Marriage 8: Balancing Sexual Expression with Emotional Connection Section 3: Exploring Monogamy 9: Sex, Monogamy and “The Three-Year Itch” 10: Keeping Monogamy Lively: Balancing Emotional Stability with Spontaneity 11: The Art of Not Merging/How Not to Lose Yourself Conclusion/Summary
