Description
Book Synopsis“I’m in love with this book! It illuminates the forces that make parenting so difficult, and helps us develop better relationships with our kids—and ourselves.”
—Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE, author of Raising Good Humans
Parenting is
hard. But when we replace conventional parent-child power dynamics with collaboration, family life gets easier today—and we create a better world for all of us in the future.
When we see our children stalling, resisting, having tantrums, using mean words, and hitting, we want to
just make it stop. But conventional discipline methods like time-outs, countdowns, and “consequences” teach children that it’s OK for more powerful people to control others—a lesson they take out into the world. This is how
we learned White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism from our parents—and we will replicate this with our children unless we make a different choice.
Research-based parenting educator Jen Lumanlan offers a simple yet revolutionary framework for rethinking our relationships with children. This new approach helps us to look beneath challenging behaviors to find and meet children’s needs, and ours too—perhaps for the first time in our lives. It involves empathetic listening, understanding feelings and underlying needs, and problem-solving with our children to find solutions to conflicts that work for everyone.
Family life becomes radically easier in the short term because behavior problems tend to melt away. In the long term, we’ll raise children who confidently advocate for themselves and treat others with profound respect.
Includes sample scripts, flowcharts, and resources to help parents learn and implement this new approach.
—"The compassionate guidance will be a boon to parents eager to move away from punitive child-rearing strategies."
—Publisher's WeeklyTrade Review“I’m in love with this book! It illuminates the forces that make parenting so difficult, and helps us develop better relationships with our kids—and ourselves.”
—
Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE, author of Raising Good Humans"The compassionate guidance will be a boon to parents eager to move away from punitive child-rearing strategies."
—Publisher's WeeklyLumanlan offers tools for parents to evaluate the needs of both themselves and
their children and techniques for families to reach solutions that respect everyone’s desires...Her guidance on building community and conversation-starting scripts is outstanding...will appeal
to parents seeking alternatives to conventional child-rearing styles and advice."
—Booklist“Lumanlan challenges us to face our privilege and adopt a powerful new way of parenting that’s both effective and empathetic. Highly recommended for anyone involved in raising the next generation.”
—Carla Naumburg, PhD, author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids
“Wow! There is no shortage of parenting books but this is a standout: both eye-opening and practical.”
—Dolly Chugh, PhD, author of A More Just Future and The Person You Mean to Be and NYU Stern professor“A must for all teachers, parents, and citizens interested in a better world.”
—John H. Bickford III, PhD, Professor of Social Studies/History Education, Eastern Illinois UniversityTable of ContentsContents: Preface
Author’s Note
Introduction
CHAPTER 1: SOCIETAL FORCES In FAMILY LIFE
How White Supremacy, Patriarchy, and Capitalism Affect Our Relationships with Our Children
CHAPTER 2: JUDGMENTS, REWARDS, AND PUNISHMENTS
They “Work” (But Not the Way We Want Them To)
CHAPTER 3: EMOTIONS AND REGULATION
How to Navigate Tantrums, Meltdowns, and Shutdowns
CHAPTER 4: CHILDREN'S RESISTANCE
A Gift that Shows Us Their Needs
CHAPTER 5: MEETING PARENTS' NEEDS
(Sometimes with Boundaries)
CHAPTER 6: PROBLEM-SOLVING CONVERSATIONS
A Way to Meet Everyone’s Needs
CHAPTER 7: COMMON DIFFICULTIES WITH PROBLEM-SOLVING CONVERSATIONS
And How to Address Each One
CHAPTER 8: LEVELING UP
Applying Your New Skills to the Challenges You Face
AFTERWORD: WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER
Building Your Village
Summary of Key Ideas
Acknowledgments
Resources
Actions
List of Needs
List of Feelings When Needs Are Met
List of Feelings When Needs are Unmet Starter Scripts
Index
Notes
