{"product_id":"you-cant-say-that-to-me-9780471003991","title":"You Cant Say That to Me","description":"\u003cb\u003eBook Synopsis\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can''t say that to me! Can''t you do anything right? I can''tbelieve you would feed that junk to your child! What is this? Anddon''t tell me it''s a casserole, I already know that. If youreally cared about me, you wouldn''t behave this way. Soundfamiliar? Each of us occasionally feels the sting of veryunpleasant language from those who are closest to us--spouses,employers, friends, relatives. But frequent and repeated use ofunanswerable questions, scalding accusations, sarcasm,insinuations, and even icy silence is more than simply unpleasant;it is abusive, destructive, and frequently leads to escalatingarguments and physical violence. Suzette Haden Elgin, creator ofthe Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, has developed a unique andrevolutionary way to break the cycle of verbal violence andeliminate it from your life--without ruining your marriage, riskingyour job, or alienating friends or loved ones. Dr. Elgin shows youhow to neutralize verbal attacks and discourage future abusewith:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eTable of Contents\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow to use this Book xv\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIntroduction 1\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhy do we put up with it? 3\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eYour Personal Verbal Abuse Survey 6\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 1: Recognizing the source of the problem 9\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eScenario One 9\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat’s going on here? 9\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat goes wrong – and why? 13\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it: Using Miller’s Law 17\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDialogues for analysis 19\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother look at Scenario One 21\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 1 Backup 25\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bites 29\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 2: Recognizing the source of the solution 31\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eScenario Two 31\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat’s going on here? 32\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Basics – Defining our terms 34\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it: Awareness 43\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother look at Scenario Two 49\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 2 Backup 52\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bites 54\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 3: Recognizing that you already have everything you need to put an end to verbal violence in your life 56\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eScenario Three 56\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat’s going on here? 58\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe grammar of verbal violence 67\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it: choosing your communication strategy 68\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother look at Scenario Three 71\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 3 Backup 75\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bites 80\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 4: Recognizing that you are an expert in your language 81\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eScenario Four 81\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat’s going on here? 83\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eYou are an expert in your language 85\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it: giving up the myths about verbal abuse 89\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother look at Scenario Four 91\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 4 Backup 95\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bites 102\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 5: Understanding the two goals of verbal self-defense 104\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eScenario Five 104\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat’s going on here? 106\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhy it matters: The link between verbal and physical violence 108\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it: Recognizing abusive language 110\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother look at Scenario Five 116\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 5 Backup 119\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bites 122\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 6: Deciding never to participate in verbal violence – and following through 125\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eScenario Six 125\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat’s going on here? 127\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe problem of following through 129\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it: Dealing with English verbal attack patterns 137\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother look at Scenario Six 140\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 6 Backup 143\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bites 146\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 7 Maintaining your own healthy language environment 147\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eScenario Seven 147\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat’s going on here? 148\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eLanguage behavior is contagious 149\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it: Using the Satir modes 151\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother look at Scenario Seven 160\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 7 Backup 162\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bites 167\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 8: Taking responsibility for your own language and its consequences 168\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eScenario Eight 168\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat’s going on here? 169\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it: Taking responsibility 171\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eOne more technique: Following the language traffic rules 173\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother look at Scenario eight 177\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStep 8 Backup 182\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bite 183\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eConclusion 185\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe unifying metaphor in verbal abuse 186\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat to do about it 186\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSight Bites 192\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eBibliography 193\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIndex to backup material 203\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIndex 205\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"John Wiley \u0026 Sons Inc","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":49402476036439,"sku":"9780471003991","price":15.29,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0817\/1739\/5799\/files\/9780471003991.jpg?v=1730480518","url":"https:\/\/bookcurl.com\/products\/you-cant-say-that-to-me-9780471003991","provider":"Book Curl","version":"1.0","type":"link"}