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Her beloved sister Dara was killed in a helicopter crash. Soon afterwards, Niamh's marriage disintegrated, and she feared she would lose her house, beside her remaining family. Life as she knew it had ended and the cumulative loss, in terms of impact, was staggering.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA psychologist for many years, Niamh guides clients on their journey to overcome the worst of times in their lives. 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She has been featured in hundreds of shows and magazines, including ABC World News, CNN Headline News, and Fox \u0026amp; Friends. She is the author of Good Morning, I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye, The Change Your Life Challenge, and other books. She lives in Wisconsin.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eTable of Contents\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIntroduction Part One: An Unfamiliar World: The Journey into Grief Chapter One: The Starting Point: Notes from the Austhors Pam's Story Brook's Story Sudden Loss Comes Again Chapter Two: Notes for the First Few Weeks Treat Yourself as if You Were in Intensive Care Expect to Be Distracted Have Someone Near You Accept the Help of Friends Caring for Your Children Someone to Take Calls and Check Email Seek Assistance with Final Arrangements Don't Worry about Contacting People Let Your Body Lead You Religious Traditions Wills and Arrangements Cultural Differences Going Back to Work Grief Sessions A Guide for Those Helping Others with Grief Chapter Three: Understanding the Emotional and Physical Effects of Grief Exhaustion Days of Distraction Denying Our New Reality Anger . . . a Normal Response Grief Knows No Schedule Physical Symptoms Emotional Ambushes Grief and Dreams If You Don't Dream If You Do Dream Important Things to Remember on the Pathway Feeling the Presence of the Deceased When You Don't Feel the Presence of the Deceased Communicating with Your Loved One (and If You Haven't) The World Becomes Dreamlike A Time to Withdraw Hurtful Self-talk Impulsive Living Instant Replays and Obsessive Thoughts The \"If Only\" Mind Game Fear Chapter Four: Myths and Misunderstandings of the Grieving Process Myth #1: Death is death, sudden or long-term, and we all grieve the same way Myth #2: By keeping busy I can lessen or eliminate my grief. Myth #3: I must be going crazy or \"losing it.\" Myth #4: I will need to make sure I don't grieve for too long - one year should be enough Myth #5: If I express my anger at God or the circumstances of thedeath, I am a bad person and will \"pay\" for it. Myth #6: My friends tell me it is time to let go. Since others haveacclimated to life again, I should too Myth#7: I must wear black for a designated time period or I willdishonor the person who died Myth #8: I won't have to grieve as much and I will feel better if Iuse alcohol or medication to alleviate my sadness Myth #9: If I talk about the loss of my loved one I'll feel worse Myth #10: Shouldn't I be strong enough to \"tough it out\" by myself? Myth #11: I've done something wrong because some of my family and friends are turning away from me Myth #12: I should be relieved that they didn't suffer a long and lingering illness Myth #13: Someday I'll have another (spouse, child, parent, lover...) and that person will erase the pain and replace what I have lost. Myth #14: Once I am done with one stage of grief, I will simply move on to the next Myth #15: If I relive the good times, I'll stay stuck in the pain Myth #16: Children really don't understand death and probably don't need to be included in the funeral plans or memorial services Myth #17: To properly honor the deceased, I must have the standard wake and burial Myth #18: I am scared that if I grieve, I'll \"get over my loss.\" I don't want to forget him! Myth #19: Help, I'm stuck on instant replay. I can't get this out of my thoughts - something is wrong with me Myth #20: This kind of thing doesn't happen in my family Myth #21: There must be something wrong with me. I'm not crying Myth #22: I'm not grieving right - I should be doing something differently. Myth #23: I should feel guilty. Myth #24: I shouldn't feel so angry Myth#25: I'll never be happy again. Myth#26: After a while I will no longer think or feel anything about the loss Myth #27: In order to process my grief effectively I need to advance through the Five Stages of Grief Myth #28: The final stage of grief requires acceptance Part Two: The World Is Upside Down: Collecting Our Scattered Pieces Chapter Five: The World is Upside Down Assumptions Are Shattered Loss of Purpose Redefining Ourselves What Matters Now? Finding a Beginning, Middle, and End Why Did This Happen? Do We Ever Get over Grief? Chapter Six: Relating to Others Too Close to Home You Are a Different Person The Ten-Day Syndrome Repeating the Story Awkward Questions Chapter Seven: Difficult Days: Holidays, Anniversaries, and More Birthdays Anniversaries Weddings Holidays Happy New Year? Next Year Chapter Eight: Grieving Together: Understanding How Men and Women Grieve Problem Solving and Facing Challenges Processing Grief Communicating Different Losses, Different Worlds: When One Member of a Couple Experiences Tragedy Masculine Grief Guidelines for Grieving Couples Chapter Nine: Helping Children Cope with Grief Babies (Birth to Eighteen Months) Toddlers (Eighteen Months to Three Years) Young Children Age Three to Six Years Age Six to Nine Years Age Nine and Older Adolescence Teenagers to Young Adults Does Your Child Need Professional Help? Grief by Proxy General Guidelines for Helping Children Part Three: Sharing Our Stories Chapter Ten: Losing a Friend Reaching for the Phone Some Things You Can Do Chapter Eleven: Losing a Parent Daddy Generation Shifts Some Things You Can Do Chapter Twelve: Losing a Child Extreme Emotions Losing an Adult Child Your Relationship with Your Partner For Parents with Surviving Children Some Things You Can Do after the Loss of a Child Chapter Thirteen: Losing a Partner Loss of Identity Circles of Friends Lingering Memories and Images Marilyn's Story Joan's Story Learning to Do Things Alone Funeral Arrangements For Widows with Surviving Children at Home Will I Ever Love Again? Seeking Purpose Some Things You Can Do Chapter Fourteen: Losing a Sibling Being Overlooked in the Grieving Process Double the Loss Idealizing Guidelines for Young Siblings Identity through a Sibling Birth Order Is He Still My Older Brother? The Hot and Cold Nature of Sibling Relationships Grieving an Adult Sibling Terri's Story Some Things You Can Do Chapter Fifteen: Fallen Heros Limited Circles of Support Deepened Denial Political Challenges Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors Military Losses Outside of the Public Eye I Should Have Said Standing with Pride Some Things You Can Do Chapter Sixteen: Suicde Common Reactions to Suicide Religion and Suicide The Stigma Some Things You Can Do Chapter Seventeen: One of Many: When Tragedy Causes Multiple Deaths Trauma Obsessed with Revenge and Retribution Talking to Children Mental Health Aspects of Terrorism Typical Reactions Post Traumatic Stress The Path toward Healing Chapter Eighteen: Other Unique Challenges The Challenge of Closure: When Our Loved One's Body Is Not Recovered Non-Traditional Relationships Grief Is Cumulative When Our Darkest Hour Becomes Front-Page News Suggestions for Dealing with Media Part Four: Pathways through Grief Chapter Nineteen: The Road Ahead: Understanding the Grief Journey Themes of Grief by Year Grief Steps The Ten-Step Pathway Chapter Twenty: Faith A Fork in the Road Anger at God Faith Communities and Grief What Do I Believe? Reconnecting with God Some Things You Can Do Chapter Twenty-One: Self-Help and Therapy What are Grief Therapy and Grief Counseling? Does Anything Good Ever Come of All This? Maggie's Story Is It Really Possible to Transform My Grief and Pain into Creative Energy? Journaling and Letter Writing Self-Help Books Frequently Asked Questions about Self-Help, Therapy, and Healing So much change has happened in my life since the loss. How do I cope? Chapter Twenty-Two: The Grief Recovery Process and Exercises to Guide You Anger Exercise Thank You Exercise Learning through Loss What My Loved One Has Left Me Screaming Exercise Defining Priorities Coping with Guilt Poetry The Gratitude Journal Calming Visualization Memory Books Rituals Chapter Twenty-Three: The Journey Continued... Parting Notes from the Authors Brook Noel . . . October 4, 1999 Brook Noel . . . July 29, 2007 Pamela D. Blair . . . 1999 Pamela D. Blair . . . July 29, 2007 APPENDIX I The Memorial Service The Eulogy A Checklist of Calls to Make Friends Support Group Invitation APPENDIX II: GRIEF RESOURCES AND SUPPORT Support for Loss of a Partner Support for Grieving Children Support for the Loss of a Child Support for Loss through Suicide Internet Support for Siblings General Bereavement Support Other Recommended Books by Topic BIBLIOGRAPHY INDEX ABOUT THE AUTHORS","brand":"Sourcebooks, Inc","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48738941239639,"sku":"9781402212215","price":11.69,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0817\/1739\/5799\/files\/9781402212215.jpg?v=1720050643"},{"product_id":"the-consequences-of-love-9781405943222","title":"The Consequences of Love","description":"\u003cb\u003eBook Synopsis\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe must-read memoir about t\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003ehe dazzling days and dark nights of a Chelsea childhood . . .\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e''Brilliant and moving'' \u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003eThe Times\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e''Dazzling'' \u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003eEvening Standard\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e''Beautifully written'' \u003c\/b\u003eMarian Keyes\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e''Unflinchingly honest \u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003eSunday Times\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e''Superbly written'' \u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003eGuardian\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e''A triumph'' \u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003ei\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e_______\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHer father was a hairdresser to the rich and famous - he was also their drug dealer.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHer mother was an alcoholic fashion model. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHer days and nights were non-stop parties - she spent them taking care of her little sister and putting out naked flames.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnd when her sister dies aged nine, Gavanndra is left alone with her grief. Growing up in the dazzling days and dark nights of her parents'' social lives, surviving means fitting into their dysfunctional world, while stopping the family from falling apart . . .\u003cbr\u003e_________\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e''A redemptive tale of an emotional\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eTrade Review\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eUnflinchingly honestly. A beautiful book . . . everyone should read it\u003c\/b\u003e * The Sunday Times *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eThere are scenes that will reduce you to tears, but there's also humour, forgiveness and uplifting optimism [...] by the end of this dazzling debut you just want to give her a huge cheer for coming through\u003c\/b\u003e * Evening Standard *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eWise and moving . . . this memoir is an acknowledgment that love demands a price\u003c\/b\u003e * Guardian *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eBy turns painful and joyful, this beautiful book has plenty of poignant lessons to teach us about grief and love\u003c\/b\u003e * Cosmopolitan *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eGavanndra writes \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003ebeautifully\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003e, her words are unsentimental but very lyrical [...] I loved this book and my tears fell into the bath as I read it\u003c\/b\u003e -- Clover Stroud * author of The Sunday Times Bestselling memoir My Wild and Sleepless Nights *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eA devastating, heart-breaking and magnificent meditation on the function of memory. It will stay with me forever, so beautifully written \u003c\/b\u003e * Daisy Buchanan, author of The Sisterhood *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eA completely unforgettable and unique family memoir. A total cliché but I honestly couldn't put it down\u003c\/b\u003e * Hadley Freeman *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eA real tear-jerker\u003c\/b\u003e * i *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e'Beautifully-written, calm-but-utterly-compelling life-story of trauma and healing... the author seems lovely and I want to be her pal!'\u003c\/b\u003e * Marian Keyes *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eAt a time when so many families are losing loved ones, and are denied even the scant comfort funerals provide, there is no more poignant moment for this book to appear\u003c\/b\u003e -- Emily Hill * The Spectator *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eThis is one of the best books I've read about grief - and the catastrophic consequences of addiction. Exquisitely written. Profoundly moving\u003c\/b\u003e -- Robert Peston\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eGavanndra Hodge's moving memoir recounts the consequences of an early life framed by beauty, glamour and tragedy\u003c\/b\u003e * The Observer *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eA heartbreaking and compelling memoir\u003c\/b\u003e * Red *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eLooks at the power of love and loss in shaping one's life. Moving and beautifully written\u003c\/b\u003e * Grazia *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe must-read of the summer\u003c\/b\u003e * The Times *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eSo brilliantly written . . . ultimately joyful and uplifting\u003c\/b\u003e * Daily Mirror *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eBrave and beautifully written\u003c\/b\u003e * Elle *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eThere are books - and then there are books that you'll never forget reading. A quite extraordinary memoir\u003c\/b\u003e -- Becky Barrow * News Editor of The Sunday Times *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eI read it in one sitting without pause. It is an astonishing book. I haven't stopped thinking about it\u003c\/b\u003e -- Charlotte Edwardes * columnist for Sunday Times Style Magazine *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eA wonderful and transformative memoir about the impact of loss and the power of love; and one that illustrates how it is never too late to tackle suppressed grief\u003c\/b\u003e -- Julia Samuel * author of the Sunday Times Bestseller This Too Shall Pass *\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eI read this in one sitting, tears splashing onto its pages. A beautiful book about grief, losing a sibling, trauma, drugs, parenting \u0026amp; memory in the most exquisite way. 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